Talk:Say Aah/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk) 14:41, 26 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

In my opinion this article needs a lot of work before it can be promoted to GA. I've decided to place on hold for now to give the nominator time to address my concerns.

General referencing and media issues[edit]

  • Song sample.
  1. As a rule of thumb it is suggested that clips from songs be no longer than 10% of the length of the original song. This sample is 31 seconds and should be cut to 22 seconds.
  2. There doesn't seem to be any rationale for the clip to be included. Does it highlight a particular part of the song and, if so, why is it important that the clip is included?
I'll trim it when I get a chance. The clip highlights the abundance of hooks in the song (i.e. we don't buy drinks at the bar).
  • References
  1. What makes djbooth and currenthophop reliable sources? The link to Current Hiphop goes a clip of the song itself, is there no other way of getting this information?
DJBooth removed, proved to be unreliable. However currenthiphop is the only source for the clip.
  • General
  1. The critical reception section includes quotes from only three sources, one of which is a one sentence caption for a video of the track. Is this really all you can find? According to the reception section in the Ready article the album was reviewed by lots of publications - do none of these reviews mention "Say Aah"?
    I know of this also, I've searched for single reviews and could only come up with the reviews I have through album reviews. Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    The article is about the song rather than being specifically about the single, so it's fine to include comments made about "Say Aah" in reviews of Ready as long as you state that that's where they're from.Cavie78 (talk) 09:31, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    That's what I meant by my previous statement. Even the reviews included were gathered from Ready reviews.
    Ok. It is briefly mentioned in the New York Times review but I've looked through some more reviews of Ready and I see what you mean - doesn't get a lot of mentions. Cavie78 (talk) 16:34, 23 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  2. There seems be a tendency towards the overuse of quotes in the article. See Wikipedia:Quotations
  3. The background section seems like it could do with some information about the actual writing of the song, production etc.
    Well I thought that was part of the background, what would you suggest calling it? Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    I think you've missed the point - I'm saying that there is no real information about the actual writing of the song or its production in the 'background' section and there should be if possible.Cavie78 (talk) 09:31, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Added info. Candyo32 02:47, 21 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Lots of info appears in the lead but not the body of the article - the track's release date, writing credits, the fact that it is an "electrohop-pop" (is there a source for this by the way?) The lead should simply be an overview of the article per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (lead section)
    The electrohop-pop is removed, but release date and writing credits are listed in the release history and credits section of the article. Candyo32 23:36, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose issues[edit]

Lead[edit]

  • "The song was released to rhythmic and urban airplay..." Do you mean radio stations when you say "airplay"?
Same thing, Mediabase, the head of radio stations lists songs that currently go on sale for download and released for "airplay."
Ok but it sounds quite clunky to me.Cavie78 (talk) 09:31, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Generally the song has been compared to Jamie Foxx's hit, "Blame It"." This doesn't sound right, think it might be better to say "Some critics have compared the song to Jamie Foxx's hit, "Blame It"." if that's what you mean.
Removed b/c DJBooth was unreliable. Candyo32 23:39, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The song was later certified Platinum in the by the RIAA." In the United States?
With RIAA being the US-standard, it is understood it is in the United States. Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You either need to say "in the United States by the RIAA" (which I'd prefer) or just "by the RIAA" and remove "in the" Cavie78 (talk) 09:33, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done Candyo32 23:39, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Background[edit]

  • "According to Songz in an interview with GoWhereHipHop, Fabolous decided to jump on the track the day Ready was set to be mastered, during the week of the release of his fifth studio album Loso's Way."

There are a few issues here:

  1. "Jump on" isn't very encyclopedic in tone.
  2. "Fabolous decided to..." Can you say anymore about this? Why did he decide to appear on the track? What did Songz think about this?
  3. "during the week of the release of his fifth studio album Loso's Way." I'm not sure this information is needed, it's a bit unclear who 'his' refers to unless you know Loso's Way is a Fabolous album.
    I barely found the information about Fabolous period, so I don't think there is anymore information about it period. Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    I'll have to think about this - the article is in danger of failing criteria 3(a) for 'Broad coverage - addressing the main aspects of the topic' If there's nothing more about Fabolous's involvement in the writing I think you at least need to state that he sung a verse on the song (see below)
    Added more information. Candyo32 23:46, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Songz also insinuated that "Say Aah" would be released as one of the last singles from Ready, as when asked about Fabolous making an addition to the track, calling it "one of the hottest club records to be out next year.""

Again a few issues:

  1. This whole sentence could be phrased better, would suggest something like "When asked about Fabolous's appearance on the track Songz insinuated that "Say Aah" would be released as one of the last singles from Ready, calling it "one of the hottest club records to be out next year."
  2. You should probably state when he was interviewed so that 'next year' makes sense.
Done. Candyo32 23:46, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Composition and critical reception[edit]

  • "The lyrical content of the song has made the song be referred to as an "indecent behavior anthem."" Needs rewording, would suggest "The song has been refereed to as an "indecent behavior anthem" due to its lyrical content."
Done. Candyo32
  • "The track has been compared to Jamie Foxx's "Blame It" and Fabolous references the song in his verse." You should state that Fabolous sings one verse while Songz sings the rest (I'm assuming this is the case from this sentence?)
Removed b/c DJBooth unreliable. Candyo32 23:52, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Ken Capobianco of the Boston Globe said that Ready was built about the "popping tracks" of "LOL" and "Say Aah"." This is a valid quote to use but you need to make "Say Aah" the focus - this article is not about Ready.
Done. Candyo32 23:52, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "MTV Buzzworthy commented that Songz, "kicks convos to girls who dance like "video vixens" in an effort to get 'em back to his condo. Everyone drinks like it's their birthday, with mirth and merriment had by all.""
  1. What's a "convo"?
  2. What's a "condo"?
    Well since im using the quote this go-round, how could it be changed? Btw, these are terms used in the song.Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm guessing condo means condominium and convo means conversation? Generally it's not recommended that you use wikilinks in a quote but I think they are needed here so the sentence actually makes sense to those who aren't familiar with North American slang.Cavie78 (talk) 09:31, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  3. "video vixens" should be in single speech marks as a quote within a quote.
All done.
  • "Vibe called the song, "the official birthday song of the year", commenting, "Sorry, Jeremih."" You should explain what this means rather than using a Wikilink i.e. "Vibe called the track "the official birthday song of the year", claiming that it was better than Jeremih's "Birthday Sex"" if that's what you mean.
Done Candyo32 23:52, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Chart performance[edit]

  • "The charting made the song the highest of Songz' career, and it spent twenty-three weeks on the chart." Should be rephrased and perhaps split into two sentences.
Done Candyo32 23:56, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As Songz' first song to impact pop radio, it reached sixteen on the Pop Songs chart." Think it would be better to simply state that the song was Songz' first hit on the Pop Songs chart and that it reached number sixteen.
  1. But it wasn't just his first song to hit the airplay-only Pop Songs chart. It was his first song period to be made available to go for adds on pop radio, which therefore allowed it to chart on the Pop Songs. Candyo32 00:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Could you change to "As Songz' first track to be made available to pop radio..." in that case? I'm afraid I have no idea what "go for adds on pop radio" means so I'm assuming you just mean that it was released as a radio single?
Well "going for adds" isn't a hard term as it is referred to in most music articles Your_Love_Is_My_Drug#Radio_add_dates. Songs that go for adds were usually release prior for download. Candyo32 23:56, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Whilst the song made several milestones in the US for song..." Do you mean "for Songz"? "made several milestones" could be worded better.
Done. Candyo32 23:56, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Music video[edit]

  • "The music video was directed by Yolande Geralds, who also helmed the clip for "I Invented Sex."" You should state that "I invented sex" was Songz' previous/subsequent single. You should also clear up what happened here - looking at the article for "I invented sex" it seems that it was released as a single before "Say Aah" but its video was made afterwards? Is this correct?
I fixed it so IIS is states as previous single. The video was released during the time of "I Invented Sex" as a dual clip. But the second clip didn't appear until later. Candyo32 00:00, 20 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who also helmed the clip" Although there would be repetition I think you'd be better using the word "directed" rather than "helmed"
Done.
  • "A combination video was released for the dual clips of "Say Aah" and "I Invented Sex" and the videos were also released separately." "combined" would be better than "combination" in my opinion.
In my opinon, I think combination sounds better because the videos were not "combined" rather they were one clip but together from begin with, therefore a "combination" would sound better, but that's just my opinon.
  • "Songz confirmed to MTV News that the latter would be a continuation of the previous." When did Songz state this? I think you'd be better stating this as a fact - "Songz told MTV News that the latter is be a continuation of the previous."
But at time everything wasn't set into stone, so wouldn't "would" be proper in the future tense? Candyo32 00:00, 20 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Live performances[edit]

  • "He performed the song once again on 106 & Park on February 11, 2010 for "Love Week" with a medley of "Neighbors Know My Name", and "I Invented Sex"." Was "Say Ahh" part of the medley of was it played alongside a medley of "Neighbors Know My Name" and "I Invented Sex"?
The nominator has been in touch with me to say that he's been busy but will have a look soon. I'm going to give him another week before I fail. Cavie78 (talk) 16:28, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Remaining concerns[edit]

Hi Candy, good work on the article so far. I'm about to go out for the night but will list my remaining concerns here when I get back with the aim of signing this review off one way or the other in the next few days. Cavie78 (talk) 16:41, 23 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  1. The music clip is still 31 seconds and has no rationale. The caption merely states that it is a clip of the song. Why is it needed?
  2. Still seems to be an overuse of quotes in the article per Wikipedia:Quotations
  3. You stated that you removed the sentence "Generally the song has been compared to Jamie Foxx's hit, "Blame It"." from the lead but it is still there. Also, without it, there needs to be another attempt to sum up critical reception in the lead.
Fixing them in the next day or so. Candyo32 12:35, 27 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Candy, can we hurry this up please? Cavie78 (talk) 20:28, 2 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, sample shortened, caption now talks about the hook, and sentence is removed. Also I have reduced the usage of most quotes as best as I could. Candyo32 22:00, 5 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, I think the article is now good enough for GA so am happy to promote. Cavie78 (talk) 16:43, 6 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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