Talk:Rhea Seddon/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
Hello! I'll be reviewing this article to help reduce the good article nomination backlog and to gain points in the WP:WIKICUP. Although quid pro quo is not required, if you fancy returning the favor, I have a list of articles in need of review here. — GhostRiver 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
Infobox and lede[edit]
Early life and education[edit]
- "née Dann" should be in parentheses
- Unless her younger sister is dead, I don't think that should be in the past tense; if there's a year of birth, then could be phrased as "Her younger sister Louise was born TKTK"
- "Science was not taught by the nuns at St Rose until the Sputnik crisis made teaching science a national priority" → "The nuns at St Rose did not teach science until the Sputnik crisis made scientific education a national priority."
- "and science became one of Seddon's subjects in the seventh grade" → "and Seddon began studying the subject in the seventh grade."
- No comma needed after "Seddon worked in her office one summer"
- Deleted.
- "Another friend of the family, Florence Ridley, a professor" → "Florence Ridley, another fiend of the family and a professor"
- "where she joined the Sigma Kappa sorority"
- "summer after her freshman year"
- "and decided" → "where she decided"
- "bachelor of arts" → "Bachelor of Arts"
- "entered it" → "matriculated"
- "doctor of medicine" → "Doctor of Medicine"
- "surgery doctor" or "surgeon"?
- "three years of residency"
- "where she was the only woman"
- How did she serve in the ER if this wasn't allowed by the residency?
NASA[edit]
- I don't love this section just being called "NASA", can it be expanded to "NASA career"?
- Changed as suggested.
Selection[edit]
- "(NASA)
NASA" - "For the first time, women were encouraged to apply." → "It was the first time that women were encouraged to apply."
- It would make more sense for the inches to be rendered in centimeters than millimeters
- And to the point, something like "she was two inches above the 60-inch minimum" flows better and is easier to understand
- No comma after "She flew down to Houston International Airport"
- "in nutrition in surgery patients" → "in the nutrition of surgery patients"
- "had been selected by NASA."
Training[edit]
- "until they finished their training and evaluation"
- No comma after "trouble climbing into the aircraft"
- I think "and with ill-fitting parachutes" → "and with wearing parachutes"; we already know the fit will be poor because her size has been mentioned
- No comma after "but Seddon was never considered for this"
- First sentence of the second paragraph (about the town house) is very long and could probably be split in two
- Comma after "As with earlier astronaut groups"
- "to specialise in" → "in which they specialised"
the he first
?- The long parenthetical in the third paragraph might be better served as a footnote
- "got to choose" → "was allowed to choose"
- Commas instead of parentheses around "who retained her maiden name"
- Split sentence after "preparation for the upcoming STS-2 mission"
- "Seddon soon fell pregnant, and their first child, a boy they named Paul Seddon Gibson after Gibson's father, was born in July 1982." → "Seddon's first child was born in July 1982. He was named Paul Seddon Gibson after his paternal grandfather."
(Gibson already had one child, a daughter called Julie, from his first marriage.)
Triviafor treatment. He soon responded to treatment
Repetitive phrasing
Space flights[edit]
- No comma after
the crew were kept together
to operate a bone saw to help
fix repetitive preposition- Second O in Oval Office should be capitalized per our article on it
- Saying
the family was represented by Gibson
feels very patriarchal. - The anecdote about Mike Smith's flight suit reads as trivia.
- "While she waited for her Spacelab Life Sciences mission to be scheduled"
- "another child, and that the SLS-1 mission" is technically grammatically correct if you're saying "she was hoping that the SLS-1 mission", but that doesn't feel like what you're trying to say
It was regarded as a plum job, and a good way to see how the directorate was managed.
MOS:WEASEL- Still don't like the parentheses
- Missing comma in "June 5, 1991"
All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
Later life[edit]
- Fine
Awards and honors[edit]
- Fine
References[edit]
- Fine
General comments[edit]
@GhostRiver: Any progress on this? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 18:38, 1 April 2022 (UTC) @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:10, 3 April 2022 (UTC)
- Hawkeye7 I have been in a depressive episode caused by my bipolar disorder. I have left more comments. — GhostRiver 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)
- Glad you are feeling better. I saw that you were active, and thought that you had forgotten this review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:18, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: I think all issues have been addressed now. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: I think all issues have been addressed now. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
- Glad you are feeling better. I saw that you were active, and thought that you had forgotten this review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:18, 4 April 2022 (UTC)