Talk:Joginder Singh (soldier)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 02:15, 31 December 2017 (UTC)
I will review this one. Initial comments to follow. Zawed (talk) 02:15, 31 December 2017 (UTC)
Infobox
- add place of death?
- Unit in full: 1st Battalion, Sikh Regiment
Lead
- "Singh was recruited into...": This doesn't read quite right; it would be appropriate if the army actively solicited Singh, i.e. made him an offer, for the army. I'm assuming this was not the case, and he "volunteered" or "joined" the army. Could a soldier volunteer for a specific unit? If not, then it may need clarifying that he was posted to the 1st Battalion. This comment also applies to the first sentence after the "Military career" heading.
- "First Battalion": should be "1st Battalion".
Early life
- "He was motivated to join the Army, on feeling...": doesn't read quite right. I suggest: "He decided to join the Army, considering that it..."
- "Army": "army" (or better yet, "British Indian Army")
Military career
- "Singh was recruited in to...": rephrase, suggest: On joining the British Indian Army, Singh was posted to the 1st Battalion, Sikh Regiment, on..."
- End of the first sentence: reverse the order of the refs (at the moment [3] is before [1]).
- Note 4 appears to be for the wrong page number
- Probably needs a one-liner about staying in the army post-independence.
- Is it really necessary? That is evident. Also none of the sources specifically mention this. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 10:52, 31 December 2017 (UTC)
Sino-Indo war
- This paragraph needs more context at its beginning. Suggest: "There had long been disagreement between India and China over disputed borders in the Himalaya region." This will then flow better into the current first sentence.
- This paragraph probably could be condensed; while some context is useful to explain why Singh was there, there is too much irrelevant detail.
Battle at Bumla
- 7th Infantry Brigade: if Singh's battalion was part of this, then mention it.
- ", weak communication lines etc." the use of etc is un-encyclopedic. Rephrase to "inadequate ammunition and weak communication lines."
- "The post was under the command of Subedar Joginder Singh...": rephrase to "The post was under the command of Singh, now a subedar,..." (and link subedar).
- "...the survivors are only...": rephrase to "...the survivors were only..."
- The last paragraph of this section uses emotive, i.e. non-encyclopedic, language. Eg "unmindful of their safety" and could be tightened up. Also "he single-handedly killed fifty enemy soldiers"; 50 soldiers does not seem credible despite what the source says. I suggest "several" instead.
Param Vir Chakam
- The first sentence does not need to recite Singh's full name and rank. Also emotive language: desperately, last moments
- The citation for the PVC should be cited consistently with the remainder of the article, i.e. harvard style.
- "The urn was later brought to the Sikh Regimental Centre at Meerut and was eventually handed over to his wife." Also should "Centre" be headquarters?
Other honours
- "IB ridge": I assume this is a specific place? If so, then ridge should be "Ridge".
References
- Notes 3, 11 and 12 appear to be links to news articles. The presentation of each is a little inconsistent, eg dates of publication. Also no need to mention "Limited" (for note 3).
- Note 11 is a web source, corrected the rest. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 10:52, 31 December 2017 (UTC)
Other stuff
- Image appears to have appropriate fair-use rationale
- Dupe links: Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru
That's all for now. Cheers., Zawed (talk) 03:07, 31 December 2017 (UTC)
- @Zawed: Thanks for the review. I have made the changes as required. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 10:52, 31 December 2017 (UTC)