Talk:Tokiyo
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How is this Toki yo?
[edit]The official romanization is Tokiyo, no? See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGG8grKZhxY --Nidaana (talk) 14:41, 25 May 2024 (UTC)
- @Nidaana: Particles are usually put seperate from the words when romanizing. Since there are no secondary English secondary sources discussing the topic, I used the standard romanization rules since MOS:JPCOM is not detailed on these kind of cases. I have no strong preference over either, though. IanTEB (talk) 16:53, 25 May 2024 (UTC)
GA Review
[edit]GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
- This review is transcluded from Talk:Tokiyo/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: IanTEB (talk · contribs) 18:52, 28 April 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 16:26, 4 August 2024 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a. (reference section):
- b. (citations to reliable sources):
- c. (OR):
- d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
- a. (reference section):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a. (major aspects):
- b. (focused):
- a. (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
- b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/fail:
- Pass/fail:
(Criteria marked are unassessed)
I will go through this today, just under 4 months after its nomination! --K. Peake 16:26, 4 August 2024 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
[edit]- "It was written" → "The song was written"
- Done
- Is this synthesizer or analog synthesizer? Either way, please wikilink to itself and also change string section to string arrangement per the body.
- Done. Hoshino says he envisioned an analog synth but the credits only says synthesizer
- "Japanese or Asian sound on an album with heavy influence" → "Japanese sound on an album with heavy influences" per the body
- Done
- "of Yellow Dancer, with praise towards its" → "of Yellow Dancer by music critics, who praised its" with the pipe
- Changed to "album reviewers" if that works; also re-worded a bit
- Mention that the certification was in Japan and swap the order of this so the chart position is first, also use "the song" at the start of this sentence instead
- Done but is specifying the Recording Industry Association of Japan not enough to indicate region?
- "The music video, directed by" → "An accompanying music video was directed by" to make the direction and filming location one sentence, as it is too much of a run-on at the moment and add the wikilink
- Done
- "features Hoshino dressed as" → "It features Hoshino dressed as"
- Done
Background and writing
[edit]- Img looks good!
- "the full track listing October 28." → "the full track listing on October 28."
- Done
- "passing of time and the strength and" → "passing of time, as well as the strength and"
- Done
- Per MOS:LINKSTYLE, should stringed really be linked here when you provide the link to string arrangement later and there is two links surrounding it here?
- Removed
- Pipe obstetrician to obstetrics
- WP:NOTBROKEN allows for these types of unpiped links
- "he thought unconsciously influenced the lyrics on "Tokiyo";" → "he thought was an unconscious influence," and change the following part to "such as the usage of the word 赤ちゃん (aka-chan, lit. "baby" or "infant") in the second verse" as this is too extensive currently
- Trimmed down. Hope this satisfies. I also changed the formating of Japanese words, and shortened the last sentence about "bye-bye"
- Unless I am missing something from the translation, the line listed from the third verse is not sourced
- Looking at the source, I imagine it's difficult to verify with a translator but I think it satisfies. Hoshino mentions the line when talking about the influence from Dr. Storks (それも自分では凄く面白かった。あと個人的には3番の<夕立に濡れた君を>っていう歌詞ができた時に、もらった!と思って). The interviewer remarks the use of kigo and Hoshino clarifies that evening shower (夕立) reprents summer.
- [6] should be invoked at the end of each sentence using a direct quote in double speech marks
- Done, though I didn't know this applied to lyrics as well
Composition and lyrics
[edit]- Audio sample looks good!
- "An ensemble of ten conducted" → "An ensemble of 10 conducted" per MOS:NUM
- Wouldn't this be passable under MOS:NUMERAL, which states that "integers greater than nine expressible in one or two words may be expressed either in numerals or in words"?
- Pipe mastering engineer to Mastering (audio)`
- Not done per WP:NOTBROKEN
- The upbeat part is not sourced; cite the Tower Records Japan ref here for this
- The Barks music video article says "upper tune" which I would interpret as upbeat but I've added your source suggestion as well. I've also reformed the Tower source since it was actually for their magazine Tower Plus
- Wikilink as oriental
- Done
- "provided a different taste to" → "provided a different perspective of"
- Done
- "Tower Plus' Sadahiro noted the lyrics' allusion" → "Sadahiro noted the lyrics' allusion" although the contrasting lyrics themselves don't appear to be sourced
- Done
- "with focus on synthizer." → "with focus on a synthesizer."
- Done
Music video
[edit]- Move this to the live performances section
- I've kept the section but expanded it to two paragraphs using critic opinions from the Reception section. I hope this suffices for a standalone section now
- Img looks good!
- Wikilink music video
- Done
- "performing together at the" → "performing together. The duo appear at the" to avoid a run-on
- Done
Reception
[edit]- Change to "by music critics" or even add this while keeping that the reviews were album ones
- Done
- The word "blunt" is not sourced
- 身も蓋もない is a Japanese saying that means to the point / blunt
- "as catchy and praised its" → "as catchy, and highlighted its"
- Done
- "featuring performance from" → "featuring a performance from"
- Specified bass guitar performance and added new source
- "Japanese-like melody, featuring a warm sensation" → "Japanese-style melody, featuring a warm tone"
- Done
- "top ten music videos," → "top 10 music videos," per MOS:NUM and re-invoke the ref at the end of the first sentence too
- Done in music video section
- "It charted for 19 weeks total" → "The song charted for 19 weeks in total" although not all of these are sourced; add citations to cover each position
- Done. Also fixed some of the dates since they were mistaken.
Live performances
[edit]- Retitle to Promotion and make music video the first para of this section
- See above comment
- Done
- "Yellow Magic Orchestra's Haruomi Hosono to" → "Yellow Magic Orchestra's Hosono to"
- Done
- The lyrics announcing of the concert's theme does not appear to be sourced
- I think the line <時よ 今を乗せて/続くよ訳もなく>と、時の経過を歌い、「Continues」のイメージをさらに広げた「時よ」 justifies its inclusion.
- "during encore after a" → "during an encore after a"
- Done
Credits and personnel
[edit]- Pipe mastering engineer to Mastering (audio)
- Not done per WP:NOTBROKEN
Charts
[edit]- Good
Certifications
[edit]- Good
Notes
[edit]- Good
References
[edit]- Ref 17 is citing the incorrect archive url
- Fixed
- Ref 24 needs various citations to back up the different weeks
- Done
Final comments and verdict
[edit]- On hold until all of the issues are fixed; this was a solid article to review good luck! --K. Peake 20:24, 4 August 2024 (UTC)
- @Kyle Peake: Sorry for all the issues; I think I've fixed everything up! Truth to be told, I wasn't super happy with this article but I think your comments have really brought some improvement. Thanks, and let me know if there's anything else that needs fixing! IanTEB (talk) 23:08, 4 August 2024 (UTC)
- ✓ Pass now, well done and I did some copy editing to finalize this one! --K. Peake 16:48, 5 August 2024 (UTC)
- @Kyle Peake: Sorry for all the issues; I think I've fixed everything up! Truth to be told, I wasn't super happy with this article but I think your comments have really brought some improvement. Thanks, and let me know if there's anything else that needs fixing! IanTEB (talk) 23:08, 4 August 2024 (UTC)