Talk:Parkala massacre/GA1
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Reviewer: Catrìona (talk · contribs) 12:37, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
Please comment individually under each of my comments and mark with Done, Fixed, Added, Not done, Doing..., or Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. Catrìona (talk) 12:37, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
The Jallianwala Bagh massacre was a major turning point for the Indian freedom struggle when a British General, Reginald Dyer, marched into Jallianwala Bagh and ordered his troops to fire on peaceful protesters, killing 379 and injuring 1,200.
There is probably a more neutral way to phrase this. "Independence movement" is probably better than "freedom struggle," for instance. Also, "general" should not be capitalized here.
- Changed "Independence movement" is probably better than "freedom struggle," and removed capitalization in "General".
the farmers decided to mark and celebrate the occasion by hoisting the national flag
—this is unnecessary in context, "the farmers hoisted the national flag" is sufficient
- I think that would be inaccurate because the farmers 'intended' to hoist the flag but they were prevented from doing so.
- Right now it's unclear whether they managed to raise the flag or not. Perhaps something like, "They tried to raise the Indian flag, but were prevented by the police"
- I think that would be inaccurate because the farmers 'intended' to hoist the flag but they were prevented from doing so.
the people of Hyderabad State
—was it really all people in Hyderabad or just some people? Were there social groups that opposed union with India?
- The sources say people in general against the oppressive regime of the then ruler Nizam and his army of Razakars.
abused women
—can you be more specific here?
- Optional but highly recommended—adding an infobox. Template:Infobox civilian attack or Template:Infobox event would both be suitable.
Are there any pictures of the protests? If not, are there any contemporary pictures of Parkala?
You should mention somewhere that Hyderabad State was eventually absorbed by India in 1948.- What, if any, was the connection between protests and unrest such as this incident with India's decision to annex Hyderabad State?
Ok @Gbohoadgwwian: we're almost done here. If you can confirm that you're OK with my last prose edit and fix the citations, either by removing the least reliable one in both cases or bundling them, then I'll pass the article. Catrìona (talk) 19:48, 22 August 2018 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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