Talk:Jeff "Swampy" Marsh/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: —97198 (talk) 13:08, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article's looking pretty good right now, but there are still a few small things that need to be sorted out before it can be promoted:

where he was enticed with a heavily blended family dynamic - doesn't make sense because we haven't been given any context yet, i.e. we don't know what it enticed him to do - should be reworded

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

...before moving to England- should mention what year (or so) he moved to give reader some context

Done I put 1996, as that's when Rocko ended. The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

As above, give a year for when Phineas & Ferb started

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

As Marsh recalls, "[He would] sing into fake microphones and create full rock bands with [his] friends and family. - quotation left unclosed, also reads more smoothly as "As Marsh recalls, he would 'sing into...'"

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Marsh equipped several books about art, architecture design - doesn't make sense because the verb "to equip" is used with a subject and object, as in "person A equipped person B [with something]" so if anything, you'd say "Marsh equipped himself with..." but that still doesn't make much sense - could choose a better word

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

a pitch for Phineas and Ferb had gone somewhat successful and The Walt Disney Company had show - "gone successful" should be reworded, "show" should be "shown"

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ref #23 is a dead link (both the original webpage and the archived one)

Done (new archive found) The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

neither nominee received the award due to a technicality - what was the technicality? If unspecified, maybe write "due to an unspecified technicality" for clarification

Done The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Apart from just the lead (mentioned above), the whole article is missing a lot of dates that give readers a general idea of when different things took place - things such as when he started on The Simpsons, King of the Hill, move to England, and the premiere of Phineas & Ferb all need dates

The thing is, none of that info is available. He was one of the earliest artists on King of the Hill, so that means he'd probably have started in 1997, and he started on Simpsons in season 2, so it had to be around 1990. These are just approximates, though; will they work? The Flash ^{talk} 17:34, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Estimates should be fine, considering it's not controversial information. Can you add them in? —97198 (talk) 06:50, 20 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done The Flash ^{talk} 14:50, 20 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, well done so far. I'll put the article on hold so you'll have seven days to address the above issues. —97198 (talk) 13:08, 19 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All the changes look fine, except that ref #23 is still dead. —97198 (talk) 00:15, 21 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done Found a new archive at AllBusiness.com. The Flash ^{talk} 04:01, 21 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Great! I'll promote the article. :) —97198 (talk) 05:29, 21 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a bunch for the review! Now I can get this and other GAs like it up for GT. :) The Flash ^{talk} 17:42, 21 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]