Talk:Swiftsure-class battleship/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Bushranger (talk · contribs) 03:53, 9 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Another fine-looking article that has quite a bit of nifty information in it. Calling dibs for a review - For starters, I'll note that Pembroke in the third paragraph of the "Ships" is a disambiguation link; I'll give this a full review either later tonight or in the morning. - The Bushranger _{One ping only} 03:53, 9 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:19, 9 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

And now, the full review.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Style appears suitable and appropriate with no noticable problems. There are a few concerns about the text, which I shall expound upon:

In late 1901, Chile and Argentina were on the brink of war, and Chile was concerned about its navy's ability to counter the armoured cruisers Rivadavia and Moreno, which Argentina had ordered in Italy earlier that year. - this looks...slightly awkward. The beginning just 'dives in', is there a better way to phrase this? Also, 'ordered in Italy' looks a little off, perhaps it should be 'ordered from Italy'?
Perhaps a comment about Sir Edward Reed's job/role after his name is dropped might help. 'Sir Edward Reed, grand poobah of the Fooians, was in...' or something like that.
'Purchase did not prove a practical option...'; suggest 'Purchase of existing ships...' for clarity.
'The ships were second-class battleships...'; perhaps 'The ships were considered second-class battleships'?
suggest 'the graving dock', not 'its'.
'They had a noticeably foreign appearance' - suggest "foreign" in quotes, and 'compared to contemporary British ships' afterwards perhaps?
- Deleted the whole bit.
'up for sale, and Chilean financial problems arose,' - suggest a semicolon after 'sale', and changing the second part to 'in addition, Chile began to suffer from a financial crisis,' perhaps?
- How does it read now?
'no major changes were needed' - 'to the design to render them suitable for British service' being added might make this read better.
'Both were completed in June 1904 and entered service with the Royal Navy' - also in June?
- Sources don't specify, oddly enough.
'some 375 long tons (381 t) overweight' - suggest adding 'as opposed to their designed displacement' or something to that effect
'each driving one propeller' - perhaps 'a single propeller' would be better here?
'which was intended to allow them' - suggest 'which was intended to allow the ships' as it reads as if the engines were to be driven to 19.5 knots. ;)
'they had all been designed' - 'all' might be redundant here?
'slightly different types of 45-calibre 10-inch guns' - 'compared to each other'?
- How does it read now?
'fourteen QF 14-pounder Mk I or Mk II guns' - perhaps stating they were 'quick firing' might be in order somewhere here?
- Linked and spelled out.
does anything list what the sale price of Swiftsure to the scrapyard was?
- Not given anywhere.

All changes made, except as noted.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:50, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
References are appropriately placed and to reliable sources; the article is free of synethesis and original research.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
The article covers its subject well, without going off on tangents or getting stuck overly describing minor details.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
The article is presented neutrally throughout.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
The article is free of edit-warring and is not undergoing any significant changes or reversions.
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Images are appropriate and suitable, freely licensed and suitably captions. (Just one nit, shouldn't Brassey's Naval Annual be italicised?)
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Overall an excellent article, just needs a few tweaks as mentioned in section 1 to pass. :) - The Bushranger _{One ping only} 04:43, 9 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Looks very good now, I believe this is a pass. Keep up the good work! - The Bushranger _{One ping only} 02:16, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]