Talk:NASA Astronaut Group 7/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 11:02, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
Comments
- Lead is light for an article of this length.
- Project Apollo is overlinked in the lead.
- "The United States Air Force (USAF) " you already abbreviated this in the lead.
- Same with NASA.
- Cold War is overlinked.
- Link delta wing.
- " the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). NASA's" NASA. NASA is repetitive.
- "$53.8 million" inflate.
- "On 1961 the" in.
- "Secretary of Defense" doesn't like to the US variant, just generic.
- " the Manned Orbiting Laboratory (MOL). " already abbreviated in the lead.
- cancelled - isn't it one L for USEng?
- "astronauts for the X-15, " what's an X-15?
- added "rocket-powered aircraft"
- "on San Antonio, Texas," in.
- ". Left to Right: " Left to right:, and end it with a full stop. Apply to all.
- " School (ARPS)on " space.
- "to ATPS graduates" what's ATPS?
- "NASA astronauts groups", or "NASA astronaut groups"?
- MOL Program or MOL program?
- " for was MOL astronauts was" too many was.
- What's USN?
- What's USMC?
- "of these, who were" no need for a comma.
- "Five were selected.The names" space, but merge anyway. "Five were selected and their names..."
- These bullet lists don't need the semi-colons and the "and" at all.
- "had blown out significantly" not encyclopedic tone.
- "costed at $1.5 billion, the cost" cost cost repeat.
- "budget. Budget" repetitive.
- "The axe finally fell " colloquial. And would be ax.
- cancelled - one L again.
- "They flew to Houston" including Herres?
- " Deke Slayton. Slayton" Slayton Slayton repeat.
- "Mueller NASA's Deputy" comma before NASA.
- "although not as an astronaut" what as then?
- You have birth place but not death place?
- I see you have col scopes, good. Row scopes could be applied to the astronaut names. That'd be perfect.
- "ref" should be "Refs."
- " bachelor of science " vs " Master of Science " capitalisation, check throughout.
- "to flown" have.
- Link US Navy.
- Career notes use "he" extensively. Could mix it up with some surname references.
- In a sortable table, it's conventional to link everything that's linked on every instance as it's unclear, post-resorting, which instance will come first.
- DC, was D.C. above.
- Overmyer retirement year?
- Why is mechanical engineering worthy of linking?
- "of Space Shuttle program" the?
- "it was going to be a long wait ..." too narrative.
- " The first rung on the ladder " not eneyclopedic in tone.
- "support crew" is mentioned five times in three sentences. Mix it up a little without losing the meaning.
- " NASA Astronaut Group 5 " overlinked.
- "Ironically" too narrative.
- "pp. 101-102." en-dash, check all others.
- Several refs have NASA as author, I think it more likely that they're the publisher of the information.
That's my lot for a first pass. I'll put it on hold while we get these addressed. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 13:02, 14 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for your first pass on my comments. I'll hopefully have time to review them tomorrow. The overwhelming issue is the lead is too short. Cover each of the sections with a couple of sentences and you'll be there. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 22:14, 14 April 2020 (UTC)
- This is fine now. A really nice piece of work, so I'm promoting. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 14:29, 15 April 2020 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.