Talk:Monique Ryan/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Passed. JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 06:54, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: JML1148 (talk · contribs) 03:18, 5 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for improving the article! Review will come soon. JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 03:18, 5 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Overall, fantastic work, particularly with the writing style. However, the article is lacking detail in some areas, which will need to be fixed before this is made a GA.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (inline citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
See comments below.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
See comments below.

Feedback[edit]

Some references without authors, including refs 10, 12, and 45.
- Fixed, Reference 10 is wired via the AP so it doesn't have an author.
Her medical career needs to be expanded upon. Ryan seems to have been a fairly prominent doctor but there's almost no information about her medical career.
Ryan, like all teals, ran a very grassroots-focused campaign, yet this isn't well-explained.
Climate 200 is mentioned once, in the lede. There should be at least two sentences about them and the amount of money they gave Ryan.
Does 'teal independent' need quotation marks in every appearance it makes in the article? It's a rather common word to use now.
Quotation marks on 'moderate' could be read as scarequoting; on my first readthrough of the article, I thought so.
'principal investigator' feels like jargon. Any more accessible word to use here?
Almost mention about anti-corruption policies, which was a big part of Ryan's campaign.
I really don't like how the 'See Also' template is sitting in the middle of a section. Can we split that into a subsection so that it looks better?
- Agree, split it into its own section.
First two sentences in "Member of Parliament" section should be in the above section.
Stage three tax cuts need to be explained. Also does it need to be capitalized?
The last paragraph of the "Member of Parliament" section is a mess of completely different policies that ideally should be separated to make more sense.
When the Israel-Palestine conflict is removed, the "Political Views" section is rather short. Can we expand this with more policy positions?

Overall, the article just needs some extensions and minor changes to reach GA status. Usually a source check would be needed at this stage of the process, but I will wait until the extensions are complete. JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 03:47, 5 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your comments! I shall get to work on them. GraziePrego (talk) 06:30, 5 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@GraziePrego: A gentle reminder - if after 7 days, there haven't been substantial improvements to the article, the GAN will be failed. It's already been nearly 3 days with no improvements to the article. JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 23:21, 7 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the reminder- I have just set up this morning to start work on this :) When I complete a comment, I'll italicise it. GraziePrego (talk) 23:34, 7 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Courtesy ping of @JML1148 - I have finished going through your comments, thank you very much. Please let me know if you have any questions and what further changes you think need to be made. GraziePrego (talk) 01:59, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@GraziePrego: Thanks for the improvements. Some more stuff below:

I prefer the 'Selected publications' section at the bottom of the page, where it originally was. I was going to move it myself but I was wondering if there was a specific reason you moved it further up?
Between January and March of 2022, Ryan's campaign spent $86,700 AUD on advertisements... Doesn't comply with MOS:MONEY. Should appear as 'A$86,700', with any other examples of 'AUD' being removed.
a pub in Kew junction Shouldn't this be 'at Kew Junction'?
Volunteer manager of the campaign was Rob Baillieu, son of former Victorian premier Ted Baillieu, who campaigned for Frydenberg. I have two issues with this. First, it should read as, 'The volunteer manager of Ryan's campaign', rather than the existing phrase. Second, the sentence could be read as Rob Baillieu campaigning for Frydenberg, which is obviously contradictory. Should ideally be split into two sentences.
knocked on the door of every single residence could be replaced with the more direct and much less wordy "canvassed every household".

Source spot-check[edit]

Source 4 - her mother was a charity worker who served as CEO of the Christian Brothers Foundation, and founded Women for Women in Africa, a charity supporting the Kibera slum in Kenya. This claim appears to apply to Marguerite Ryan, but neither of the sources linked to the statement confirm that Marguerite is Monique Ryan's mother.
Source 7 - Where does 'in 2014' come from?
Source 13 - Verifies.
Source 16 - Verifies.
Source 21 - Verifies.
Source 27 - Verifies.
Source 31 - Verifies.
Source 34 - Verifies.
Source 37 - Verifies.
Source 43 - Verifies.
Source 49 - Verifies.
Source 52 - Verifies.
Source 55 - Verifies.
Source 59 - Verifies.
Source 62 - Verifies.
Source 66 - Verifies.

JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 02:40, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@JML1148 Thank you very much for your additional comments. I've removed the statements about Ryan's parents because sadly I couldn't find anything supporting them. 2014 was a great pickup from you- I found a copy of Ryan's CV as part of the Folbigg inquiry, which clarifies that she became director in 2015. I also agree with the placement of Selected Publications that you suggested, and popped it at the bottom. All comments are finished, if you have any more changes then please let me know :) GraziePrego (talk) 05:54, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@GraziePrego: Happy to pass this, then. Thank you for your work. JML1148 ^{(talk | contribs)} 06:53, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.