Talk:Jason McElwain/GA1
GA Review[edit]
This is pretty good overall. I went and fixed most copyedit issues, though double check to make sure I didn't miss any. However, here are some things I'd fix:
- "...but began to develop social skills as he progressed to a higher age." This statement just sounds wrong. Maybe "as he grew older" or something along those lines?
- The reaction section has a lot of paragraphs beginning with dates. Fix this so it doesn't feel proselineish.
- McElwain "had a tear in my eye." Um.. maybe "had a tear in [his] eye." would be better?
- Restructure wherever there's one sentence paragraphs. Can't have those.
Otherwise, this seems good. Shouldn't take more than a week to fix this little bit. Wizardman 20:07, 1 October 2008 (UTC)