Talk:If I Were a Boy/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: — Legolas ^(talk2me) 11:03, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this Jiveesh. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 11:03, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Links – Per the tool, please replace teh redirect links and remove unreliable sources like Youtube etc. Just because someone uploads a video on their "official" account, does not make it notable. Also, wrong addition of junk code in the urls of Yahoo etc should also be replaced.

Done Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:34, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I can still see that for the .pdf links, you haven't added a "format=PDF" in the webcitation template. Also, please replace all caps from the reference titles. Why is acharts.us being used and so many of the online sources are italicized? Please correct them. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 17:31, 19 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done Jivesh boodhun (talk) 06:48, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Not done — Legolas ^(talk2me) 08:14, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done and i left you a message. Jivesh boodhun (talk) 11:42, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I do not endorse the fact that you are placing a {{done}} template here, but in reality the references are still not done. I will point you out to them. Referencs 4, 7, 9, 10, 16, 17, 18, 29, 30 (unreliable), 34, 35, 40 (wrong publisher, Spin is published by Spin Media LLC), 42, 49, 51, 52, 53, 56, 58 (all have wrong titles), 63 (there's no author), 71 (wrong formatting), 73 (presenter full name is Nihal Tyagi), 75 (caps), 76, 82, 94, 98, 99-104, 111-114, 127, 133-135 (why are they suddenly linking to Billboard charts?). So can you imagine what is the impact when you place a {{done}} template and the reviewer comes back and sees that half of them hasn't been done? — Legolas ^(talk2me) 12:13, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The Single Top 100 is a component of the Dutch Top 40, and should be used only if the single did not chart on the Dutch Top 40. Dutch top 40 can be sourced only from acharts if i am not wrong? Jivesh boodhun (talk) 13:48, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://www.top40.nl is the website where the Dutch Top 40 is archived. I told you to check WP:GOODCHARTS. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 16:31, 21 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Are the corrections done? — Legolas ^(talk2me) 15:10, 23 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Yes. Jivesh boodhun (talk) 05:32, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

DAB – No dab links, good.

I will be reviewing the article, mean while you carry on with the url corrections. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 18:00, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose and other reviews[edit]

lead

If I Were a Boy" is a pop song sung by American --> Unnecessary word "sung", the article name is "If I were a boy" and the singer is Beyonce, obviously it would be sung by her. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
which was rejected by her record company --> Who's record company? Jean's or Knowles'? Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Knowles then recorded her version for her third studio album, I Am… Sasha Fierce --> Knowles then recorded a new version for her third studio album, I Am… Sasha Fierce Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
If I Were a Boy" is different from her previous songs in the sense that the song is not a traditional R&B song. The lyrics are both a lament for misunderstanding between the genders and an indictment of the male side of relationships. --> Please rephrase, this is utterly wrong construction. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
received very positive reception from music critics --> WP:WEASEL words should be avoided Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
That whole section about the commercial performance, I felt like I was drowning in details. This is WP:LEAD, not a repetition of the same lines from the commercial performance. Please rephrase. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The song was promoted by several live performances of Knowles' --> When you consistently repeat the word several, either its your duty to confirm the name of the award shows, or don't write the sentence in this way at all. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
File:Si Yo Fuera un Chico If I Were a Boy.JPG --> Fails WP:NFCC#8 in contenxt of the actual cover art. It dopesnt add anything to the reader's understanding, and neither does it portray anything different. Hence remove it. Do you mean alternate covers are not important? Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- They are, if they have a sufficient reason to be kept. This one doesnot. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 08:20, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- - Sorry for insisting. Is there a way it can make it useful? Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:29, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    - If you can find background info regarding why that picture was taken etc etc. Look at The Fame Monster and the discussion in the article regarding why those two images were important. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 08:41, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Background

Up-and-coming singer BC Jean, who wrote most of the song's lyrics, took inspiration in writing "If I Were a Boy" from a bad break-up --> Rephrase, An article should not start with such abstruct beginning. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Jean and producer Toby Gad were strolling in Times Square when the former saw hot dogs that enticed her being peddled on the street. Jean was lamenting about how she was trying to stay away from the hot dogs and noted how if she were a boy, she could probably eat one without regrets.[1] That led to her musing on how if she were a boy, she would be much better than her ex. Gad asked Jean to repeat her sentiments into a recorder.[1] They returned to the studio and wrote the song in 15 minutes. Jean recorded her version of the song which was rejected by her record company.[1] --> I checked the source, and this is a blatant vilation of WP:OR, you cannot blindly copy an author's addition like this. Either rephrase it or I have to remove it. 'Fixed" Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I just found one and i have replaced it. Jivesh boodhun (talk) 13:08, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That whole block about the Spanish version and the remix, how is it making sense in the background section, and not in the composition? Remixes are of course part of composiition, and so is any alternate language versions. Move it. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 06:43, 24 December 2010 (UTC) Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:16, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

in the key of G major with a vocal range from the tone of G♯3 to the note of E5 --> Make it a separate sentence Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The song is the first taste of "I Am ..." and it stands as the only song on either disc that Knowles didn't co-write. --> taste? Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
BC Jean, who wrote most of the song's lyrics, took inspiration in writing "If I Were a Boy" from a bad break-up.[2] --> repetitionRemoved Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The singer further explained that the song is broad --> broad? Removed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The Fergie and Ciara song needs to have a year associated with them, like Irreplaceable. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"If I Were a Boy" is mainly about a wistful role-swapping experiment,[18] that is Kowles narrates on how callously she might treat her lover if she were a boy and she tries to highlight the vulnerability of a woman.[3] --> I could not make out any head and tails of it. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
According to Leah Greenblatt of Entertainment Weekly, "If I Were a Boy" soars with melodic swells and unwavering sentiments shown in its lyrics.[19] In the song, Knowles also wonders what it would be like to drink beer with guys, chase after girls,[20] and continues singing about how she would "chase after the girls" and "put [herself] first" and belts out in the chorus about how she would "be a better man" because she knows "how it hurts when [we] lose the one [we] wanted, [because] he [has] taken [us] for granted."[21 --> My god, couldn't you elongate it more? What? Haha, Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The lyrics are both a lament for misunderstanding between the genders --> I seriously cannot understand what the hell the wrod gender is doing here Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The song features Knowles' delivering an excellent tormented performance[23] with controlled, emotional[22] and passionate vocals.[24] --> I say her voice in the song was pathetic and just shouting, would that work? The point is who said all those adjectives? Very funny, Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Controversy

Correct reference 30, The Insider one Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
In fact, after seeing that Jean's version of "If I Were a Boy --> remove "seeing that" Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Link Roger Friedman in the article and reference Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You are using either BC Jen or B.C. Jean, both being incorrect. We use just the surname. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 08:54, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

If I Were a Boy" was generally well received by music critics who praised Knowles' tormented performance, emotional and passionate vocals and called the song her best work yet --> Not again, replace with If I Were a Boy" was generally well received by music critics who praised Knowles' banshee like voice, haglike and hateful vocals and called the song her best throaway yet. LMAO ,Please explain, should i really write that, i mean it seems like i am downgrading Beyonce?

This is just a line to summarise what critics generally told. I meean i saw it on other articles.Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:09, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- Lol, Jivesh, obviously Im joking. You just need to rephrase the line or source each and every adjective. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 10:38, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

O.K, i have shortened the line. I didn't source it because it is sourced just a few lines later. Jivesh boodhun (talk) 11:04, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

' which she recorded as a for the soundtrack to the 2006 musical film Dreamgirls. --> Unnecessary Jivesh boodhun (talk) 11:04, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Bill Lamb of About.com initially stated on the album review "If I Were a Boy" was --> Bill Lamb of About.com initially stated on the album review that "If I Were a Boy" was Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:23, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
When you mention song names within someone's quotes, write them with single quotes. For eg this is wrong --> Sal Cinquemani said that the song is "one part "Irreplaceable", one part "Big Girls Don't Cry", .... This is right --> Sal Cinquemani said that the song is "one part 'Irreplaceable', one part 'Big Girls Don't Cry', Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:23, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Live performances

Move the section after music video as per correct song structures. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:23, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Please add atleast some description of the performances. At present the section appears like a list. Fixed Jivesh boodhun (talk) 10:23, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: Why was the Reba McEntire version moved to the bottom? It looks separate from sitting there, whereas covers are as much a part of the main body of the article as the main song. And please remove that single chart for the cover version. The prose alone is sufficient. We can imagine how the chart table looks like. :) — Legolas ^(talk2me) 18:27, 26 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Actually, Adabow did that. Fixed Jivesh • Talk2Me 19:00, 26 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: You still havent removed the alternate image. I did explain to you that how it fails WP:NFCC#8 didn't I? — Legolas ^(talk2me) 05:39, 27 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Removed Jivesh • Talk2Me 05:50, 27 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for doing the changes promptly Jivesh, because I have placed the article as GA. Congrats. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 05:58, 27 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]