Talk:Hell Island

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(Never edited before, and frankly too scared I'll break something if I try. Hopefully this works/worked!)

Untitled[edit]

There's a few issues with this article. One I can clearly point out is this:

"Hell Island is a remote Pacific Island that no one cares about it is currently used by the American government (Obama) for scientific experiments on pigs and apes. It was originally used as a Japanese airfield during World War II but was captured with a force animals from noahs arch, including Noahs grandfather."

This is an odd sentence, with no real bearing on the novella at all. I believe it's meant to say that it was captured by a force of soldiers led by Shane Schofield's grandfather.

Additional issues/discussion here: 1) Is there any point at all in breaking the flow of the article by clarifying that the government in question is under Obama's administration?

2) Grammar. There's at least one missing period after the first sentence, and something else feels wrong. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but another editor might be able to spot it. There's quite a lot of clumsy work throughout this article.

3) A subset of grammar issues is the use of bracketed statements attempting to clarify parts of the synopsis, such as the three below. I am unsure if this is against wiki policy, or if it is acceptable for this low-importance article.

They set a trap to lock the remaining force in an old ammunition storage bunker before detonating the munitions, but the Delta team's entrance with the rest of the DARPA team (who deactivate the gorillas' neural chips) changes the situation.

What is controlling (or at least, calming the apes down) is a silver disc, which are on the men testing Captain Schofield and his group, including the Delta force.

However, Mother jams the radio signals controlling the apes (remember the silver discs...) releasing them to murder their creators, the scientists.

Much of this can be simply reworded to eliminate the brackets, or explain the important plot points about the mind-control disc and radio frequency jammer earlier in the article.

All right! I hope I haven't broken anything, and hopefully these are all valid reasons to mark this article for cleanup. Happy editing! <3 — Preceding unsigned comment added by 203.161.103.204 (talk) 06:23, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]