Talk:Mary Elizabeth Sharpe

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	This article was accepted from this draft on 21 September 2019 by reviewer MurielMary (talk · contribs).

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Timothy Mallory's Peer Review.[edit]

 Your lead should be before contents' box, so you have to take off the heading "Mary Elizabeth Sharpe". Now if the paragraph under the "Mary Elizabeth Sharpe" is your lead, then maybe you should shorten it a little bit. Only hit the key major points, and bring in the smaller details in another section.

 On the other hand, if "Mary Elizabeth Sharpe" is your section which is meant to be about her life, after Early Life, then you should move that paragraph underneath "Early Life". Next, make a lead above "Early Life", two to three sentences hitting the key points of your article.
 
 In "Early Life", since the first two sentences are from the same source, instead of referencing the same source after both sentences, just cite it once after the second sentence. 
 Editing this sentence - "candy" not "candies"
 "At age 13, after selling candies to friends and townspeople, the knowledge of Sharpe's candies spread throughout the city as "Mary Elizabeth's Candies"
 Maybe rewrite that sentence as "At age of 13, after selling candy around town, Sharpe became know as "Mary Elizabeth's Candies".
 
 World War I
 I do not know how to fix the last three sentences, but "During this time, Sharpe wrote two books" seems wrong. Maybe you can try to combined these three sentences without creating a run on.
 Tmallory3 (talk) 18:07, 11 July 2019 (UTC)Timothy Mallory
 
 Post-War 
 "After the war, Sharpe returned home to her businesses,..."[reply]

Kevin Dai's peer review[edit]

The lead is a good summary of the life and achievements of Mary Sharpe. Contained all the important information of the main text.

The structure is clear, following the chronological order of Mary Sharpe's life.

The length of each section is balanced, based on the importance of each.

The content is neutral, I can't guess the perspective, and there are no extremely positive or negative ideas.

Checked the citations, they are all reliable sources.

I did not find any spelling or grammer errors

Haochendai (talk) 18:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]