Talk:Hearst Castle/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Tim riley (talk · contribs) 16:03, 19 March 2023 (UTC)
Starting review[edit]
I commented at the peer review of this article, but have otherwise had minimal input and I am happy to review. Starting first perusal now; more soonest. Tim riley talk 16:03, 19 March 2023 (UTC)
This is plainly of GA, and in my view FA, standard. A few minor points you may like to consider.
- Spelling
- Lead
- There is a strange dangling modifier in the third para of the lead: in the sentence beginning "Originally intended as a family home …" Hearst is gramatically the subject, though you mean the castle to be.
- The next sentence is open to question on two counts:
- The list "comprised" – the current edition of Fowler says "Comprise has the whole as its subject and the parts as its object, as in a full pack comprises 52 cards. In this meaning comprise could be replaced by any of consists of, is composed of, or is made up of. The list did not comprise the stars – it comprised them plus Churchill, Wodehouse, Shaw et al. The verb you want here is "include".
- The other point is about "most of the Hollywood stars of the period": the list is certainly impressive, but "most" is a strong word, and I wonder if "many" or even "leading" or "prominent" might be more the mark.
- "drinks in the Assembly Room" – I am unsure of your reasons for capitalising or not capitalising the titles of the various rooms. We have "Assembly Room" here, but later "assembly room" and "Assembly room". Elsewhere we have "Morning room" and "Billiard room/billiard room".
- Buying the land: 1865–1919
- "Hearst's life-long obsession with art collecting began" – neither the OED nor Chambers hyphenates "lifelong"
- Having a ball: 1925–1938
- "Horseback riding" – I smiled, recalling the line in a Coward play, "We just say 'riding' in England. The horse-back is taken for granted". Infeasible in an AmE article, I admit, but I wonder if just "horse-riding" would do? Which other bit of a horse could one ride on?
- Depression, death and after: 1939–present
- "After 2 years of closure" – we usually give numbers up to ten in words rather than digits.
- Casa del Mar
- "Hearst had initially wanted to commence work" – another Coward quote: "I just can't abide the word 'testicles'. It's smug and refined like 'commence' and 'serviette' and 'haemorrhoids'. When in doubt, always turn to the good old honest Anglo-Saxon words."
- Assembly room
- "the only piece of Victorian decorative art in the castle … made by Tiffany for the Exposition Universelle held in Paris in 1889" – I'm quite prepared to be told I'm wrong, but to me "Victorian" suggests Britain and the Empire, rather than New York and Paris.
- Library
- "The majority of the library collections …" – this sentence goes on a bit: by the time I got to the end I had to go back to the beginning to remind myself what the subject was.
- North and South wings
- "the 9,000 square foot basement" – could do with a couple of hyphens so that readers don't momentarily wonder what a foot basement is.
- "a barber shop, for the use of Hearst's guests" – "shop" seems a bit odd. There was, one assumes, no payment expected for one's trim? And was it a purely male establishment?
- Collections
- "its posters had to be pasted over for fear of a libel suit" – that's a bit of a tease. Your readers will (or at least this one did) want a sample of what they said.
- Antiquities
- "those which remain at the castle still form one of the world's largest private groups" – but if the castle and its contents were handed over to the state of California, can one call this a private group?
- Gardens and grounds
- "Hearst concurred; 'Heartily approve …'" – did you intend a semicolon rather than a colon?
- The Neptune pool
- "The Neptune pool, 'the most sumptuous swimming pool on earth'" – I think you really ought to say inline who called it this.
- Appreciation
- "P. G. Wodehouse's novel of 1953, The Return of Jeeves – a tweak is needed here. The 1953 novel was called Ring for Jeeves. It was published in the US in 1954 as The Return of Jeeves. The passage you quote is on p. 237 of the copy on my shelves, also viewable here. Note the missing "at" in your quotation.
- Footnotes
- "As of 2019, the Kennedy Library is undertaking digitalization – still the current state of play in 2023?
- "whose son was, as of 2018, planning to reconstruct them – ditto.
- Not done, yet. I've worked out it was the Madonna Inn, and this, [2], talks of the stones being repatriated. But it's older than 2018, and I can't find anything more recent. Shall keep looking and, if that fails, tweak the wording. KJP1 (talk) 13:56, 21 March 2023 (UTC)
Nothing to cause alarm and despondency there. Over to you. Tim riley talk 12:07, 20 March 2023 (UTC)
Overall summary[edit]
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
- Is it reasonably well written?
- Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
- A. References to sources:
- Well referenced.
- B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
- Well referenced.
- C. No original research:
- A. References to sources:
- Is it broad in its coverage?
- A. Major aspects:
- B. Focused:
- A. Major aspects:
- Is it neutral?
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- Is it stable?
- No edit wars, etc:
- No edit wars, etc:
- Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- Well illustrated.
- B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
- Well illustrated.
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- Overall:
- Pass or Fail:
- Pass or Fail:
On to FAC! Pray ping me then. Tim riley talk 14:22, 21 March 2023 (UTC)