User talk:Auvaursi/sandbox

feedback

Hi @Auvaursi: I agree with what you said--I think you could split this into subtopics, or subsections. For example, instead of having your first section as "Early life and education", you could have the section "early life" and a subsection as "education", for example. As far as the images, I don't know where you would include the first one. I don't see in the article where the Young China Association headquarters is mentioned. As far as the second image, I can see more of a case being made there. The caption could be like, A photograph of the 1912 suffragist parade, in which Lee participated (or something to that effect. It's okay that you don't know how she died. HOWEVER, I just noticed that in the lead you say she died in 1966, whereas in the body you say she died in 1996. I assume it was 1966, which would make her around 70 as you also state.

I have few suggestions and comments for you--

Was Mabel her birth name, or did she have another? It seems like if she was born in China, then Mabel might have been the Americanized first name she adopted? Not necessary to include, but if you find it that might be nice.
Somewhat related to that, it seems that there is mixed styles happening here with naming conventions. The father's name is listed with family name first, while the mother's name is listed in the Western style of family name last. It would be good to have consistent listing (probably the Western style, since this is English Wikipedia, but using either consistently is preferable to some of each)
I found a source from 1921 that lists her birth date [1] as October 7, 1897. Also, in her own dissertation, she lists her birthday as October 7, 1897 [2]. It seems like you might be able to use that date with some certainty.
Minor detail, but per the Manual of Style, sentences and citations should proceed like this: Sentence[period][citation][space]Sentence. In some of your sentences, you have a space before the punctuation that doesn't belong--it should immediately proceed the punctuation.
Content may need to be restructured. In the early life and education section, the last paragraph is about what she did after she completed her education.
- One solution: retitle section to "early life". Have two subsections: "education" and "post-education" or something to that effect
I think you can add some more links. What made me say this is you list military conflicts (Second Sino-Japanese War) that almost certainly have Wikipedia articles. This way, readers can easily navigate to related topics.
- You could also link to National American Woman Suffrage Association in the quote "N.A.W.S.A Catching Up with China". This initialism hasn't been defined, leaving readers to question what Lee meant.
Question: how does riding horseback in China relate to women's suffrage? Were women not allowed to ride horseback? Or was she using horses to travel around and give speeches? The connection between suffrage=horseback could be made more clear.
I see you have a line break before "The welfare of China and possibly its very existence as an independent nation depend on rendering tardy justice to its womankind. For no nation can ever make real and lasting progress in civilization unless its women are following close to its men if not actually abreast with them." To format that correctly, you should use the "quote" template. In visual editor, click "insert" and then "template". Type "quote" into the search bar, and then "add template". Since you've already attributed who said the quote (and where she said it) in the lead in ("Lee gave a speech that was covered in the New York Times. The speech was titled "China's Submerged Half" and stated..."), you don't need to fill in the sign or source. Just paste the quote itself into text. It will look something like this:

"The welfare of China and possibly its very existence as an independent nation depend on rendering tardy justice to its womankind. For no nation can ever make real and lasting progress in civilization unless its women are following close to its men if not actually abreast with them."

- Then you add your reference after the end of the quote.
I think you could tweak your phrasing here In 1917, women won the right to vote in the state of New York. However, Lee herself was unable to exercise that constitutional right because when most Americans read or hear "constitutional", they assume it's in reference to the Constitution of the US. So maybe instead you could have In 1917, women won the right to vote in the state of New York, amending the state's constitution. However, Lee herself was unable to exercise that constitutional right because of the discriminatory federal naturalization laws of the time
Watch out for phrasing that comes off as editorializing ("It should be noted that..."). When writing Wikipedia, it's best to stay away from value statements about what a reader should do. You can probably just chop this introduction off the sentence and it stands fine on its own.
Nice use of references! Everything looks well-supported and the sources you use appear reliable.

Let me know if you have questions about any of this feedback! Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:55, 20 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]