Talk:Gordon Cooper/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Balon Greyjoy (talk · contribs) 08:19, 26 January 2019 (UTC)
You're stuck with me as a reviewer again, Hawkeye7! I saw this pop up a few days ago, and wanted to give the other reviewers a chance to critique it (and give you a break from my walls of text). I intended to improve Gordon Cooper's page about a year ago, as I was working on the Oklahoma astronauts. After reading his fairly disorganized and rambling autobiography, I lost interest and improved the Wally Schirra article instead. I'm impressed by your work on Cooper's page.
I'm trying a new method of reviewing GANs that I saw Gog the Mild use; let me know if you like it. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 08:19, 26 January 2019 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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- Lead
- I know there probably isn't much more to go off of, but the lead section is a little short. Is there any more information about his later life that you would deem relevant? I would include a little more detail about Gemini 5.
- "last American to be launched alone to conduct an entirely solo orbital mission" I think this could be shortened to something like "last American to fly on a solo orbital mission," as its implied that he's launched alone if he is solo for the entire mission.
- Early life and education
- I would remove "Gordo" from the opening sentence, as his nickname is already introduced in the lead section.
- I added "in" before Tecumseh
- Fix the grammar on the only child phrase; my take is either "as the only child of..." or "...Oklahoma; he was the only child of..."
- I don't have a good fix for it, but the short sentence "His mother was a school teacher." reads awkwardly. Do you have info at which school she taught, what age, etc.?
- Make the tense consistent in the Oklahoma National Guard sentence
- Where did his father serve as a judge?
- Any idea on where his father served as a JAG? If not, it should say "the Pacific theater"
- Remove "This time he remained in the military" as that is clear from the remainder of the paragraph about his later career.
- Was his father at Hickam for the entire 10 year period from 1947-57?
- You use the term "American football" vs. "football" twice. Is there any guidance on how this should be used in articles? My perspective (coming from an American who is not a diehard that football means American football) is that you can just say football and link to American football, as Cooper was an American and would have considered himself a football player vs. an American football player. But I can see the other side that a lot of readers will be coming from the perspective of football being what Americans call soccer.
- I would change "was involved in American football and track" to "was on the American football and track teams"
- Make Cooper the subject of the sentence about the state championship and shorten the sentence. Also, change "senior high school year" to "senior year in high school." My reasoning is that is how it is commonly referred to in American English, and should be phrased that way when describing an American. My take is: "In his senior year of high school, Cooper played as a halfback in the football state championship."
- Keep the tense consistent in the sentence about Cooper learning to fly. I would also move the soloing detail to the next sentence. My take is: "Cooper's parents owned a Command-Aire biplane, and he learned to fly at a young age. He unofficially soloed when he was 12 years old, and earned his pilot's licence in a Piper J-3 Cub when he was 16 years old."
- I would break up the sentence about not being able to fly for the Army or the Navy and then enlisting in the Marine Corps, as it's not like he chose the Marine Corps because they would allow him to become a pilot.
- Do you have a date (either exact or approximate) for when he left for basic training? I think it's vague to say that he left as soon as he graduated from high school, as that could be a matter of days/weeks/months, etc. Clearly it wasn't too long, as his high school graduation wasn't that long before the Japanese surrender.
- I would rephrase the "World War II ending before he saw active service," as he was active duty (albeit in training) during WWII, he just didn't deploy in support of it.
- The sentence about Navy Prep School/Academy is a bit of a run on, and should be broken up/combined with the next sentence. Additionally, I would rephrase "the man who was the primary appointee made the grade," as it's not clear what making the grade is in this case. My take is "He was then assigned to the Naval Academy Preparatory School for an alternate appointment to the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis, Maryland, but was not invited to attend. He was reassigned to guard duty in Washington, D.C., and was serving in the Presidential Honor Guard when he was discharged from the Marine Corps in 1946."
- That seems garbled to me. You are not invited to attend, you are appointed by your Congressman. The alternates are in case the primary appointee does not pass the exams. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:40, 27 January 2019 (UTC)
- I think "made the grade" is a colloqualism and should be changed. It's not clear that means that the primary appointee enrolled at the Naval Academy.
- That seems garbled to me. You are not invited to attend, you are appointed by your Congressman. The alternates are in case the primary appointee does not pass the exams. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:40, 27 January 2019 (UTC)
- Rearrange the information on the second and third sentences of the final paragraph in the section. Also, in keeping the maiden name formatting consistent with the mention of his mother, I would write it as: "He attended the University of Hawaii, where he met his first wife, Trudy (nee Olson)." I would move the J-3 Cub information to the previous sentence, and state "Cooper moved to Hawaii to live with his parents, and bough a J-3 Cub."
- Interesting fact about Trudy's having a pilot's license. The sentence reads awkwardly, and she wasn't a wife of a Mercury astronaut at the time. My take is "Trudy was also a pilot, and would later be the only wife of the Mercury astronauts to have her pilot's license."
- I added "they" to the sentence about Gordon and Trudy getting married.
- Remove the sentence about continuing to live in Hawaii, as that is implied since there is no mention of them moving.
- I would shorten the sentence about their daughters, and just say "They had two daughters, Camala Keoki and Janita Lee."
- I made grammar fixes to the sentences about high school sports. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 13:03, 28 January 2019 (UTC)
- Military service
- I would move his participation in ROTC to the previous section, as he did that at school vs. when he was in the military (admittedly I have a personal bias against service members claiming their time at a service academy or ROTC detachment as time spent in the military)
- Spell out the ROTC acronym the first time it is used (wherever it ends up)
- If you leave the ROTC statement under military service, combine it with the next sentence to make it flow better "Cooper was active in the Reserve Officer Training Corps at college, and commissioned as a second lieutenant in the US Army in June 1949."
- I changed "second Lieutenant" to "second lieutenant"
- Change "He was able to transfer his commission" to "He transferred his commission"
- Shouldn't it say he "entered" active duty, as "placed on" makes it seem like there were other places that he could have gone.
- Make the tense consistent for "received flight training" and "flying a North American T-6 Texan"
- I would removed "North American" from the name of the T-6 Texan, as you don't use the manufacturer when describing other aircraft.
- Remove "flight" from "flight assignment," as he had already been on a flying assignment when he was in training.
- Change it to "became a flight commander in the 525th..." as there are multiple flights and flight commanders in a squadron.
- Make the tense consistent in the sentence about attending AFIT
- Change the beginning of the sentence about the T-33 crash to something like "They were both involved in an accident during takeoff from Lowry Field on June 23, 1956, when the Lockheed T-33 Cooper was piloting suddenly lost power." While I would never want to experience their crash (or any plane crash for that matter), it doesn't make sense to describe them as both "nearly killed" and "escaped unscathed."
- Make the tense consistent in the sentence about the T-33 crash
- Combine the sentence about Grissom attending Flight Test School with the previous sentence. "Cooper and Grissom both attended the USAF Experimental Flight Test School (Class 56D) at Edwards Air Force Base in California in 1956
- What deficiencies in the F-106 did he correct and how much money was saved? While I don't doubt Cooper's success as a test pilot, my experience tells me that many military reports attribute small actions with large amounts of money and lives saved.
It's easy to do in the Air Force, given the expensive equipment involved, and high number of accidents. Like many aircraft of the era, the F-106 had its share, including an ejector seat that killed the first 12 people who tried to use it. I haven't got the source of the source. It's interesting that you don't doubt Cooper's success as a test pilot, given what Slayton has to say below. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:42, 28 January 2019 (UTC)
- I see that you removed it entirely, which I think is the right call. As for trusting Cooper's success as a test pilot, I understand that Slayton had some less-than-kind things to say about him, and Cooper has become one of the more "forgettable" Mercury astronauts. But I figure he still had to do a pretty good job along the way to pass test pilot school and get selected as a Mercury astronaut. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 12:52, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- I changed "was" to "were"
- NASA career
Project Mercury
- As far as I can tell, the citations used for this section don't make any mention of Cooper reading about the space capsule contract, or that he wasn't surprised when he was selected.
- I would remove the Deke Slayton quote, as it is only one example of someone like agreeing with Cooper's selection. It's no secret that Slayton didn't like Cooper, and I can't help but wonder if Slayton's insults towards Cooper in his book were the result of years of not working well together. Are there any other sources that indicate that others did not like Cooper's selection?
- I think it's important. And it's a lot older than it looks. From The Right Stuff, p. 113: Two of the Air Force pilots were from Edwards. That was to be expected; Edwards was the big league. But one of them, Gordon Cooper, was a man Gus had known at Wright-Pat at one point, and Cooper was not in Fighter Ops at Edwards. The very hottest pilots at Edwards, of course, were in the rocket plane projects, the X-series. The best line-test pilots were in Fighter Ops as prime pilots in the testing of aircraft such as the century series of jet fighters. That was what the other Edwards pilot, Deke Slayton, had been involved in. But Cooper - Cooper had graduated from the Test Pilot School and was officially a test pilot, but he had been involved mainly in engineering. Wolfe was writing this circa 1970. He chose Gus Grissom's POV. He did interview Gus; but it is strange that Gus would have forgotten that they were in the same class at the Test Pilot School Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- But that Wolfe quote just states that Grissom noted that Cooper had never been a fighter test pilot, not that he was surprised by his selection to astronaut. I just think it is placing extra emphasis on the negatives of Cooper's selection, when clearly many people had to give their nod of approval for him over many other qualified applicants.
- But not fighter pilots. The text goes on: Not only that, but there was this fellow from the Navy, Scott Carpenter. He seemed a likeable sort, but he had never been in a fighter squadron. He had been flying multi-engine propeller planes and had only two hundred hours in jets. What did this say about the business of being selected as a Mercury astronaut? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:02, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- While his test fighter pilot peers in the NASA Astronaut Corps may have disapproved of his selection, Cooper surely had to impress test fighter pilots beforehand to be selected for TPS, and then ultimately as a suitable candidate for the Mercury Seven
- But not fighter pilots. The text goes on: Not only that, but there was this fellow from the Navy, Scott Carpenter. He seemed a likeable sort, but he had never been in a fighter squadron. He had been flying multi-engine propeller planes and had only two hundred hours in jets. What did this say about the business of being selected as a Mercury astronaut? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:02, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- But that Wolfe quote just states that Grissom noted that Cooper had never been a fighter test pilot, not that he was surprised by his selection to astronaut. I just think it is placing extra emphasis on the negatives of Cooper's selection, when clearly many people had to give their nod of approval for him over many other qualified applicants.
- I think it's important. And it's a lot older than it looks. From The Right Stuff, p. 113: Two of the Air Force pilots were from Edwards. That was to be expected; Edwards was the big league. But one of them, Gordon Cooper, was a man Gus had known at Wright-Pat at one point, and Cooper was not in Fighter Ops at Edwards. The very hottest pilots at Edwards, of course, were in the rocket plane projects, the X-series. The best line-test pilots were in Fighter Ops as prime pilots in the testing of aircraft such as the century series of jet fighters. That was what the other Edwards pilot, Deke Slayton, had been involved in. But Cooper - Cooper had graduated from the Test Pilot School and was officially a test pilot, but he had been involved mainly in engineering. Wolfe was writing this circa 1970. He chose Gus Grissom's POV. He did interview Gus; but it is strange that Gus would have forgotten that they were in the same class at the Test Pilot School Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- "Squeaky-clean" is a colloquialism; replace it with more neutral text
- Remove the part about the Atlas rocket exploding. Not to downplay the danger of Cooper's mission, but it wasn't like he was one of the first individuals to fly on an Atlas rocket. I view this detail as more pertinent to Carpenter and Glenn.
- Combine the introductory sentences about earning flight pay. My take is, "To continue earning their flight pay, the astronauts would travel to Langley Air Force Base..."
- I would remove the competing with the colonels and generals part. It's tough getting your flight hours in for any number of reasons, and I'm sure that office politics were only a part of why it was difficult. Additionally, the wording makes it seem like it was an every-weekend affair to get flight hours, when they only needed 4 hours a month, so I'm curious how difficult it was for them to get the time (even in the non-air-refueling era, this is only 2-4 sorties a month)
- The sentence about flying the F-104B comes across as editorialized. My take is "Rather than fly the T-33, Cooper travelled to McGhee Tyson Air National Guard Base in Kentucky to fly the higher-performance F-104B."
- Readers would not know why. Prefer it as it is. It has confused some writers. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- I would remove "all the way" and either state that he traveled to Tyson Air National Guard Base, or state that he travelled the 500 miles from Langley to Tyson ANGB (which I'm showing is in Tennesseee, not Kentucky). Also, I think there could be better wording for "too tame," as the T-33 is still a high performance aircraft, just not as much as the F-104.
- Readers would not know why. Prefer it as it is. It has confused some writers. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- While its clear to people who have read too many astronaut biographies what Cooper did, I think it's confusing to say that he reported an issue to the newspaper and then a congressman, as it's not presented as if there is some clear problem. Reword this section to make it seem less like a NASA problem and more of an astronaut's complaint about the allotted aircraft.
- I've explained what the problem was: that flight pay was an important component of the astronauts' salaries. The conversion to 2018 dollars lets the reader know what a significant amount it was. It would be a significant sum for most of the readers. From NASA's point of view, there was no reason to allot expensive aircraft to astronauts. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- Yes, but the way it is written makes it come across is that the issue that Cooper complained about is that the astronauts didn't have access to the faster and more powerful aircraft such as the F-104, and just had to train on the T-33. This should be reworded to make it clear that the problem that NASA had to fix is that they weren't able to get their requisite flying hours.
- I've explained what the problem was: that flight pay was an important component of the astronauts' salaries. The conversion to 2018 dollars lets the reader know what a significant amount it was. It would be a significant sum for most of the readers. From NASA's point of view, there was no reason to allot expensive aircraft to astronauts. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:33, 29 January 2019 (UTC)
- I think it's important to note that the F-102 is a high performance aircraft that is also capable of landing at civilian airfields. But I think there should be a better description of it's performance capabilities than "something that Cooper considered a "hot plane."" I would state "...flew F-102s, giving them dedicated access to a high-performance interceptor aircraft that could still take off from and land at short civilian airfields."
- The "civilian airfields" is another allusion to Cooper. He landed his F-106 at an airfield to refuel, and when told it was too short for him to take off from, he took off with only nine minutes of fuel in the tank and made it to an military air base. Gus Grissom pioneered flying a T-38 non-stop from Houston to Los Angeles. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:32, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- I saw that anecdote in Slayton's book. A younger me would have thought that it was cool and brave, but now older me just thinks about how stupid and stubborn it was.
- I don't think it's wrong to include the civilian airfield part, but the sentence itself comes across as WP:EDITORIAL
- The "civilian airfields" is another allusion to Cooper. He landed his F-106 at an airfield to refuel, and when told it was too short for him to take off from, he took off with only nine minutes of fuel in the tank and made it to an military air base. Gus Grissom pioneered flying a T-38 non-stop from Houston to Los Angeles. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:32, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
Mercury-Atlas 9
- Rewrite the introduction to sound more like an encyclopedia entry vs. a story. "On (insert date), Cooper was assigned to the Mercury-Atlas 9 (MA-9) mission."
- State who at NASA Headquarters was unenthusiastic about Cooper's assignment, rather than personifying the headquarters.
- Changed to not peronalise HQ. Source doesn't provide names, and I doubt I would use them if it did.
- How credible is the claim that "His laid-back attitude and Oklahoma accent didn't help." Is it attributed to many NASA officials. I ask because I feel like those are reasons that are speculated upon and presumed, not actual documented criticisms of Cooper.
- Shorten the Slayton quote to what he actually said to NASA management.
- Who is the astronaut hero being referenced, Slayton or Cooper? Also, it should specify what NASA did not want to do to its astronaut heroes.
- It clearly says: "Slayton later recalled" Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:50, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- My apologies if I was unclear, but it's not clear which astronaut would be harmed by NASA. Was it Slayton because they were rejecting his support of Cooper, or Cooper because they were sending him back to the Air Force without a spaceflight.
- It clearly says: "Slayton later recalled" Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:50, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- Change "vision" to "goal"
- How seriously did NASA disapprove of the name Faith because of the possible headline of "NASA loses Faith?" Was top-level management concerned about it, or was it just a comment made by am employee about the possibility of it? If it's the latter, I don't know how important it is to include that fact.
- While anyone who has seen Top Gun should know what buzzing with an aircraft is, it should be replaced with "flew low over Hangar S." Buzzing is aviator jargon.
- Change "let Cooper sweat," as that is a figure of speech.
- Was Cooper ever told of his possible replacement? The paragraph talks about his arguments and transgressions, and then goes into a discussion between Williams and Slayton. Then it seems like the first Cooper heard about it was the story that JFK intervened on his behalf.
- Did JFK intervene or was Slayton just saying that? If it is the former, the sentence should just state that JFK intervened, not that Slayton told Cooper about it.
- It's what Cooper remembered. Slayton and Williams' accounts do not mention it, so Slayton may have made it up. Most editors would just add it anyway. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:50, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- I feel like a presidential intervention is a pretty big detail to leave out by the other individuals in the situation. I'm inclined to think Slayton may not be the reliable source in this.
- It's what Cooper remembered. Slayton and Williams' accounts do not mention it, so Slayton may have made it up. Most editors would just add it anyway. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:50, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- Remove the spacecraft velocity, as it's not like he was at a constant velocity for the entire mission, even in orbit, and there's nothing particularly notable about that speed, just that it is the required speed to achieve the orbit he was in.
Done Speed, not velocity. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:50, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- My high school physics teacher would yell at me for that one! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 13:52, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- I would replace 7.6 standard gravities to 7.6 g, and link "g" to the standard gravities page.
- Is time in space officially counted at the length of the mission from takeoff to recovery? I ask because there is time both pre-launch (very little) and during landing (much more) that is not in outer space
- Remove "Fortunately," per WP:EDITORIALIZING. Obviously, I agree that it's fortunate that his radios continued to work, but it isn't necessary in the article.
- Change "...orientation produce large... to "...orientation could produce large..." as it was a potential/hypothetical, and not what occurred.
- Remove "just" before "4 miles." While Cooper's dartboard accuracy is impressive, it's editorializing to use "just" in the sentence like that.
Project Gemini
- The MA-10 information is much more pertinent to Alan Shepard. I would include it if Cooper had been the backup for the official mission, but an entire paragraph about an unapproved mission is unnecessary.
- Remove "with two members of the nine" as the sentence is already long, and the most important thing is that Conrad and Cooper hadn't previously worked together, where Armstrong and See had.
- Change "At the end of the test, which was successful" to "At the end of the successful test"
- Change "pushed back" to "delayed"
- At some points you use the imperial units and have the metric units in parentheses, while you have it the opposite in this section. I think it should be standardized throughout the article.
- Is this a scientific article or a non-scientific article? If the former, then the US customary units, like chains and hogs heads, come first. Otherwise, metric comes first. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:05, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- I'm not arguing that one unit should be first vs. the other (although I am a bit of a traitor to America by preferring metric), but it should be standardized throughout the article. Also, I'm not sure why a non-scientific article would use imperial units vs. metric, as almost all universally used scientific units are metric.
- Is this a scientific article or a non-scientific article? If the former, then the US customary units, like chains and hogs heads, come first. Otherwise, metric comes first. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:05, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- "While MA-9 had become uncomfortably warm, Gemini 5 became very cold." Rather than compare these two, as they are unrelated missions other than that Cooper was on both of them, state how cold Gemini 5 became.
- "There were also problems with the Orbital Attitude and Maneuvering System thrusters" This should say what the problems were
- Remove "The mission continued" as that is clear from the remainder of the paragraph describing the mission.
- Why did they rehearse a double launch with an Atlas-Agena when they didn't intend to use it as a target.
- Fix the grammar in the sentence of Cooper practicing orbital rendezvous, specifically "...orbital rendezvous, bring his craft to a..."
- Remove "not problems with the spacecraft," as it will be clear that they returned early by just stating Hurricane Betsy as the cause.
- "A new target was designated" Is this a new target area or target time for them to retrofire?
- Changed to "splashdown target area". But the retrofire time was changed too.
- State how Cooper recognized the navigation issue and attempted to compensate. I'm not sure what the display/sensor suite showed, but I would think that he wouldn't have many visual indications that they were off course until it was much too late.
- Add the verb for what the helicopters did once they plucked them from the sea
Project Apollo
- What does the word "qupping" mean?
- You've already mentioned that Slayton is grounded. I would change "by the Director of Flight Crew Operations, grounded Mercury 7 astronaut Deke Slayton" to "by Deke Slayton, then the Director of Flight Crew Operations."
- The sentence about Shepard returning is very long. I would recommend removing extra info and breaking it up. If you mention that Shepard was grounded earlier in the article, I would leave it out entirely from this sentence. Additionally, make Shepard the subject of the entire sentence. My take is "When Shepard returned to flying status in May 1969, he replaced Cooper as the commander of Apollo 13. He was later reassigned to Apollo 14 to allow him more time to train."
- State which assignment that Cooper had to do an outstanding job on to get an Apollo assignment; I'm assuming it was Apollo 10 backup commander? In what ways did he fail Slayton's expectations?
- No, he doesn't go into any detail, and it is strange. Slayton is correct in that crews were in short supply at this time. Missions were being flown at a frenetic pace. Six crews were available, all detailed to missions. Under the usual scheme, Apollo 10 would have been backed up by Schirra's Apollo 7 crew, headed by Eisele, with Cunningham as CMP and newbie Mitchell as LMP. But the Apollo 7 crew were in the doghouse after that mission, so Slayton seems to have imposed Cooper on the crew. It couldn't have been done lightly though; had Stafford slipped on a bar of soap, Cooper would have been moonbound on Apollo 10. My personal conjecture is that Slayton wanted a Mercury astronaut to walk on the Moon. With Schirra and Glenn gone, Grissom dead, and Carpenter, Shepard and Slayton grounded, that left only Cooper. When Shepard returned to flight status, he claimed the next available mission. The falling out between Slayton and Cooper seems to stem from this. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:35, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- Is there a date for when he and Trudy divorced?
- No, and this is not unusual, even in articles with much richer sources than this one. The problem is that you file for divorce, and it takes months or even years to become final. People tend to remember when they separated rather than when the divorce was filed or became final. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:35, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- I think there should be some specificity on when they split up, even though there may not be a hard date. Right now it's unclear if he and Trudy divorced a day or two after he retired from the Air Force, or within the next few years.
- No, and this is not unusual, even in articles with much richer sources than this one. The problem is that you file for divorce, and it takes months or even years to become final. People tend to remember when they separated rather than when the divorce was filed or became final. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:35, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
Later life
- Make Cooper the subject of the sentence about writing his autobiography, and move book details to later in the section, as both books were written/released after many of the events that are described in this section
- Move the honorary D.Sc. to the Awards and honors section.
- "In addition, he was also" This is redundant, eliminate one of the ways to note that he was additionally president of GCR
- I added a comma after "conducted tire tests for race cars"
- The final sentence in the second paragraph needs to be reworded, and possibly broken into multiple sentences.
- Make the tense consistent in the Profile Race Team sentence
- Either shorten or break up the sentence about the companies that he served as a technical consultant, as it is a run on sentence. My take is just to state that he served as a technical consultant and list the companies.
- It says the Gordon Cooper & Associates was a consulting firm twice
- I don't think it's appropriate to use "specializing" and then describing a wide range of jobs.
- Is Galaxy Group Inc still around? A quick Google search didn't reveal anything that fits its description. If it's not around, its description should be in the past tense.
Death
- When did Cooper develop Parkinson's disease? Was it long before his death?
- Combine the first two sentences about the COTS Demo Flight
- State what type of Falcon launch vehicle was used
- I added "that"
- In this section, you state that Cooper and Suzan Taylor had two daughters (vs "two children, both daughters"). As you had previously pushed back on using that language because it opened the possibility that the reader would assume there are unmentioned sons, why is that included here?
UFO sightings
- I would move this section to after the NASA career section, as it happened during his earlier career
- It's not necessary to include his age and rank when describing his assignment at Edwards
- Make the tense consistent in the sentence about James Bittick and Jack Gettys
- I would change "According to his accounts, later that morning they returned to report to Cooper" to "Acording to Cooper's accounts, they returned to him later that morning and reported" as Cooper isn't mentioned until much later in the sentence, and it's not clear that Cooper is the subject of the sentence and the person giving the account
- "who on a regular basis have seen experimental aircraft flying and landing around them as part of their job of filming those aircraft" This is a bit of a run on. My take is "who regularly saw experimental aircraft flying and landing"
- "were clearly worked up and unnerved" I think "worked up" and "unnerved" are synonmous in this section. As "worked up" is more of a figure of speech, I think it should read "were clearly unnerved."
- I added a comma after "gears"
- Combine "they took photographs and film" with the previous sentence.
- Rewrite/split up the sentence about the Pentagon phone number, as it contains a lot of information, and shouldn't have a colon. Additionally, remove "special," as the number itself isn't special, just the appropriate number to call. Also, I would remove "reported up the chain of command" as it's not like Cooper was privy to the information routing on the other end of the line, and I don't think that his call to a dedicated number for UFO reports would have him be repeatedly transferred to individuals of progressively higher rank.
- The first sentence in the fourth paragraph comes across as editorialized. Remove the italicized emphasis. My take is "Cooper claimed to have viewed the negatives before sending them, despite instructions not to."
- Combine the second and third sentences, as its not necessary to say that the alleged excellent photos were of the expected quality. Addiditionally, I recommend replacing "photography" with "photographs," so there is a clear subject in the sentence. My take is "He said the quality of the photographs were excellent, and depicted exactly what had been described to him."
- Remove "highly" before "classified military installation," as highly classified is not an official category of classification.
- I would rewrite the phrase pf "nothing was ever said about the incident again" because as far as we know, Cooper just never heard of it. There's no telling that, if the incident in question did actually occur (my guess is no), there weren't discussions about it.
- Combine the final two sentences of the fourth paragraph, and reduce some of the excess wording, such as "which was based" and "going to". My take is "He was never able to track down what happened to those photos, but assumed that they ended up at the Air Force's official UFO investigation, Project Blue Book, at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base."
- Remove the sentence "He further claimed these sightings had been "swept under the rug" by the U.S. government." as that says almost the same thing as the first sentence in the paragraph
- Remove "also" before "testified" as this is the only mention of him testifying
- I added "that"
Organizations
- I would combine this section with the Awards and honors section, as it is one sentence long.
- Remove "member of several groups and societies" as quite a few societies/organizations are listed (as opposed to just naming a top 2 or 3).
Awards and honors
- Remove "other" from the sentence, as this isn't a second paragraph following a list of awards.
- I would also break it up into his military decorations, his aviator/astronaut awards, and his honorary awards.
Cultural influence
- Remove "along with his widely noted and appealing personality" as that is a subjective point of view about Cooper. Also, I would use a word different than "accomplishments" because negative things about his life, such as his arguments with Trudy, were depicted as well. Additionally, I would specify that it was only about his time in Mercury, and not his lifelong accomplishments. It's unneccessary to say that Quaid is an actor. I would say that "Cooper's career as a Mercury astronaut was portrayed by Dennis Quaid in the 1983 film The Right Stuff."
- Change "production company on this project" to either "project's production company" or "film's production company" (my vote is the latter)
- The comma after "reportedly" puts an awkward break in the sentence. I would move "reportedly" to later in the sentence "and every line uttered by Quaid is reportedly attributable to Cooper's recollection"
- Remove "rapidly" and just state that Quaid learned Cooper's mannerisms, as that is a subjective measurement of Quaid's learning
- Interesting fact about Quaid's hair. I would shorten that sentence to "Quad had his hair cut and dyed to match the former astronaut's appearance during the 1960s and 1960s."
- I removed the red link around Treveiler's name.
- You shouldn't do that. See WP:REDDEAL: Do not remove these red links. But my personal policy is that I don't add them (or re-add them) unless I intend to create the article in question. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 03:52, 3 February 2019 (UTC)
- Remove "in which is chracter was played by" and just state that "Cooper was portrayed by Robert C. Treveiler in the 1998 HBO miniseries From the Earth to the Moon." It's redundant to say that he was depicted, and then later have a separate phrase stating that an actor played his character.
- I linked David Letterman
- Is Laura Steinel retelling the story of his Mercury flight on the episode of Drunk History? That is not clear from the paragraph, as it is a separate sentence that doesn't make it clear when this depiction occured.
- The dark spots that Cooper reported should be mentioned during the section about his spaceflight. It would make more sense to then introduce that a Discovery Channel show centered on finding them. Also, what were the finding of the crew looking for the ship wrecks?
I have finished my initial review, and am placing the article review on hold. I will address any comments/provide further feedback tonight and tomorrow morning. I'm going to the mainland this weekend, so I won't be able to answer any questions/provide any additional comments for a few days. Nice work on a tough article! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 07:09, 31 January 2019 (UTC)
- @Balon Greyjoy: I have addressed all the issues raised. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 2 February 2019 (UTC)
Additional cleanup[edit]
After reviewing the edits you made, I have a few issues to address, and I figure it's easier to make a separate section vs. insert them into the appropriate area in my wall of text.
Early life and education
- Change "state championship" to "state football championship" to indicate what sport he was playing.
- "about two months before graduating with his class in 1945" There are two classes that he was a part of in 1945, so it's not clear saying "his class." Additionally, you mention 1945 twice, which is redundant as two months prior top June 1945 is still 1945. I would replace it with "two months before his high school graduation"
- "After Cooper learned that the United States Army and Navy flying schools were not taking any more candidates." This is not a complete sentence.
- It may be a misunderstanding of grammar on my part, but shouldn't "when both were 20 years old" be "when they were both 20-years-old"
- "They had daughters: Camala Keoki, born in 1948, and Janita Lee, born in 1950." Rephrase this, as two daughters doesn't merit creating a list after the colon. Maybe say "Trudy gave birth to their first daughter, Camala Keoki, in 1958, and their second daughter, Janita Lee, in 1950" If you would like to keep the colon, state the total number of daughters "They had two daughters"
Military service
- I think it should say "in the T-6 Texan" vs "in a T-6 Texan" as he likely flew more than one aircraft throughout his training, they were all just T-6 Texans.
Project Mercury
- I think the MajGen Cooper recollection of the space capsule construction is unnecessary, as it's not clear that Gordon Cooper connected the dots that this meant that he was going to apply to become an astronaut.
- Shorten the phrase about competing with senior officers. My take it "To continue earning their flight pay, Grissom and Slayton would go out on the weekend to Langley Air Force Base, and compete for flying time with senior officers to get the required four hours a month." I do think saying "no less eager" is relevant, as the senior officers were similarly tasked throughout the work week. I think describing them as "deskbound" is just an aviator-speak insult, and doesn't mean anything other than their duties require them to be increasingly out of the airplane. They clearly are still active aircrew if they are trying to get their flight hours in.
- Remove "all the way" when describing traveling to McGhee Tyson. It's enough to just say that he traveled there.
- Rephrase "too tame for Cooper's taste" to something that objectively describes what he didn't like about it. Such as "Cooper preferred the (faster/more maneuverable) F-104B to the T-33"
- Similarly, rephrase "hot plane" and use a more descriptive adjective, as "hot" doesn't describe it in any measurable way, other than that Cooper liked it
- Rephrase "turning a blind eye" as it is a figure of speech
- Is there a source that Corvettes established themselves as a sought-after brand because of the astronauts?
- "had some success with the female astronaut groupies." Use a different word than groupies, as that is a colloqualism. Additionally, make it more objective, like "had several affairs" vs. "had some success"
Mercury-Atlas 9
- Combine "NASA public affairs officers were not pleased. They could see the newspaper headlines if the spacecraft were lost at sea: "NASA loses Faith"." The first part of the sentence (the first sentence in your text) should state what the NASA officials weren't pleased about. It's implied because it follows a sentence about the naming, but it's not clear that is what it's about, and that question isn't answered until the next sentence. My take is "NASA public affairs officers disapproved of the name, because of the potential newspaper headlines of ""NASA loses Faith" if the spacecraft were lost at sea."
Project Gemini
- I maintain that an entire paragraph about the cancelled MA-10 is unnecessary.
- Assuming the MA-10 paragraph is kept, remove the editorialized wording from it, specifically changing "and even had the name Freedom 7 II" to "and had the name Freedom 7 II" and removing "Ironically" when describing that Cooper might have flown it. It's not ironic that a backup crewmember would fly in place of a primary crewmember should they fall out.
- Remove "finally" from "finally launched" and just state that they did launch. The previous delays were acknowledged in the sentences beforehand.
- "The mission was cut short by the appearance of Hurricane Betsy in the planned recovery area. A new splashdown target area was designated to bring Gemini 5 down before the storm hit." This is confusing, as the first sentence makes it seem like they had move the landing area to avoid the storm, and the second sentence makes it seem like they landed early before the storm entered the landing area (one sentence is spatial deconflicing, the other is time deconfliction). I'm assuming this means that the location AND time were different for landing than previously projected.
Project Apollo
- What does the "$28,000" before the Salton City boat race mean? I'm assuming its the size of the first prize winnings? As none of the other races include the prize money before their name, I would remove it.
- I added "in"
- I would reword the sentence about the daughters that he had with Suzan to the same format of the sentence about the daughters that he had with Trudy.
Later life
- The sentence about serving on the boards of different companies is confusing. It makes it seem like he served on the companies' boards and also served on specific projects. Remove "Among the companies" and just state the boards he served on, and give a brief description of the companies. My take is "He served on the boards of Telest, which designed and installed advanced telemetry systems, Doulbloon, which built treasure hunting equiment, and Cosmos, which ran archaeological exploration projects."
- Saying "went sour" is a figure of speech. State "Many of Cooper's business deals were financially unsuccessful" Additionally, I would only keep this sentence in if you have examples of these bad business deals, as the chapter shouldn't end just saying that his business deals failed and providing no examples/evidence (other than the citation), as the rest of the paragraph makes no implications that he was bad at business.
- I really enjoyed reading the article that is referenced here. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 08:08, 5 February 2019 (UTC)
UFO sightings
- I would use "worked up" or "unnerved" but not both, as they are synonymous in this case.
- "There was a special Pentagon number to call to report such incidents, so he called. He was instructed to have their film developed, but to make no prints of it, and send it to the Pentagon right away in a locked courier pouch." I would combine the two sentence. If not, shorten the first sentence to say that he called a number, making Cooper the subject of the sentence. Additionally, I would remove "special" as there is nothing inherently special about the number, it is just the number to reported unknown flying objects. My take is "He called the Pentagon number to report UFO incidents, and was instructed to develop the film but no prints of it, and immediately send it to the Pentagon in a locked courier pouch."
- "As Cooper had not been instructed to not look at the negatives before sending them, he did." As I mentioned in my previous comments, this doesn't make much sense, as the reader sees the first part of the sentence saying that he was instructed not to view the negatives, and then immediately moves to him viewing the negatives. Remove the italicized emphasis, and I would also make it clear that the only reports of these photographs is from Cooper. As I wrote previously, my version is "Cooper claimed to have viewed the negatives before sending them, despite instructions not to."
- I would shorten the sentence about the quality of the photographs, as its unnecessary to state the expectations of the photographers. Similar to the previous sentence, I think it should be spelled out in the text that this is Cooper's report, not widely reported information. My take is "He said the quality of the photographs were excellent, and depicted exactly what had been described to him"
Death
- I changed "Falcon" to "Falcon 9" and linked it.
@Hawkeye7: I have made some additional comments. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 08:08, 5 February 2019 (UTC)
- That's all for me. Looks like the article cannot be brought up to GA standard. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:18, 5 February 2019 (UTC)
- To the contrary, I think this article is up to the GA standard. There are several points that we disagree on, namely the MA-10 information and some wording, but I think you have made an organized and informative page about Cooper's life, and addressed the major points that I've brought up. Nice work; I hope that my editing wasn't too harsh! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 10:56, 5 February 2019 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.