Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review[edit]

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

I will take this on later today. --K. Peake 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead[edit]

  • Infobox looks good!
  • Wikilink jazz
  • "during their first tour" → "during Tolliver and Music Inc.'s first tour"
  • "Truth" being among the original compositions is not directly sourced anywhere in the body
    • The track listing credits its composer as Tolliver, making it an original composition. isento (talk) 01:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The release year of "Round Midnight" is not notable for the lead
  • "about a year later on" → "about a year after the show on" since the year has not been specified since the first para
  • Target independent label to Independent record label
  • Target CD to Compact disc
  • "from that same period." → "from that same period, titled Mosaic Select."
  • "particularly their innovative" → "They particularly highlighted their innovative" because the sentence is a run-on at the moment
  • "although some questioned" → "although some critics questioned"

Background[edit]

  • "was dominated by the twin progressive movements" → "was dominated by the twin movements" since the progressive part is not properly sourced
  • "among hard-bop peers," → "among hard bop peers," for consistency
  • Target musical ideas to Motif (music)
  • "an independent record label, Strata-East Records (in New York City), with" → "the independent record label Strata-East Records (in New York City) with" but where is the NYC part sourced?
    • The New York City Record prefaces his returning to New York before discussing further developments like forming the label. I will keep as is to avoid WP:BLUELINK, and neither is grammatically incorrect. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • You are not supposed to add commas before things like this in the body unlike the lead, plus in this context "the" reads better and the second comma renders useless. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • According to this grammar guide, commas can be used to separate a noun from a non-restrictive phrase describing that noun. I have reworded it to "... found Strata-East Records, a New York-based independent record label, ..." isento (talk) 06:41, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yeah this version is fine, good job! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "embarked on their first tour of Japan" part is not sourced and the liner notes probably do not mention it as being their first tour in the country; correct me if I'm wrong
    • The liner notes do verify this. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Recording and performance[edit]

  • Reword the img text to being something of relevance, rather just mentioning it being a pic of Cowell
  • "led the quartet featuring" → "led the quartet, featuring"
  • "A 30-second sample with" → "A 30-second sample of "Effi", with" on the audio sample text
  • You still need to add the song title on the audio sample's text. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might be me getting confused by re-wording, but does the AllMusic ref really mention everything cited for the first sentence of the second para?
    • Yes. "the Tokyo gig kicks from top to bottom ... full-tilt post-bop on Tolliver's 'Drought' that opens the set is a great example. 'Stretch,' ... full-on swinging mode." isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      • "kick[ing] from top to bottom", "full-tilt", and "full-on swinging mode" indicate the album is thoroughly uptempo, with the first two songs in particular. isento (talk) 02:16, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and intensely-toned solo" → "and heavily-toned solo" or something similar, to be more encyclopaedic
    • The source uses "intense, parched tone". So the paraphrasing is accurate here. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • That is a review source though, so you should change to make the POV more neutral since "intensely" sounds like it indicates praise. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have changed it to "sharp-toned", which has a similar connotation and is used in other scholarly sources on jazz. isento (talk) 06:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Nice one, that is neutral and reads a lot better for sure! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that led the quartet into" → "that led Music Inc. into"
  • Wikilink should be on block chords instead
  • [9] should not be at the end of the penultimate sentence, as it backs up both of the last two in this para
  • Wikiink time signature
  • The fills part does not appear to be sourced
    • "Runs" is another word for "fills", in the context of jazz. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you for informing me, never knew that before. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Music Inc. performed" → "Music Inc. performed a cover version of" but it is not directly mentioned as an encore anywhere
    • Jurek suggests this, but I have added the Cook & Morton source, which says "encore", to the citation. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Release and reception[edit]

  • Can you find a mention of any release date for the LP in Japan even if vague?
    • No. Not among reliable sources. There is a primary source in the LP packaging images at Discogs, but it does not even have a copyright year. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Attribute the Billboard review to Anon
    • "Anon." is a shorthand for "anonymous". It is not the reviewer's in-source title. isento (talk)
  • Mention the staff as reviewing the album then, as it is awkward to write that a publication itself was the reviewer. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • That would be no less incorrect, as staff means all the employees. The current phrasing also appears in high-quality music sources ([[1], [2]). Other variations appear as well ([3], [4]). isento (talk) 06:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • These are not on an encyclopaedia, though; I have added "a writer" here because we do not know their real identity. --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The magazine praised the trumpeter's" → "Anon praised the trumpeter's"
  • Target Down Beat to DownBeat
  • "finding it "good" yet" → "finding it "good", yet"
  • "(and Cowell too) ..." → "(and Cowell too) [...]" since that is how you correctly use ellipsis to indicate a period taken out of the quote
  • Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
  • Target CD to Compact disc
  • "as a player" as his performance" → "as a player", as his performance"
  • "was singled out for" → "was singled out by them for"
    • I used "by the guide", as the entry's individual author is unknown or unclear. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Img looks good!
  • "reviewed the Mosaic box set" → "reviewed the box set"
  • Target Cafe Bohemia to Café Bohemia
  • Target Five Spot to Five Spot Café
  • "from the Village Vanguard."" → "from the Village Vanguard"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • "of the quartet's performances" → "of Music Inc.'s performances"
  • ""'Round Midnight". But he ultimately found" → ""'Round Midnight", but ultimately found" because the former sentence is too short and it is also awkward to start a sentence with the word "but"
    • Writing guides such as this one approve of starting sentences with the word "but". And in this case, this separates the critic's positive idea in one sentence and a negative in the other, while avoiding a run-on. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Track listing[edit]

  • Shouldn't the top line specify that they are all written by him except where noted?

Personnel[edit]

  • Good

Notes[edit]

  • Good

References[edit]

Bibliography[edit]

  • Are you sure Anon is an author for as many of the sources as currently listed?
    • The shorthand indicates no credited author for the source and is used merely as a placeholder for the function of citation-style consistency. isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
  • Cite AllMusic as publisher instead and only wikilink on the first instance
  • Target Down Beat to DownBeat

Further reading[edit]

  • Good

External links[edit]

  • Good

Final comments and verdict[edit]

  •  On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you. I have made the requisite changes and responded above otherwise. isento (talk) 02:14, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Isento Nice to see you having replied so quickly; there are still a few more things that need fixing and I pointed them out above. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Isento Very good responses the second time round too, always a pleasure to see this. ✓ Pass now and this review has seen your best response yet, truth be told! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Live_in_Tokyo_(Charles_Tolliver_album)/GA1&oldid=1007661961"