Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Lancashire Fusiliers War Memorial/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Sarastro1 via FACBot (talk) 23:16, 29 December 2017 [1].

Lancashire Fusiliers War Memorial[edit]

Nominator(s): HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 10:18, 12 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I'm back, and with another war memorial! This one is in Bury, which today is in Greater Manchester but in 1914 was in the southeast corner of Lancashire. This part of the world is particularly well-endowed with war memorials, not least because of the local regiment—the Lancashire Fusiliers. Over 13,000 men served and died with the Lancashire Fusiliers and the effect of such losses on its garrison town, Bury, is still evident a century on. Wikimedia UK kindly gave me a modest grant to travel to Bury and take several of the photos used in the article. The regiment no longer exists, but their memorial is well taken care of, having been adopted by the successor regiment. If that wasn't enough, there's more historical interest with its architect, whose father and great uncle both served in—you guessed it—the Lancashire Fusiliers.

It's an interesting, if poignant, story and I hope this article tells it well. All feedback will be gratefully received! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 10:18, 12 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 13:39, 12 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sources: all in good order and of appropriate quality and reliability. Brianboulton (talk) 16:59, 13 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support An enjoyable read, and an article that meets the FA criteria. There are two points you could look at, the first extremely minor, the second just minor. What you do with them, if anything, I leave to your discretion, your action will not affect my support:
  • In the lead: "dedicated to members of the Lancashire Fusiliers killed in that conflict, and located in Gallipoli Gardens". The "and" feels a bit clunky to me. Maybe "dedicated to members of the Lancashire Fusiliers killed in that conflict; it is located in Gallipoli Gardens" or similar? (I don't press this point, as others may think the sentence is fine as it is).
  • In Design: "a single tall, tapering obelisk in Portland stone (similar to those on..." as it's a single obelisk shouldn't it be "a single tall, tapering obelisk in Portland stone (similar to that of..."
Cheers – SchroCat (talk) 10:14, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks very much, Gavin. Glad you're enjoying the series so far. I agree with you on the lead and I've altered it slightly, but "those" refers to Northampton War Memorial, which contains a pair of obelisks which is why it's plural despite this one only being a single obelisk. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 16:27, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, gotcha - I understand now. (You could have "similar to the pair on...", just for clarity, but it's six of one, half a dozen of the other really, and not really worth changing, unless you like it). Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 16:30, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
That works for me. Thanks, HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 16:32, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dank[edit]

  • "A plaque by the memorial records that the architect's great uncle, Major Engelbert Lutyens, also served in the regiment." Maybe this? "A plaque at the memorial records lists the architect's great uncle, Major Engelbert Lutyens, as a member of the regiment."
  • Support on prose per my standard disclaimer. Well done. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 14:56, 19 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, Dan. I've re-ordered that sentence. I didn't like my version but I didn't really like yours either. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 16:46, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Support from KJP1[edit]

Another fine article on Lutyen's collection of memorials. Some comments below, for consideration but not necessarily for action, and none precluding my support. KJP1 (talk) 18:35, 19 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "Lutyens was commissioned in light of a family connection" - "Lutyens was commissioned because of or owing to a family connection?
  • I quite liked "in light of" (more than "because" or "owing"), but happy to discuss it if you feel strongly.
I absolutely do not! KJP1 (talk) 17:47, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while its motto is inscribed further down and a dedication is inscribed on the base" - two "inscribed"s in close proximity, replace one with incised or etched?
  • Reworded this.
  • "but the barracks closed in the 1970s and the memorial was relocated." Perhaps reordered as "was relocated when the barracks closed in the 1970s."
  • Done.
  • "It was relocated again in 2009, this time to sit in a public park renamed Gallipoli Gardens,.." - You've two "relocated"s in close proximity, and does the memorial sit? Perhaps, "In 2009, it was moved again, to a public park renamed Gallipoli Gardens,..."
  • Done.
  • "later that year it formed part of a national collection of Lutyens' war memorials." - You and I know what that means, but I'm not sure "formed" will be clear to all readers. Perhaps, use the "was recognised as" you use later?
  • Done.

Background

  • "This along with his work for the Imperial War Graves Commission led to commissions for war memorials across Britain and the empire." - I'd probably stick a couple of commas in and link empire. "This, along with his work for the Imperial War Graves Commission, led to commissions for war memorials across Britain and the empire."
  • Yes for the commas, not sure the link would add much.
  • "Captain Lutyens, himself the son of an army officer, spent most of his career in Canada;" - I think his career as a professional artist was longer than his career as a soldier,[2], so perhaps "spent most of his military career.."?
  • Good point. His father should really have an article himself.
  • "The Lancashire Fusiliers (previously the 20th Regiment of Foot) was swollen" - the juxtaposition of "Foot" and "swollen" read slightly oddly, but it might just be me! Perhaps "was expanded"?
  • Ha! That hadn't occurred to me, but I think the meaning is clear.
You have no sympathy for my gout! KJP1 (talk) 17:47, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "an area which was then part of Lancashire but has since become Greater Manchester" - well, not the totality of GM. Perhaps, "an area which was then part of Lancashire but has since been incorporated into Greater Manchester"?
  • Reworded.
  • "The Lancashire Fusiliers's" - here you use "s's" but in the lead and the Design and History sections, you use "s'" as in Fusiliers'. Tim will know which is preferred, I can only suggest consistency.
  • Done (without the second "s").

Design

  • Nothing here except I do like Pevsner's "more moving in its modesty" quote (p=183). Usable?
  • Yes, definitely.

History

  • Nothing to add.

Thank you very much! Sorry it's taken me a few days; things got unexpectedly busy here. And profuse apologies for the accidental rollback the other day! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 17:26, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

My pleasure. I was slightly thrown by the rollback, as it seemed uncontroversial!, but assumed you were having a bad day. Hope things are more relaxed for Christmas. KJP1 (talk) 17:47, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Just a misclick—ironically I was aiming for the "thank" button! Thanks again for having a look. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 17:52, 21 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment: I notice that we have no alt text on this article. While alt text is not an explicit requirement at FA, I always feel that we should demonstrate best practice. In any case, I shall be promoting shortly. Sarastro (talk) 23:15, 29 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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