Talk:Roger Crozier/GA2

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 10:10, 15 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • No disambiguation links or dead links.
  • Images need alternative text.
  • A lot of the teams are linked multiple times: go through and make sure each team is only linked on its first use.
  • No need to capitalise "game" in "Game 4" and "Game 5" for the finals, and the numbers should be spelt out, so "Game 4" should be "game four" for example.
Lead
  • Per WP:OPENPARA, the location of birth and death should not be included in the opening brackets.
  • "..during the regular season doing so in 1965–66." Comma needed before "doing so".
  • Link pancreatitis.
  • Why in "(1965–66 and in 1974–75)" does the first link go to the relevant article for the Finals, but the second links to the whole season article?
  • "His health problems would lead to his.." Should be "His health problems led to his.."
Background
  • "His mother was Mildred "Austin" Crozier.." Was Austin her nickname? If it was her maiden name, then render it as "His mother was Mildred Crozier (née Austin).."
    • Austin was her nickname. Should I include it somewhere? Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Early career
  • Is there a more specific link that can be used for Ulcer?
    • I'll try to find the specific type of ulcer Crozier had. So far, I've only seen other research only write ulcer. Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • As you use OHA, you need to mention this acronym after "the Ontario Hockey Association" in the first sentence of the section. Similar for AHL and EPHL later.
  • "..to fill in for injured starting goaltender.." Missing a word, would read better as "..to fill in for their injured starting goaltender.."
  • Even though you link it, spell out GAA on the first use.
Detroit Red Wings (1963–70)
  • "..turned full-time pro.." Expand pro to professional.
  • "..as he suited up.." This terminology is not going to be familiar to a layperson. I would stick with the admittedly blander "..as he played.."
  • "..star goaltender.." Avoid peacock terms.
  • Second link to 1963–64 NHL season is not needed.
  • "..Crozier was called up to replace." Missing word at the end of this: "..replace him." Mabye?
  • "During Crozier's time with the Red Wings, he convinced their management that he was the next to be." What does this mean? Needs rewriting to explain the point it is trying to make.
    • I reworded it into "Although Crozier played in only 15 games, he impressed management enough that they decided he was going to be their next starting goaltender.". Hopes this makes more sense. Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the off-season, Sawchuk was left unprotected during the intraleague waiver draft, .." This needs to be explained, either through links or a note for laypeople.
  • Throughout the article the links to NHL seasons should be tidied, so that they don't redirect through the page with a hyphen, but go directly to the page with an endash.
  • Link shutout on its first use.
  • "Crozier would be the last NHL goaltender to start all of his team's games during the regular season." This would read a lot better rephrased to something like: "Crozier remains the most recent NHL goaltender to start.."
  • "At season's end, .." Should either be "At the season's end, .." or "At the end of the season, .."
  • Does "Following his rookie season, .." Mean his second season? It isn't entirely clear.
    • I changed it to "sophomore season". Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "..the Red Wings made it deep in the playoffs." This doesn't really seem encyclopaedic language.
    • Reworded into "the Red Wings advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals.". Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "..suffered a leg injury which seemed to lower the Red Wings' morale.." According to who? Opinion like this needs to be attributed in the text, or it seems like WP:OR.
    • I just deleted the sentence. It is from source 17 though. Heroman26 (talk) 21:29, 21 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Although Crozier would return for.." should be "Although Crozier returned for.."
  • "(playoffs MVP)" MVP needs to be expanded.
    • Changed it to "Even though Detroit lost the Stanley Cup, Crozier was awarded the Conn Smythe Trophy, which is awarded to the most valuable player in the playoffs.". Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "..Crozier started only 58 of the Red Wings games.." Out of how many?
  • "The Red Wings would also miss the playoffs." Again, should be "The Red Wings missed the playoffs."
  • "His announcement was short-lived however, as after six weeks.." No need for "however".
  • "..before returning with the Red Wings." I think "with" should be replaced with "to"
  • "Crozier would spend two more seasons on a mediocre Red Wings team.." "would spend" should be "spent".
Buffalo Sabres and Washington Capitals (1970–77)
  • "Crozier would finish the season.." should be "Crozier finished the season.."
  • "..with a 9-20-7 record.." use endashes rather than hyphens, and explain this notation. Outside of North America, it isn't commonly used.
    • Fixed the hyphens. I rewrote it into "Crozier finished the season with a 9–20–7 record (win-loss-tie)". Hope this clarifies it. Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "..finishing 5th in.." fifth, not 5th.
  • "..with 16 only." Remove "only" which is redundant.
  • "..posted a 13-34-14 record.." as above.
  • "He also faced 2,190 shots.." "also" is redundant and can be removed.
  • "Crozier would see his playing time.." should be "Crozier saw his playing time.."
  • "..rank 1st in.." Should be "..rank first in.."
  • Generally the part of the article about the "Fog game" needs to be toned down a little: "infamous" and "dramatically" are both peacocky terms, and "the temperature skyrocketed" is not encyclopaedic language. "The next two periods saw Crozier allowing one goal, .." Would be better phrased, "Over the next two periods, Crozier allowed one goal, .."
    • Shortened and fixed the "unencyclopaedic" language. It is now written as "Game three of the Finals in Buffalo was known as the "Fog Game". A heat wave in May hit the arena and with no air conditioning inside, the temperature increased. Fog started to develop and soon visibility decreased. Gerry Desjardins was the starting goaltender but after allowing three goals in the first period, he was replaced by Crozier. Crozier allowed one goal during the rest of the game, helping his team win 5–4 in overtime.". Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Crozier was allowed to start.." Would "selected" be better than "allowed" here?
  • "He would play only three games.." Should be "He played only three games.."
Post-career
  • "..Capitals would pick.." Should be "..Capitals picked.."
  • "..unveiled the Roger Crozier Saving Grace Award given annually.." The award should not be emboldened.
Career statistics
Awards
See also
  • I'm not sure that the Hap Holmes Memorial Award is relevant enough to this article to warrant a "See also" link?
    • I deleted the "See also" section. This section was here way before I started rewriting the article. Heroman26 (talk) 00:02, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
References
  • Generally very good: links to the newspapers etc. would be useful, and in a few cases extra information should be added.
    • Fixed. (talk) 00:20, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref #3 is missing the author's name.
  • What makes "sabreslegends.com" a reliable source?
    • Sorry, I can't find any reliable credentials for the website. Should I remove all info that can not be backed up by sources other than "sabreslegends.com". Heroman26 (talk) 00:20, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • None of the information that this is supporting looks particularly contentious, but if you can find another source that supports the same information, that would be better, particularly if you want to move the article on to Featured status. Harrias talk 10:00, 22 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref #13 is missing the author's name.
  • Ref #16 is missing the author's name, and the title needs the hyphen changing to an endash.
  • Ref #25 is missing the author's name.
  • Refs #34 and 35 are the same article. Harrias talk 11:14, 15 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've made all the recommended fixes. Hope they're good enough. Heroman26 (talk) 21:29, 21 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your work, there are only a couple of minor points remaining, but the article is certainly of Good quality already. I will trust that you will sort out the ALT text, and the information provided by sabreslegends.com, but I am happy to promote the article to Good status in the meantime. Well done. Harrias talk 10:00, 22 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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