User talk:Hacarroll/sandbox/BlackAIDSInstitute

I'm not at all sure about the use of the word "Caucasian." It's a word we don't really use any more (even if you found sources that did). It's better to change that to white, not capitalized. Otherwise, this is off to a good start. I'm interested to see how you might develop it a little further before Tuesday's launch. -- Sarah

Some comments

Hi Hacarroll. I've made some edits to your article. I think it looks pretty good overall. I would recommend taking a close reading of the draft for tone. Often with non-profit organizations the available sourcing will describe the subject in glowing terms (because they're doing great work!), but Wikipedia has to take an assiduously, sometimes perniciously neutral view of any subject. In practical terms, I'd set aside each paragraph or sentence and ask if it would seem out of place on the "about page" for this organization. If so, you may want to alter the text a bit. This may include details about funding and support, though sometimes those can be useful for general readers.

You may also want to think about what a reader who is unfamiliar with the topic will want from the page. Where is the organization based? Is there notable criticism of the organization out there? Imagine that you're looking this topic up for the first time. What would you want to know? It's a useful exercise. :)

Like I said, overall this looks good. Keep up the good work. When you decide to turn this into an article, I think it can be easily moved to Black AIDS Institute. Thanks! Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:38, 17 April 2015 (UTC)