Talk:Mercedes-Benz CLR/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 07:00, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this one in the next few days. Zawed (talk) 07:00, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Just a heads up, I am away from home until late on the 25th, so my ability to address issues until then will be limited. The³5₉ (Talk) 18:11, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Images appear to have appropriate tags.
There are several duplicate links that need attention: FIA GT Championship, V8 engine, Nissan, Audi, pole position, Team Oreca
External links check OK, although three are redirects.
No Dab links (no actoon required).
References: Although I can't see where it has been cited, the "A Star is Born" video needs year of production. It may pay check the MOS for presentation of audiovisual references (I'm not familiar with them).
For the Spurring ref, title case should be used.

More to come. Zawed (talk) 02:05, 25 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed the duplicate links.
I fixed the Road & Track external link, but I have not found the other two that redirect. I think one may be the AMG Story link, but I'm not sure how to direct it to one element of a flash presentation that specifically covers my citation.

OK, I figured out the remaining two. Simply old links to waybackmachine.org instead of the newer archive.org. Fixed. The³5₉ (Talk) 21:30, 26 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I don't have a year of production for the video. The only copy I've seen only lists the producer, and it is not directly obtained through Mercedes-Benz. I can safely assume it is from 1997 since it covers the development of the car and the first race of the 1997 season, but nothing on the video specifically states a production date.
Spurring reference title corrected. The³5₉ (Talk) 20:59, 26 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on prose The prose could be tightened up a little. Some things to consider:

The background covers off a lot of topics so could be a bit more focused. In particular, the reference to F1 and Indycars in the first sentence is probably not necessary. It could probably just read: "In 1996 Mercedes-Benz's motorsports programs included support for cars..."
"Following the collapse of the ITCC at the end of the 1996 season, Mercedes' third program...": Perhaps try "Following the collapse of the ITCC at the end of the 1996 season, Mercedes' attention ~~third program~~ shifted to a new international series set up by the Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile' and known as the FIA GT Championship. AMG were tasked with developing a design to meet the regulations of this new racing series."
"to be more adept to...": adept doesn't seem right here. How about suitable?
"with their existing cars": to make it more precise, I suggest "with their existing CLK LM cars"
"which in 1998 was created": which was created in 1998
AMG before becoming divested when AMG: AMG repeated in close succession; this should be avoided.
"the specialists Fondmetal Technologies": specialists in what?
"Mercedes announced their CLR program to the world": to the world seems a little showy, suggest deleting.
"Norisring street circuit in Nuremberg, Germany": the wikilink needs to be edited so that Germany is not linked. You haven't linked other countries and furthermore, it is not the first usage for Germany.

More comments to follow. Zawed (talk) 08:49, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed these issues. The³5₉ (Talk) 16:10, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Continuing review (sorry it is taking so long), beginning with 1999 season section.

"At the April debut the team...": the reference to April debut was a little out of left field until I realised it was referring to the testing session in Germany. You should rephrase this to make the correlation between the two statements clearer.
"...although the team was entered under the AMG-Mercedes title.": Suggest rephrasing to "although the team was officially known as AMG-Mercedes."
"... sports cars. 1998...": starting sentences with a number should be avoided. Applies to following sentence as well.

Le Man section

"The pre-qualifying session, held in May, took...": already mentioned (in prev section) prequal was in May.
"...category in 1999 ...": for 1999?
"...while No. 4 and No. 5...": while Nos. 4 and 5...?
"...CLR No. 4 driven by Webber was...": suggest rephrasing to ...Webber, driving CLR No. 4, was...
I've notice some inconsistencies in how the cars are named and referred through this section, e.g. Mercedes No.4, No.4 Mercedes
"...and a sacrifice of...": suggest ...but sacrificing...
the wikilink for pitstop needs to be moved to its first usage
"relinquishing the position to the pair of BMWs": Should mention Bouchet here otherwise you have a pair (two cars) taking over second place from Schneider
", despite some problems dealing with the car's new aerodynamics in the beginning of the race, they had been dealt with by the end of his stint and that the CLR was running well": suggest rephrasing to "..despite some initial problems dealing with the car's new aerodynamics, it was running well by the end of his stint."
"On the 76th lap of the race": suggest: On lap 76...to avoid the repetition of the term "of the race"
"clearing a marshals post": shouldn't there be a possessive?
"Toyota cancelled their program...": cancelled its program. You may want to check for other instances where "their" should be "its"
"Following the damage to three CLRs during ...": was it three CLRs or two? No. 4 was rebuilt so still the same car?

Whoops have since seen note b - suggest moving it here as I think it is more relevant at this point in the article than its current position

"... Bernd Schneider CLR No. 6...": needs a comma here.
"Modena Track Days": Days?
"accident as fourth": suggest "accident as the fourth"
Note a needs a conversion to pounds for 914kg and 925kg
One last thing, I feel the quote in the Speedvision Video reference should action be moved to note 35.

That is it, will check back in a few days. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 07:22, 5 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Zawed: I believe I have now addressed everything listed here. For clarification, I used marshals post simply to imply plural marshals since they are never manned alone, but for clarity I have changed it to marshaling post. I have also rewritten the mention of three damaged CLRs to simply state the damage to No. 4 and No. 5. What defines a race car as a singular entity in some circles is based on its monocoque, so having three damaged monocoques implies three cars, despite two of those monocoques being the same entry in the race. I believe I have simplified things and the footnote about the three monocoques would be more appropriate where it currently is, where the change in monocoque is mentioned. Finally, Modena Trackdays is the name of the company who hosted the event, although I have corrected it by taking out the space in the title. The³5₉ (Talk) 09:43, 6 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

OK, looks good, I am passing as GA. Good work. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 07:01, 9 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]