Talk:De Stem des Bloeds/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Moswento (talk · contribs) 11:53, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this one. I've done an initial read through and it looks good, and I'll post a detailed review later today or tomorrow. Moswento ^talky 11:53, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, thanks beforehand. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:01, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

A very good article, just a few brief suggestions/queries.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
See below for a few comments
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
All looks good
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Nothing missing, nothing irrelevant
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
No bias here
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
1930s Indonesian films aren't known for their edit wars
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
The one picture is good, and is a nice addition to the article
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

"One day, van Kempen must return " - using the word "must" here sounds a bit odd. Also, is there a reason why he had to return? If it's not important, you could just go with "One day, van Kempen returns..."
- Changed to "returns". The reason wasn't in the sources. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"He searches for Siti and the couple's children, but none of his old coworkers know where they are...Annie stays at home with their mother." - I found this part of the plot synopsis confusing at first, because it's not clear if the information about his children is information that van Kempen is aware of or not. When I first read it, I assumed that van Kempen eventually does find Siti and the children before what happens in the next paragraph, and that you neglected to mention it. Would be worth reworking to clarify, perhaps even moving the information about the children to the end of the first paragraph as "background" to the story ahead.
- I'd rather not move the information on the children would do well in the first paragraph, as "fifteen years later" is rather important. I've changed it a bit. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the supervisor's deeds" - I'm not sure if "actions" would be better than "deeds" here?
- Sure. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"which may account for why the focused on native customs and farming" - I think you meant "he focused" rather than "the focused", although "which may account for the focus on..." might be less clumsy
- Second one, d'oh. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Vally Lank, and Jan Kruyt." - what parts did they play?
- Not in any of the sources. :-( — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the novel of the same name." - do you know the author of said novel? That would be worth mentioning
- Not in any of the sources. :-( None of my modern sources (i.e. Biran, filmindonesia.or.id, and Said) even mention that it was from a novel, and WorldCat doesn't show a book named De Stem des Bloeds or Njai Siti which would have been available at the time either. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"low production values." - is this values as in costs or values as in standards? Perhaps worth clarifying
- Wanted to link it, as it has a specific meaning, but for some reason our article on the subject was moved to Wiktionary. Linked there. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:32, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"22 March of that year. By July of that year" - delete second "of that year" to avoid repetition?
- Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:35, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"reportedly a success" - for me, "reportedly" means "allegedly"; perhaps something like "reported as a success" would be preferable?
- To be, but okay. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:35, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A review in the Surabaya-based De Indiesche Courant praised the film" - perhaps add "also" before "praised" so that it flows better from previous sentence
- Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:35, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the farmer's were harvesting rice at sunset" - I'll let you spot the mistake to avoid embarrassment :p
- At least it wasn't a greengrocer. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:35, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Carli went on to make another film starring Krohn..." - I'm wondering if this paragraph would be better under 'Legacy'? Perhaps not, just throwing it out there.
- Fair enough. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:35, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Biran suggests that...He suggests that " - rephrase to avoid repetition?
- Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:54, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"JB Kristanto's Katalog Film Indonesia (Indonesian Film Catalogue)" - if you could put a year to this Katalog, that would be helpful
- Filmindonesia.or.id is the online version, so a year technically doesn't apply. If we wanted a paper copy, we'd have to choose which one — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:54, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

That's all folks!

Yep, I think so. Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:54, 20 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your prompt answers to my queries. I have just two follow-up comments on the above, and then I promise I will leave you in peace:

In the modified plot summary: "has meanwhile fallen for Ervine and tries unsuccessfully to woo her. Meanwhile," - would be good to remove or alter one of the "meanwhile"s
In the production section: "which may account for why the focus on native customs" - I'm not sure if you left the "why" in deliberately or accidentally, but it seems redundant

In which case, I am happy to promote this to GA. Congratulations! Keep up the good work! And thank you for allowing me to review an interesting article! Moswento ^talky 12:21, 21 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

LoL, thanks. I think my most interesting thus far is the Oil futures drunk-trading incident... oh, and Muria people saw quite a few hits. Neither are in GA shape though. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:23, 21 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]