Talk:Si j'avais au moins.../GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: AJona1992 (talk) 20:05, 20 July 2011 (UTC) and Mayhem Mario 20:05, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Notes from AJona1992[edit]

WP:Non-free content: Seems fine with me. Both non-free images all have suitable rationals and captions.
WP:SAMPLE: There's no sample here.
DABCHECK: None to report.
WP:DEADLINK: None to report.

Infobox

01. Is the second chronology of track listing of her album really necessary in the article? None of them currently do not have a Wikipedia page here. Consider removing.

Done

Lead

01. The lead isn't very well organized. "is a 2008 song recorded by French singer Mylène Farmer." - why is 2008 wikilink? why is it also wikilink to 2008 in music? It should be written out like similar Category:GA-Class song articles.

As my English is bad, I don't know how to improve the lead section. Please tell me what's wrong, because I don't really know what to do, except removing the 2008 link...

02. "It was the third single from her eighth studio album Point de suture and released on 16 February 2009" - single doesn't need to be wikilink, don't link usual and common words. Her eight studio album Point de suture should have the year of release in parenthesis. Maybe something like this? It was the third single released, from her eight studio album Point De Suture (2008), on 16 February 2009 - or something equivalent.

Done

03. "Although quite unexpected as single by Farmer's fans" missing a word and seems a bit orish to me.

I propose: "Despite a survey showing that a minority of the voters wanted the song as the third single, "Si j'avais au moins..." received positive reviews..." Better ?

04. "received positive reviews and, like the four other singles from the album, peaked at number one the French Singles Chart." - needs to be rewritten. French Singles Chart needs to be wikilink.

I propose : "received positive reviews and achieved some success on the French Singles Chart, debuting at number-one."

05. "The song was performed" - you mean the singer performed the song?

Done

Background and release

01. "On 15 December 2008, recording company Polydor officially announced "Si j'avais au moins..."" there's a missing word ---> "On 15 December 2008, recording company Polydor officially announced that "Si j'avais au moins...""

Done

02. "Point de suture" needs to be linked and year of release needs to be in parentheses.

Done

03. "and a promotional format was sent to radio stations" ---> "while simultaneously a promotional format was released on radio stations". (MayhemMario does that sound like a better word choice?)

Done

04. "In the radio edit version which features on this format, the last refrain before the musical bridge is deleted" - what? and if staying, possibly remove the word "in", consider revising.

I tried to reword: "This format contained a radio edit version, in which the last refrain of the original song, before the musical bridge, was deleted." Is this better ?

05. "Avant que l'ombre... in 2005" - remove "in 2005" and add the year of release in parentheses.

Done

06. "As the song is very slow" - this doesn't make any sense.

"As the song has a very slow tempo". Is this better ?

07. "On 15 January 2009, it was announced that the maxi vinyl, published in a limited edition, and the CD single would be released on 10 February, then delayed to 16 February." - wikilink maxi vinyl and CD single. And why was it delayed?

Wikilink

Done, but I don't know why it was delayed...

08. "The cover of the promotional CD single is entirely red, showing in close-up the head of the doll which appears on the Point de suture album." - remove "CD" and restart the sentence with "The cover art of the promotional single was entirely red, showing a close-up, the head of the doll which had appeared on Point de suture."

Done

09. "The cover of the CD single, published on the Internet on 27 January 2009, displays a photograph by Simon Hawk." - the word "which" needs to be included before "published" and write displayed instead of displays, also lower-case internet.

Done

Music video

01. "music video" - needs to be linked

Done

02. "in the middle of 2008" ---> "in mid-2008"

Done

03. "and was officially aired on television 17 January, on M6." ---> "and was officially released on television on M6, ten days later"

Done

04. The synopsis and critical reception of the music video needs to be copy-edited.

As non-native speaker of English, I'm pretty sure that if I copyedit this section, I will add grammar or spelling mistakes instead of resolving the existing issues...

Critical reception

01. "For example" - why would you start a sentence with this?

Done Removed

02. "More critical" - as well as this?

Done Removed

03. "did poorly on radio" ----> "charted poorly on radio"

Done

04. "the song entered directly" - either peaked or debuted at number one.

Done

05. Why isn't Ultratop 50 linked?

Done

06. (fixed the last sentence) "The song peaked at number six on the week of 7 March 2009 on the European Hot 100 Singles, which was the highest debut for Farmer" - was it for Farmer?

Done The issue was already adressed: "The song began at a peak of number six on the chart edition of 7 March 2009 on the European Hot 100 Singles, which was the highest debut then."

Promotion and live performances

01. "accompanied by many musicians." - would you like to give the number of musicians?

I can't answer. Perhaps it should be better to say "accompanied by ~~many~~ musicians" ?

02. "was performed as last song" - missing word "the"

Done

03. "but only in the halls venues, and was cancelled for the concerts in stadiums." - why?

Unfortunately, I don't know...

04. "the stage was bathed in red and orange lights." - how can a stage be bathed in red and orange lights?

I don't know if this rewording would be better: "the stage was illuminated with red and oranges lights."

05. "video which was not featured on the DVD and Blu-Ray for N°5 on Tour;" - what? and why?

"but it was not included on the DVD and Blu-Ray of N°5 on Tour, as the performance of the show was filmed at a concert in a stadium." Is this better ?

06. "the instrumental version of the song, however, was used for the ending credits ("Générique")" - missing word "of" before the song. Why is the song in parentheses?

Done

Credits

01. Remove "Made in the E.U."

Done

External links

01. Remove "All about the song, on Mylene.net"

Done

References

Make sure that if any sources are not written in English please add |language=[[French language|French]]}} at the end of the citation you used.

I checked the refs, and it appears to me that all of them use the template "{{cite XXX|..." with the "language" parameter except for refs in English ["(in French)" appear in the refs], but the word "French" is not wikilinked. Is the wikilink needed in all cases ?

Grammar fixes from MayhemMario[edit]

To be done by MayhemMario.

Final notes[edit]

I'll be putting the article On hold for seven days for improvements. AJona1992 (talk) 20:07, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your detailed review, AJona1992. I tried to improve what was wrong and I hope it is better now. Your comments on the rewording that I proposed will be welcomed. Best regards, --Europe22 (talk) 06:40, 21 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]