Talk:American logistics in the Normandy campaign/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 19:47, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
Opening statement[edit]
Hello, and come what may from this review, thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. During the review, I may make copyedits, which I will limit to spelling correction and minor changes to punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. The Nominator(s) should understand that I am a grammar pedant, and I will nitpick in the interest of prose quality. For responding to my comments, please use 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —♠Vami_IV†♠ 19:47, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
Article size[edit]
Considering the size of this article, which I consider justified by the magnitude of the topic, the reviewee should know this will take a while. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 19:47, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
- I will still make some suggestions here and there with the intent of chopping away bytes from the article size. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 11:19, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
- I don't think that is necessary or desirable. The article is not excessively long, and parallels British logistics in the Normandy campaign. It is rewritten as a featured article, which requires comprehensive coverage of the subject area. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 08:14, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
Lead[edit]
of whom 459,511 part of the COMZ
were part
Mulberry artificial port
Expand the wikilink here to cover all three words.
weeks after the D-Day
Axe "the".
the advance was much slower than the Operation Overlord anticipated
Rephrase.
wear and tear, damage
Aren't these one and the same?
- The comma between
wear and tear
andand accidental damage
should be removed. [...]; that to continue the pursuit beyond the Seine had long-term and far-reaching effects.
Confusing.
Seems clear enough. What is the confusion between? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:47, 12 April 2020 (UTC)
- It feels like part of a edited out sentence stapled to the back of another. The complete ensemble confuses me because of how abrupt the change is:
The decision to abandon plans to develop the ports of Brittany left the American forces with only the port of Cherbourg and the Normandy beaches for their maintenance; that to continue the pursuit beyond the Seine had long-term and far-reaching effects.
- It feels like part of a edited out sentence stapled to the back of another. The complete ensemble confuses me because of how abrupt the change is:
[...] to stall the American advance.
Changed "to stall" to "stalled".
Background[edit]
Before World War II, the United States had developed War Plan Black for the possibility of a war with Germany.
Can you give a date range for this?
Chaney opened SPOBS headquarters at US Embassy at 1 Grosvenor Square,
A "the" is needed before "SPOBS" and "US Embassy".
Marshall and Harry L. Hopkins
Give us the latter man's job title.
one of whom was selected by Somervell and Lee for Lee's SOS headquarters
Is this man important enough to be mentioned here?
(OPD)
This is the only time this abbreviation is used in the article, so it should be removed.
British Army's Scottish Command and Western Command;
Change to "Scottish and Western Command" for brevity and consistency withBritish Northern and Eastern Commands;
British Southern and South Eastern Commands
"South Eastern Command" needs a wikilink.
-
- It's not South-Eastern District (British Army)? I see that it was disbanded in 1903, but the article is also rather underdeveloped; this command must have existed during the War, I'd think. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 11:07, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
Bolero[edit]
The section jumps into Bolero without first giving a short explanation of what it was. "Background" gives some context for it, but not enough (and obtained the approval of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and the British Chiefs of Staff Committee for what became known as Operation Bolero, the buildup of US forces in the UK with the aim of eventually mounting a cross-channel attack
.Second Claridge Conference
Can you elaborate on what this?
A series of meetings of the Combined Chiefs at Claridge's in London in July 1942. Deleted Conference name. The important point was that the decision was taken to undertake Torch instead of Sledgehammer, which makes Roundup impossible, and causes Overlord to occur in 1944. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:45, 5 May 2020 (UTC)
proposed 1942 cross-channel attack (Operation Sledgehammer) [...] invasion of French Northwest Africa (Operation Torch) [...] prospective 1943 cross-channel attack (Operation Roundup)
I advise the combining of these into linked prose, rather than sequestered links, to take a bit out of the total article size.This postponement, primary to gain extra month's production [...]
Change "primary" to something else.
Organization[edit]
Another organization activated on 7 February, far more important as it turned out, was the Advance Section (ADSEC), under the command of Colonel Ewart G. Plank.
Condense.
Planning[edit]
100 measurement tons (110 cubic metres) per day was set aside
were set aside?
Assault[edit]
Operation of the beachheads assigned to the
was assigned.carrying at least [...] and often more
. Latter is made redundant by "at least".
Shipping[edit]
during the first ninety days
"ninety" should be a numeral per MOS:NUMERAL
Not done MOS:NUMERAL: Integers greater than nine expressible in one or two words may be expressed either in numerals or in words.
Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:06, 6 May 2020 (UTC)
British Brigadier G. C. Blacker
Brigadier General?- The rank of brigadier general was abolished in the British Army in 1922, and replaced by the lesser rank of brigadier. Linked Brigadier (United Kingdom)
A consolidated Class V (ammunition) dump
This designation never comes up again in the article; just call it an ammo dump.Cargo nets were spread out on the deck, and cargo piled on them. The cargo net with cargo inside was then lifted over the side on the ship's boom, and deposited in a waiting craft.
Condense.amphibious truck, known as
Delete this comma.In some cases, DUKWs ran out of fuel. When this happened, their pumps failed, and they sank.
Any idea how many DUKWs were lost to this? I won't count it against the article if 'no'.- I regret that I don't have that information. I've looked though the official histories, and the reports of the 1st ESB and Provisional Engineer Group, but did not find figures for DUKW losses. Unsure if a breakdown by cause exists. Other duck losses were caused by rough seas, striking mines and underwater obstacles, and being run down by landing craft. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:06, 6 May 2020 (UTC)
and occasionally causing one to capsize.
One DUKW?The unloading craft
suggests 'no', so I suggest "one" with "unloading craft".This was resolved only when started being loaded with one category of supply only.
Confusing. Resolved when DUKWs began being loaded with one category?Cargo deposited on the beach at low tide and if not swiftly cleared was likely to be swamped by the rising tide.
was deposited.
Mulberry harbor[edit]
and there were normally only two quiet spells of good weather four days running between May and September.
for four days, or of four days?and you had to go out another one-half a mile
Rewrite.but by October 1943 COSSAC was planning for two, with a second one at Saint-Laurent in the American sector.
Condense.- Condensed. 01:24, 7 May 2020 (UTC)
Who are the Seabees?
ponton causeways 10 June [...] The first pontoon cause
Pontoon causeways. On 10 June.
I'm a lifelong resident of the USA and have never seen nor heard that spelling. At any rate, can you link Pontoon bridge, too?—Vami- From that article: "The spelling "ponton" in English dates from at least 1870. The use continued in references found in U.S. patents during the 1890s. It continued to be spelled in that fashion through World War II, when temporary floating bridges were used extensively throughout the European theatre. U.S. combat engineers commonly pronounced the word "ponton" rather than "pontoon" and U.S. military manuals spelled it using a single 'o'. The U.S. military differentiated between the bridge itself ("ponton") and the floats used to provide buoyancy ("pontoon")." Linked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:04, 7 May 2020 (UTC)
Ordnance[edit]
The storm prompted emergency action.
The storm discussed in "Mulberry harbor"?
Subsistence[edit]
The D-ration was chocolate bar.
A chocolate bar.which was unfortunate as it was those rations' primary sources of vitamin C.
Delete "which was unfortunate" and move the rest to the front of the sentence. A la:The lemon powder in the C and K rations, their primary sources of vitamin C, was particularly unpopular with the troops, who frequently discarded it or used it for things like scrubbing floors.
POL[edit]
but it was found that both east and west moles
both the east and westwas being decanted
were beingof POL products by then
"Products" is redundant.
Base organization[edit]
subordinated to First Army [...] Indeed, First Army [...] when Twelfth United States Army Group and Third Army
the First Army, the Twelfth [..] and Thirdwith tents to accommodation 11,000 personnel
accommodate.The last sentence of the second paragraph would be better after the first.and then a Le Mans
at?
Railways[edit]
so they were unloaded in the stream
Which stream?French civilians were employed whenever possible.
For what?was initially restricted to hospital trains, and engineer supplies, and civil affairs relief.
Too many "and"s.
Motor transport[edit]
ETOUSA has disapproved this
had disapproved of this- This is the transitive form of the verb disapprove. Common in military usage. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:34, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
- This is not the military. (EDIT: I mean this literally). –♠Vami_IV†♠ 01:28, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
- Slightly different meaning though. An insurance claim can be disapproved even though you may still approve of it. This is the one we want. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:10, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
- This is not the military. (EDIT: I mean this literally). –♠Vami_IV†♠ 01:28, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
- This is the transitive form of the verb disapprove. Common in military usage. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:34, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
Outcome[edit]
neither the Ruhr nor the Saar was reached in 1944
were reached- The singular form nof the verb is correct here. Two singular subjects connected by or, either/or, or neither/nor require a singular verb.. [1]
This was exacerbated by senior commanders [...] This was exacerbated by the poor supply discipline
The latter of these two sentences immediately follows the former.
GA progress[edit]
Good Article review progress box
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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.