Talk:Adventure Time season 6/GA1

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Reviewer: BenLinus1214 (talk · contribs) 23:54, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Will review after El Camino (The Black Keys album). Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 23:54, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: Comments

Lead
  • I prefer the construction "The sixth season of the…" as opposed to non-bolded but a lot of FLs don't so it's your choice.
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The third paragraph of the lead is mostly development and cast stuff and the second is mostly reception--do you want to maybe reorganize it a bit and flip? (Obviously, use common sense--i.e. keep the DVD stuff in the third para)
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Development
  • "After the writers pitch the stories…" It's okay that it's copy-pasted from other season articles, but it's a bit awkward as of now. I would use transitional language in the form of a starting clause "Similarly to previous seasons…" or "In the show's traditional writing schedule…" If you can think of a better phrase, be my guest.
    I tried to completely reword all of this.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, I got a good chunk of these taken care of, but I'll come back and try to clean-up the guest cast and episode summary sections.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:34, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Probably should be "these studios" because you mention two.
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • You probably don't need to link Yuasa's name again when listing all the personnel.
    Changed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is LandOfOoo.com a reliable source?
    Generally, it's not, but in this case, Jesse Moynihan created an account and created a "Ask Me Anything"-style thread. Since he's a notable primary source, I figured it's OK.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the last sentence, how do you know it was "to ease his departure"?
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • You use a lot of social media sources in this section--could you just explain your rationale for this?
    The AT staff is really, really hip to using social media, and they're also very accessible. Via Twitter, Spring.me, and Ask.fm, many a question about production has been answered. Normally, I would shy away from using social media, but since all of the sentences being supported by social media references are generally just production-based facts, I feel like it satisfies WP:SOCIALMEDIA. The show's official (i.e. Cartoon Network and Frederator-sanctioned) production website is also hosted by Tumblr.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Cast
  • It should be "the series' principal antagonist"
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why are the various voice actors' second appearances in the season notable?
    Do you mean why do I separate them into different paragraphs? I dunno. Should I just merge everything together?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I know this is really difficult, but can you try to make the long guest stars paragraphs flow better? It's okay if you can't easily--just let me know.
    I'll work on that soon.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Various other characters are voiced by…" Could you give us a few examples?
    Most of the characters don't have names. I tried to clarify what I meant.--~~!~~
Reception
  • "This marked a slight decrease in viewers…" Could you give us some numbers for both in this sentence?
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • 153 percent increase in what?
    I clarified that.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • What does "the show began to switch its day of airing" mean? Did this episode switch or not?
    I tried to completely rework this part.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the part of that sentence after the semicolon, be sure to put quotes around "Breezy". Also, it should be "aired" not "airing"
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The season opened with largely positive critical reviews" makes it sound like the reviews changed and you'll get into later-season reviews, although you do not. I assumed you just mean "the season received largely positive critical reviews"?
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first sentence of the home media section makes it sound like that was the only episode that was released.
    Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would probably put "several other DVDs, titled…" instead of what's currently there because the other one seems to assume that the viewer knows what's happening with the titles of these oddly titled sets.
    Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are five cites really necessary for that last sentence?
    I bundled a whole bunch of them together. Hopefully that'll look better..--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Episodes
  • Take a quick look through some of the prose for this section. Most of it is surprisingly good, but a few of the short summaries might be able to be cut down, as these are all 11 minute episodes.
    I'll comb over them shortly.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The summary of episode 28 is fairly short, bizarre, and informal. Rework that one entirely, I would say.
    Whoops. I didn't notice that one. Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: Okay, I'm done. Looks like a very good article--just a few comments to respond to. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 14:19, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get on this in the next couple of days, and then I'll get to those GA's you requested!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 15:22, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: Everything you've done already looks great--just seems to be a matter of the prose in the cast paragraphs and then I can pass. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 13:57, 16 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I tried to completely reorganized and rewrite it. Is it at least looking better?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:42, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Great! I like it a lot more. Pass. By the way, if you have any experience with featured lists, could you possibly interchange one of the forthcoming GA reviews with this FLC? I would really appreciate it. (BTW don't be deterred by the first "oppose, suggest withdrawal" comment--I've fixed all the responses, but the user hasn't edited for a few days--it'll probably be struck). If you aren't comfortable with reviewing a featured list candidate, that's perfectly fine! :) Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 01:50, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
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