Talk:Light-gun shooter/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

---

This article has been passed.

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

   Good work!

Prose/Grammar

Design

This sentence is repeated several times and probably should be reworded or removed altogether from the Design section to avoid redundancy:

• 1. Light gun shooter, also called light gun game or simply gun game, is a video game genre in which the primary design element is aiming and shooting with a gun-shaped controller.
• 2. "Light gun shooters", "light gun games" or "gun games" are games in which the protagonist shoots at targets, whether antagonists or objects, and which utilise a gun-shaped controller (termed a "light gun") with which the player aims.
• 3. Light gun shooters consist of the player shooting at targets, generally aiming with a controller shaped like a gun.

• Done I removed it from the design section. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

In my opinion, you could use this opportunity to flesh out the Definition section and allow it to do the basic defining for the remainder of the article.

"Light gun shooters revolve primarily around shooting large numbers of enemies attacking in waves." - Would better read as "Light gun shooters primarily revolve around..."

"Some games in this style however, may allow the protagonist to take cover at the push of a button." - Probably don't need "in this style" here.

• Done changed these. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

History

"...which involved the player targeting cardboard ships." - Would read better as "...which required the player to shoot cardboard ships."

• Done changed. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

"...which when pressed caused the protagonist to take cover." Would read better as "...which caused the protagonist to take cover when pressed."

• Not sure I agree. I don't see a problem with it as is and changing it to your suggestion introduces some ambiguity as it implies it causes the protagonist to take cover when he finds himself under pressure (i.e. "when pressed") rather than just as soon as the button is pressed. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

You're probably right.

"...and quirky, humorous tone." - Put an "a" in before "and".

You mean like "a quirky and humorous tone"? bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Yes. After re-examining it (and getting a second opinion), I've decided that it reads understandably either way, although I feel "a quirky and humorous tone" is better.

"Light guns were for a time suppressed in the U.S..." - Consider rearranging to "Light guns were suppressed for a time in the US..."

• Done. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

"The game was inspired by Clint Eastwood film Dirty Harry as well as a coffee advertisement in which a can of coffee grew larger in a gun's sights; in Virtua Cop the player had to approaching targets as fast as possible." - A little unclear as well as a run-on, consider rearranging to "The game was inspired by the Clint Eastwood film Dirty Harry, as well as a television advertisement for 'insert company name here' in which a can of coffee grew larger in a gun's sights. Similarly, in Virtua Cop the player was required to approach targets as fast as possible." I presume it's a TV ad, anyways.

• I actually missed a word here: it should read "the player had to shoot approaching targets as fast as possible" (fixed now). Presumably once the targets get close enough they shoot, or the closer they get the more likely they are to hit the player; it's not quite clear. Source doesn't say the brand of coffee.

I'm satisfied.

bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

"Since the late 1980s light gun controllers were generally manufactured to look obviously like toys, by painting them in bright colours." - "Were" should be replaced with "have been", you don't need "obviously", and the comma isn't necessary. You could also consider adding "by presenting them in unrealistic shapes and painting them..." to make it a stronger statement.

• Changed the wording. The source doesn't explicitly say they're shaped like toys, although I guess the bit about "replica-grade uzis" might be implying that. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

"Freer" is kind of an awkward word, consider replacing with "less restricted" in this case.

• Done. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Nitpicky, but I believe "PlayStation" is rendered with a capital "S".

• Done, you're right, fixed. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

There are two other instances of "Playstation", I've fixed them.

"Realistic looking" should probably be hyphenated, or you can drop the "looking" altogether because "realistic" can stand on its own.

Done, dropped "looking". bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Layout

There are several instances of inline citations being placed in the middle of a sentence, and not after a punctuation mark (like #15 in History). Try to fix all instances of this.

• All fixed now, I think. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Per the guidelines at WP:OVERLINK, "plain English words" and "terms whose meaning would be understood by almost all readers" don't require wikilinks. Throughout the article, common words are wikilinked, often in rapid succession, that clutter up sentences. Phrases like First person (video games) and the Columbine High School massacre should definitely be wikilinked, but things like "toy", "rifle", "coffee", and "advertisement", probably should not. Assess the need for all of the wikilinks in the article and adjust as necessary.

• Removed all those; also removed "crime" (criminal) and "axe". Not sure about "terrorism" and "grenade". Also not 100% sure about "zombie" but it should probably stay in as it's a fictional thing, even if a reasonably well known one. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

"Zombie" is probably the most necessary of those three, but it looks fine as-is.

Coverage

What exactly is a "light gun"? Does it use radar or a laser or what? It is explained somewhat in the History section, but more details in Definition wouldn't hurt.

• Done. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

What was the first commercially available video game console? There's an inline citation to an article with an explanation, but I think it wouldn't hurt to come right out and say it.

• Done, added.

Sources

"Mechanical gun games existed before the emergence of electronic video games, as far back as the 1920s." - Should have an inline citation.

"Light guns were for a time suppressed in the U.S. after the 1999 Columbine High School massacre and its attendant controversy over video games and gun crime." - Should have an inline citation.

"Throughout the 1970s, mechanical arcade games were gradually replaced by electronic video games, beginning with Pong in 1972; 1978's Space Invaders dealt a yet more powerful blow to the popularity of mechanical games." - Sentences arranged like this could potentially be hiding statements that require inline citations (in this case, "were gradually replaced by electronic video games"). Consider rearranging to look like: "Throughout the 1970s, mechanical arcade games were gradually replaced by electronic video games, beginning with Pong in 1972.[ref] Space Invaders, released in 1978, dealt an even more powerful blow to the popularity of mechanical games.[ref]"

• Done Info was covered by the next citations, but I added them anyway. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I've noticed in other GA reviews you have resisted the temptation of using citation templates. Like you have stated before, they are not required, but all the same I feel compelled to encourage their use.

The book reference should have an ISBN.

• WP:CITE states giving the ISBN is optional, even for FAs. I've never seen an ISBN number given in a reference section/bibliography outside of Wikipedia so it just looks odd and redundant to me. Of course add it of you wish. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough.

Also regarding book references, I suggest you use the format brought up in the GA review for Shoot 'em up, where the book references come last and have page-specific citations above.

• Done. bridies (talk) 13:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

The article has been placed on hold until these issues have been addressed. It will remain on hold for one week or until everything is finished. An extension may be considered if properly justified. As you address each issue, place a check mark underneath it, or the appropriate rationale if you disagree. If you have any questions, feel free to leave me a message on my talk page. All told, the article is of a high quality and well-sourced, and I'll definitely pass it if these issues can be addressed. — Levi van Tine (t – c) 08:27, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

The article is in accordance with Wikipedia's good article criteria and is now passed. Keep up the good work! — Levi van Tine (t – c) 11:40, 10 March 2009 (UTC)