Talk:Murder of Logan Mwangi

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Murder of Logan Mwangi was nominated as a Social sciences and society good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (August 28, 2022). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated.

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Lead section clean-up[edit]

I have tagged the lead section of this article as possibly needing a rewrite because the opening paragraph(s) should succinctly summarize the article. The first sentence should briefly explain why the event being covered is notable. Unlike a newspaper article, the lead should not tease the reader for them to read on, rather it should inform the reader enough for them to decide whether to read the full article, or not. - Cameron Dewe (talk) 09:50, 5 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review[edit]

This review is transcluded from Talk:Murder of Logan Mwangi/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Steelkamp (talk · contribs) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. I will be reviewing this article over the coming days. Steelkamp (talk) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Good article criteria[edit]

Well written[edit]

I'm not going to quickfail you for this as it should be easy to fix, but the user on the talk page is correct: the lead does need to be rewritten. In addition to what that user mentioned, the lead starts out as if the article is titled Logan Mwangi, as opposed to Murder of Logan Mwangi. The convictions of the murderers should also be mentioned in the lead. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Lead mentions Cole in particular was bigoted about Logan's ethnicity, but his ethnicity is not mentioned in the lead. The body of the article mentions he was mixed race, but does not say which particular races. You could solve this by mentioning the ethnicities of each of Logan's parents. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I think that Template:Infobox event would work better than the current infobox. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) There were only minor problems with the rest of the article's prose, which I fixed myself. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Sarn is only mentioned in the lead, not the body. Steelkamp (talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The body could do with some more organisation, particularly the background section. An example of this is that Mulligan is discussed in detail in a paragraph below where Mulligan was first mentioned. Steelkamp (talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
but expressed a desire to kill Logan whose name he never used. It isn't clear to me what this means. Steelkamp (talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Verifiable with no original research[edit]

All the sources look reliable. I have yet to check for text–source integrity. Steelkamp (talk) 11:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Broad in its coverage[edit]

I think this article could do with significant expansion. The sections on the murder and the police investigation and trial should be expanded. These sources show things that should be added to the article: [1] [2] [3] That third link in particular contains lots of information missing from this article. Some specific things that come to mind are:

The suspects This has no detail on who the suspects are. The article does not state when they were arrested either. Steelkamp (talk) 11:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
What day did they receive their sentences? Steelkamp (talk) 11:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Are there any avenues for appeal. Have they indicated they will appeal? Steelkamp (talk) 11:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
indications that Williamson had been awake throughout the night the body was discarded. What specific indications were there? Steelkamp (talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Neutral[edit]

Stable[edit]

Illustrated, if possible[edit]

I recommend alt text for the image. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
We could do with an image of Logan under fair use. Steelkamp (talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

General[edit]

I'm going to place this review on hold for seven days whilst you fix the above issues. As there is some expansion that needs to happen, I will review the second criterion after you have expanded the article.

Thank you for the advice, I will work on the changes you suggested over the weekend.Llewee (talk) 23:18, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Steelkamp, I was wondering if you would be able to look at the article again. I've tried to address the issues you pointed out.--Llewee (talk) 15:11, 14 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I'll look at the article today. Steelkamp (talk) 04:50, 15 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Steelkamp, It's been almost two weeks now. Are you sure your able to commit the time to finish this?--Llewee (talk) 09:45, 27 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll look at it now. Steelkamp (talk) 13:38, 27 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, but I'm going to fail this review, mainly because the lead section is still not adequate. I know it says "the precise nature of the events leading up to the 5-year-old boy's death are difficult to ascertain", but the lead lacks detail and is disorganised. The lead also contains little information on the police investigation and trial. Feel free to renominate when those issues are fixed. Steelkamp (talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]