Talk:Bekah Brunstetter/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)
I'll review. My initial comments should be up within a few days. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)
We'll start with the infobox, lead section, and "Early life and education".
Infobox[edit]
- File:Bekah Brunstetter at 18th Annual Pacific Playwrights Festival in 2015.jpg is appropriately licensed
- Keeping WP:INFOBOXREF in mind, try to cite content within article prose instead of here
- I recommend consolidating "screenwriter" and "playwright" into the collective term "writer" for occupation as this is a singular term that covers both fields
- How recent is this residence? It's hard to tell when no publish date is given in the used source, and I'd prefer something with one so it's easier to attribute the update.
- The source is her own professional bio, which she probably keeps up to date. Several sources mention that she lives in Los Angeles (e.g. [1] from 2017). So maybe the question is whether we just believe her and put an {{As of}} in there dated today based on her current self-authored bio, or go with an older secondary RS and say {{As of}}, e.g., 2017. Which do you think would be better? Bakazaka (talk) 21:18, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
Lead[edit]
- See above note on consolidating screenwriter and playwright
- If anywhere, I'd mention nominations in article body instead of here; actual wins are more lead-worthy
Early life and education[edit]
- Can you be more specific on how many brothers she has? I only count three so far in one ref used, which would make "several" an exaggeration as that would imply five or more.
- I can't find anything that states or even suggests Mount Tabor High School in either citation
- Let's elaborate on how she changed paths from poetry to writing plays, specifically input from her professors in college
I'll be back with more later. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:28, 29 May 2019 (UTC)
Career[edit]
Early plays[edit]
- It would probably help to put "generally unconvincing" in quotation marks when this is an exact phrase used in The New York Times
- Let's include reviewers' names
- "less positive"..... I'd go with favorable so the word "positive" and its forms aren't used so repetitively
Expanding into screenwriting[edit]
- "theatre agent" → theater agent, use American spelling for an article on an American subject
- "worked as a staff writer for three years"..... seasons would be more accurate
Sorry, this update was definitely overdue. I'll still review in chunks though. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 06:01, 9 June 2019 (UTC)
The Cake and American Gods[edit]
- This doesn't mention Neil Gaiman or his book
This Is Us (2016–present)[edit]
- No mention of when this series debuted?
- Starting two consecutive sentences with "she" feels repetitive
- "has been credited as sole writer or co-writer on six episodes" isn't supported by either of the attributed citations
- I couldn't find any mention of a specific episode name here, only a scene description
Getting closer. Hopefully my next batch will be the last one. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:33, 17 June 2019 (UTC)
Going to a Place Where You Already Are and later work[edit]
- "The play follows two couples who discuss whether heaven really exists as they confront health challenges and the possibility of dying"..... From that sentence, I could only find a discussion on heaven potentially existing, so either remove the couples/health details or add something that actually supports them. I should also note this doesn't delve so much into the debate over whether it exists.
- Law of attraction should be singular; don't distort the quote with a plural
Personal life[edit]
- Seems kind of bare. Perhaps you could add something on how she met Morrison Keddie or how long they were together before getting engaged/married. Super short paragraphs like this are also discouraged per MOS:PARAGRAPHS as they make text look choppy (especially when there's a bunch of short ones in a row, which thankfully isn't the case here).
Bibliography[edit]
- This title is discouraged as a vague name for sections per MOS:BIB.
References[edit]
- "I care Deeply", "Carolina Alumni Review", WXII-TV, Brit + Co, NPR, Vulture, Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, "American Theatre", "DC Metro Theater Arts", "The Interval", and CNN shouldn't be in italics
- @SNUGGUMS: why wouldn't periodical titles (online or not) be italicized per MOS:ITALICTITLE? American Theatre and Carolina Alumni Review, for example, are long-running periodicals. Bakazaka (talk) 06:39, 22 June 2019 (UTC)
Overall[edit]
- Prose: Needs some touching up, especially regarding MOS:PARAGRAPHS
- Referencing: Not all references are properly formatted, and you need to ensure all content is supported by the citations attributed to it.
- Coverage: Personal life could use expansion
- Neutrality: No bias detected
- Stability: Looks good
- Media: Image used is A-OK
- Verdict: On hold for seven days starting now. That should be enough time to resolve my remaining concerns. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 04:56, 22 June 2019 (UTC)