Talk:Robert R. Wilson/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Jamesx12345 (talk · contribs) 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
I'll review this in the next day or so. Jamesx12345 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
- "who was a division leader of the" - "involved" or "heavily involved" might read better.
- "Wilson and his Cornell colleagues constructed four electron synchrotrons." - doesn't say what these were for, quite abrupt.
- "the Fermilab" - "Fermilab"?
- Doesn't read right without "the".
- "but at the same time made it aesthetically pleasing" - could be omitted.
- "which was at that time blossoming into the top American site for both" - "which was at that time developing into the foremost American site for both"
- "(Ph.D.)" - "(PhD)" is more common
- "He was later rehired at Luis Alvarez's urging" - "He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" - lest somebody should read it aloud or with a screenreader.
- "but soon melted a pair of pliers during a welding job, and was again fired." - "but melted an expensive pair of pliers whilst welding, and was fired again." [1]
- "from the immensely more common" - "much more common" might be more appropriate, since U-235 makes up nearly 1% by mass.
- 100-ton test could be linked.
- "Wilson attempted to raise the question" - "Wilson raised the question"
- Association of Los Alamos Scientists can also be linked.
- "but spent the first eight months of 1946 at Berkeley designing..." - could be clearer that it is for Harvard.
- Should ref 6 not be after the colon?
- The last reference (McDaniel, Boyce D.; Silverman, Albert) links to [2], which is about Philip Morrison. Wilson's bio can be found here.
- "It did indeed..." - this is a bit odd - it reads as if there was originally something else there as well to provide some context.
- "that remains in use today" - "today" can be omitted.
Just a few more points. Jamesx12345 13:26, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
- "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the not-yet-created National Accelerator Laboratory which was to create the largest particle accelerator of its day at Batavia, Illinois." - "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the nascent National Accelerator Laboratory at Batavia, Illinois, which was to be largest particle accelerator constructed to date."
- "full-steam ahead style" - probably too colloquial, maybe "direct and involved" or something.
- "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory (Fermilab for short)" - "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory or Fermilab"
- "famed" - Fermi is probably famous enough that this can be omitted.
- "herd of American Bisons that started" - is the plural of Bison not just Bison?
- The wiktionary says that both are used but "bison" is preferred. Dropped the "s". Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
- "honor" - I can't see any other words with spelling variations. As an American, it probably makes sense to keep it that way, but maybe with a template to advi
- Federal government can be linked.