Talk:Anna Blackburne/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Etriusus (talk · contribs) 05:38, 14 August 2023 (UTC)
Grabbing this review, will have notes out within the next few days. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:38, 14 August 2023 (UTC)
Images[edit]
- Rights are in order
- Slight MOS:SANDWICH issue
- I tend not to notice these (I use larger image sizes and a wider screen than the default, so whenever there are any images on the left they have some overlap with images on the right); at the default size this does not seem to be a major issue to me. I could remove the Forster painting and move the image of the species they named after her to the right if that helps.
- Captions look good
- Would love to see Alt Text (optional)
- Added.
Sources[edit]
- Per WP:PERENNIAL, family search is not reliable and is user generated
- I am not citing familysearch, I am citing a book (a transcript of the primary sources) that happens to have an online copy hosted on familysearch. The "baptised as Anne" I have from this primary source, a secondary source (Edmondson & Rowley 1998) and could use a tertiary source (ODNB, i.e. Shteir 2008), the date of baptism only from this primary source and the tertiary source. I like using the primary source as backup but have added a cite to the ODNB.
- -Thanks for clarifying
- Manual review finds no other concerns of reliability.
- All links live, I recommend archiving but don't require it.
- Is there a working tool to do that? IABot found 0 links on the page (it often does not work for me).
Copyvios[edit]
- Earwig only flags a block quote and simple phrases
- Manual spot checks doesn't find anything exciting
Prose[edit]
Intro
- ' Linnaeus' change to 'Carl Linnaeus'
- done
- "Her additions to the insect collections were especially notable" be more specific
- Reorder the lead to be in chronological order, it jumps around a little too much.
- I'm rewriting the lead section, which was a remnant of the pre-expansion article. Please take another look.
Family background and early life
- "the daughter of William Assheton, Rector of Prestwich" please specify who this is referring to. Make this its own sentence
- done.
- "John Blackburne was interested..." sentence is a bit too compound
- Split.
- "Blackburne was keenly interested in natural history and was in contact with some of the most famous naturalists of her era." WP:PUFFERY and boarders on WP:WEASEL
- A bit weaselly, especially since Linnaeus was the most famous. Rephrased.
- "In the beginning," beginning of what?
- Of her collecting.
- " At Orford Hall, she and her father received visits by other naturalists." somewhat redundant sentence
- - change the first sentence in this paragraph to
Throughout her life, Blackburne held an interest in natural history; she and her father would often receive visits from and keep in contact with other contemporary naturalists.
Or something to that effect.- Rewritten a bit.
- - change the first sentence in this paragraph to
- "obtain duplicates of shells" from Blackburne? unclear statement
- He tried to get shells from her where she had more than one specimen
- "Until he moved to London in 1770..." run on sentence.
- Split.
Forster later took part in the second voyage of James Cook as the expedition's naturalist. After his return, he and his son Georg published some of the botanical results of the voyage in the book Characteres generum plantarum. It contained botanical descriptions written by Anders Sparrman, a disciple of Linnaeus whom Forster had engaged at Cape Town, and engravings of drawings by Georg. The book was printed in both quarto and folio formats; the folios, of which sixteen copies have been traced, were not publicly sold, but given as presents to royalty as well as friends and supporters of the Forsters
- -While this section is interesting, it is WP:UNDUE. Pare this down to only a couple of sentences. Remember, this is Blackburne's page, not Forster's.
- I have condensed this a bit. The point is that Blackburne was one of rather few recipients of a rather fancy book.
- -While this section is interesting, it is WP:UNDUE. Pare this down to only a couple of sentences. Remember, this is Blackburne's page, not Forster's.
- Why is the section heading not 'Carl Linnaeus'
- Because I thought he was usually mononymic "Linnaeus"; I have now fixed this.
- "indeed named a plant after her, as reported in her obituary, are inaccurate" I'm not following what it meant to be said in this sentence, please restructure it.
- done
- 'To the rich museum...' consider using a quote template (optional)
- done
- "The German naturalist Peter Simon Pallas, who lived in St. Petersburg and had collected natural history specimens during an expedition to Siberia, was in correspondence with Pennant" awkward sentence
- Slightly less awkward now?
- "sent by Pallas" sent to whom?
- Blackburne. Clarified.
Museum, death, and Legacy
- "The room was 15 yards (14 m) long and as wide as the house" unclear what this means
- Clarified?
Comments: Done with my comments for now, should be simple enough. I made some Copy-edits, please review whenever you are able. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:08, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
- Thanks a lot for the review! I'll try to address your points in the next 24-48 hours. —Kusma (talk) 10:30, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.