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User:Onel5969 has declined submission with the rationale "npov - Submission is not written in a formal, neutral encyclopedic tone". The rationale does not make much sense to me here: The point of WP:NPOV is to for articles to avoid taking sides in a dispute.
"Tone" only is a means to an end. Focusing on the tone as an end in itself is counterproductive, inducing unwieldy changes, such as "[he] heard Duke Ellington play [...] and fell in love with jazz [+ reference to him claiming that]" → "he claimed that this was the moment in which he fell in love ...". Nothing in the original version is disputed; it is general knowledge that such a statement is naturally based on the person's on statement. Since there is no concrete concern about any POV issues, the request should be granted. This is actually a nice article already as it is. — Sebastian 18:43, 10 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi - The article has been edited since it was declined, and the tone has been damped down some. However, to me it still reads like an homage to the man, rather than an article about him. At least one other editor has looked at (see Wikipedia:Teahouse/Questions#Help editing a draft for John Garcia Gensel), and felt that there was still an issue with the tone prior to the final two small tweaks. But I'll let other editors take a look and see if they feel it should be moved to the mainspace. While you are correct in the emphasis behind wp:npov, that is only the canned edit summary from the AfC editing program. The actual notice in the draft leads you to the section WP:TONE in the writing better articles essay, which is where I wanted to direct the editor. Onel5969TT me 12:10, 11 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I have made several edits to try and improve this article based on questions I have submitted in multiple places. I tried to adhere to everything that was suggested to me and repeatedly asked if there were specific issues that need attention- rather than general claims that the article could be improved. I agree that there is room for improvement but believe that this is a reasonable start. Without specific help I feel that my hands are tied. Part of having something accepted, is that it always many people to improve it over time. I will be resubmitting again, if there are specific comments I would love to hear them and will edit accordingly. בילי (talk) 16:24, 11 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
