Talk:Battle of Kapetron/GA1
GA Review[edit]
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 13:00, 21 July 2019 (UTC)
Hi Constantine, I'll pick this one up. What level of scrutiny would you like? Gog the Mild (talk) 13:00, 21 July 2019 (UTC)
- The images need alt text.
- Not sure this is a GA requirement, but done (since this will go on to ACR for sure)
- Vryonis - "Losangeles" → 'Los Angles'.
- Fixed
- Cahen & Jones needs an OCLC. (909838664)
- Felix needs an ISBN. (978-3700103790)
- Thanks, and added
- Hi Gog the Mild, great, thanks! I am a fan of 'the usual', so feel free to tear it apart ;) Constantine ✍ 13:05, 21 July 2019 (UTC)
I have made a number of minor copy edits. As usual. revert any you are not happy with.
- "Due to the disbandment of the local thematic armies and the diversion of troops to face the revolt of Leo Tornikios, the regular Byzantine forces, under Aaron and Katakalon Kekaumenos, were insufficient to confront the Turkish invasion, and instead, on the orders of Emperor Constantine IX, they adopted a passive stance, awaiting reinforcement from the Georgian ruler Liparit IV." A slightly long and complicated sentence!
- Have rephrased the lede considerably, please check it out.
- It reads well. A minor point - "managed" twice in close succession: perhaps "In the centre, however, Inal managed to capture Liparit" → 'In the centre, however, Inal captured Liparit'?
- "to lapse their military obligations in favour of tax payments" I think that 'forego' would work better than "lapse".
- Replaced with "relinquish".
- The translation of the title of Leveniotis should be in title case.
- Done.
- "the eastern Byzantine provinces at Vaspurakan" Should "at" be 'of' (or possibly 'in')?
- Fixed.
- "reports that Ibrahim had recently received a large number of recent Oghuz arrivals" "recently ... recent" Would it be possible to change one of these?
- Fixed.
- Entirely optional, but it would be nice to work in the description of Artze as "a city of 800 churches and immense wealth".
- The 800 churches is rather an exaggeration by the Armenian writers lamenting its fate. It is good for the article on Artze, however. Which reference did you find it in? I can't remember it right now.
- {{cite book|last=Kurkjian|first=Vahan M.|title=A History of Armenia|publisher=Armenian General Benevolent Union of America|year=1964|orig-year=1958|location=New York|oclc=889896040|ref=harv}} P. 207
- "the Byzantine commanders held conference" Optional: "conference" → 'council of war'.
- Fixed.
- "Emperor Constantine greatly lamented Liparit's capture" Do we need "greatly"?
- No we don't. Removed.
That's it on my first read through. Gog the Mild (talk) 19:42, 21 July 2019 (UTC)
A couple of comments above. Also:
- Three cases of dup links.
- Fixed.
- Trebizond needs disambiguating.
- Fixed.
- There is a mix of US and British English. Which is the article supposed to be in?
- British.
Good Article review progress box
|
