Talk:Mihran Kassabian/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 15:35, 20 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Happy to review the article.

Review[edit]

Lead section/Infobox[edit]

  • Done. I'm sorry I caused so many problems with my failure to link. I generally don't repeat wikilinks after they appear in the lead, but I may be interpreting MOS:DL too narrowly. The same goes for acronyms/initialisms. In any case, I'm sorry to create extra work for you.
No worries. Links usually appear in both the lead and then the main text (once only, apart from in captions and tables), but the rule isn't fixed. AM
  • I'm not sure native is right, as it is a word that can misinterpreted by readers.
  • Changed this from "A native of Kayseri" to "Born in Kayseri"
  • In what way did he serve the U.S.?
  • Please provide the period he served in during the Spanish–American War.
  • Looking for specifics on this.
  • See the comment in the next section about his return to Philadelphia. I wasn't able to hone in one specific dates, but it's probably safe to say he was there for a few months, if we wanted to.
  • Imo serious is redundant.
  • Removed that term.

1 Early life[edit]

  • Link Kayseri; theology; medicine; missionary; photography; Medico-Chirurgical College of Philadelphia; X-rays.
  • Done.
  • For what reason was he "with almost constant danger of earthquake or massacre"?
  • Still looking into this. I have found a couple of sources that mention it that way without elaborating. I assume he just lived in an earthquake-prone area, but I am not very familiar with this part of the world and don't know what the massacre refers to yet.
  • I added some information about this region of Asia Minor being earthquake-prone and situated on fault lines, and I also found information about hundreds of thousands of Armenians being killed in the Ottoman Empire starting when Kassabian would have been a young teen.
  • By the time of the Spanish–American War - year needed.
  • Added "in 1898"
  • Kassabian returned to Philadelphia – is a date known for his return?
  • Still looking.
  • I just can't find any explicit mention of his departure and return dates. I thought I had a source that said he went to Spain in April 1898, but I can't find it anywhere. Instead, I added what we can support confidently: He left in the spring of 1898 and was discharged when the war ended. The conflict was so brief that before 1898 was over, he had returned to Philadelphia and been awarded his medical degree.
  • Who was Wilhelm Röntgen?
  • Added that he was a German physicist and engineer

2.1 Medico-Chirurgical College of Philadelphia[edit]

  • Link electrotherapeutics; operating theater.
  • Done.
  • skiagraphy does not have italics.
  • No problem. Done.
  • The problem for Kassabian was – I’m not clear why it was a problem for him, could this be made clearer in the text?
  • Skiagraphy was not thought to carry as much legitimacy as other areas of study for physicians. I redid this passage to explain why Kassabian combined his work in skiagraphy with work in electrotherapeutics. Let me know if you have other suggestions.
Fine now. AM
  • What is a 'static image' (as opposed to an image)?
  • Most patients underwent fluoroscopic exams (which produced moving, real-time views of the body part under investigation). A smaller number had their X-ray films developed, producing a single permanent, non-moving record of the body part. The cited source doesn't explain this quite as explicitly, but I reworded it without the word static. I'm not sure it's great yet. Let me know if you have suggestions.
Looks good. AM

2.2 Philadelphia General Hospital[edit]

  • Link American Medical Association.
  • Done.
  • was taking over for – needs copy editing.
  • Reworded this to avoid that phrase entirely.
  • the body's rotundity – but the ribs are X rayed, not the body. How can the whole body be shown in an image?
  • That's a good point. I removed the part about the body's rotundity and just talked about the shape of the ribs.
  • a contrast agent, bismuth subnitrate – the purpose of the agent needs to be explained here, as it cannot be assumed readers will understand.
  • Gave a brief explanation. Let me know if you have suggestions.
Looks fine now, also I've copy edited the section a little. AM

2.3 Influence[edit]

  • Done. I thought about linking pastor initially, but I held off because I thought it might be considered a common occupation (MOS:OL). I have linked it now.
  • Changed to "used"
  • various (in various uses) is redundant.
  • Removed.
  • Consider replacing twelve patients with ‘12 patients’. Ditto twelve lawsuits in the next section.
  • Done.
  • ARRS should read 'American Roentgen Ray Society (ARRS)' and be linked, as in the lead section.
  • Done.
  • It might not be clear to readers what elucidating medical findings means. Could an explanation be given?
  • Reworked this a bit. Let me know if it helped.
Thanks. AM

3 Radiation-related injuries[edit]

  • Done.
  • X-ray as an irritant should be in italics.
  • Thanks. I was thinking that journal articles were considered minor works (punctuated with quotation marks) and that the actual journal would be the major work requiring italics, but I have fixed this now.
  • The doctor – is this Kassabian or someone else?
  • Specified that it is Kassabian.

4 Death[edit]

  • Unlink Thomas Edison (duplicated link).
  • Done.
  • Kassabian had married Virginia Giragosian, who was from Constantinople, in that city about 18 months before his death. The sentence needs to be rewritten to improve the prose.
  • Shortened this sentence a bit.
Fine now. AM
  • Consider amending sixteen to ‘16’.
  • Done.
  • The second paragraph is not about Kassabian’s death, but the deaths of others. I would put it as a note in the Footnotes section.
Done.

6 Citations[edit]

  • The references in this section need to be checked to ensure they are formatted in the same way, preferably using the appropriate templates ({{cite book}}, etc. Things I spotted that need to be sorted: Journal references need to have ISSN numbers; dates need to be in brackets; the book listed in the References section needs to be set out in the Citations section; ISBN numbers need to have the same format; OCLC numbers are needed if no ISBN numbers are available; and url links should be removed if no preview or full text is available to be read.
  • My next task is to go through these and ensure consistency.
  • I think the references should be in better shape now. I included ISSNs except for those journals that appear to have folded before the advent of ISSNs. Dates are in brackets except for those in citations with no author, such as some of the obituary notices. For the book referenced in the references section, I used short citations in the format described at WP:SFN (or at least as I understand it). I think I now have the ISBNs in the same format, and I removed a URL that didn't lead to a preview or full text.
  • Link Howard Atwood Kelly; Charles Karsner Mills.
  • Done.
  • Ref 1 (Electric World), replace the Google Books link (which has no preview) with this link from the Internet Archive, which has the full text of the obituary.
  • Done.
  • Arthur B. Reeve is possibly the author in Ref 17 (Reeve). He can be linked if he is.
  • I agree that this is possible; the timelines check out, assuming he wrote for this publication just before starting his other work. I'll keep looking for a mention of him in connection with this publication.
  • I linked Reeve because we know he was a journalist before writing mysteries, and the timeline lines up, so it makes the most sense that it would be the same person.
  • Ref 4 has a month, and Ref 5 does not (same publication).
  • Done.
  • Ref 20 (Hughes) – replace current url with this from the Internet Archive.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.

On hold[edit]

I'm putting the article on hold for 2 weeks until 8 May to allow time for the above comments to be addressed. I'm taking a small wikibreak from Monday, but will be back after a week. Amitchell125 (talk) 10:08, 25 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the work done so far, Larry Hockett. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:27, 26 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I appreciate the thought you've put into this review. I found some additional information related to some of the feedback above, so I updated my comments under those bullets. I think I have addressed each item as best I can. Let me know what you think, at your convenience, once you return from the wikibreak. There is certainly no hurry on my end. Thanks again! Larry Hockett (Talk) 07:26, 28 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Passing[edit]

I tweaked the references a bit, but it's easily now GA level. Passing now, great work, Amitchell125 (talk) 11:06, 5 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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