Talk:Super Bowl XLVI halftime show/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 07:50, 28 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Infobox
Lead
  • "M.I.A. (artist)" should link to M.I.A. (rapper)
  • Could be worth (briefly) describing why plans never materialized for previous Super Bowl halftime shows
  • The reason added is not supported by this
  • Fixed myself
  • "In 2011, the National Football League (NFL) confirmed her appearance for the XLVI show" → "In 2011, the National Football League (NFL) announced she would perform for the XLVI show"
  • Add a comma after "Madonna was not paid for performing at the halftime show", the sentence otherwise runs on for too long without any pause
  • "However, the event received widespread attention from the media, when it was noticed that M.I.A. had extended her middle finger to the camera" → "However, the event received widespread attention from the media when M.I.A. extended her middle finger"
Synopsis
  • "Cheerleading choreography was executed, with Madonna, Minaj and M.I.A. dancing with pom-poms"..... awkward phrasing
  • "At the end CeeLo Green came onstage" → "CeeLo Green came onstage at the end"
  • "Madonna, then dancing as a majorette, and Green performed snippets of 'Open Your Heart' and 'Express Yourself', the music of 'Like a Prayer' started"..... something about the transition from "Open Your Heart" and "Express Yourself" to "Like a Prayer" doesn't seem right.
Background
  • Add a comma after "According to CBS News"
  • I'd add why the 1998 and 2000 deals didn't materialize
  • Reason given here is also not what NFL link I gave above says
  • Let's just mention MDNA by name rather than "then untitled twelfth studio album"
  • No need to mention The Black Eyed Peas' show being criticized
  • "The event was coincided with the release of W.E. in United States and the release of the first single from her twelfth studio album"..... the given reference (FN5) doesn't officially verify any single release, and again MDNA should be mentioned by name
  • Still no source provided discussing any new single release
  • "Singer Lady Gaga was also in contention to land the gig, however Madonna was chosen in the end"..... awkward phrasing
  • "But they had previous experience of building a nine-minute pre-game extravaganza at the Super Bowl about five years ago"..... I'd remove "but", and "about five years ago" should be replaced with a time range per WP:RELTIME
Development
Rehearsals
*Something tells me "then new" should be hyphenated
  • "Madonna confessed in an interview with ABC News"..... told ABC News
  • From looking into references, FN14 (Los Angeles Times, though I'm not sure why the official ABC News link wasn't used) doesn't include "This is a Midwesterner girls dream to be performing at the Super Bowl half-time show. In over 25 years of performing that I've done, I have never worked so hard or been so scrupulous or detail-orientated or freaked out." Turns out that bit is something she instead told The Daily Telegraph (as seen in FN15), so in-text attribution to The Daily Telegraph is needed.
  • "In the same interview she revealed" → "She also revealed"
  • "had to be aborted"..... cancelled
Fashion
  • Nothing with a better view of her?
  • Ehh..... not a requirement for GA, but it would've helped to have a better view of her
  • A quotation mark is either missing from the beginning of Akerlund's quote, or should be removed from the end of it
  • What is "intricate" in "intricate diamond earrings" supposed to mean?
Stage setup
  • Is "simple or complex it may be" really necessary or encyclopedic?
  • "the main challenge in the set up was as follows" is not appropriate tone
Lighting and sound
  • "unique" isn't really a neutral term
  • Removed myself
Critical response
  • "Madonna's performance received mostly positive reviews from critics" needs a source, even if most of the reviews included within this article are positive ones
  • The brackets aren't needed for "[l]ove", so just use simply "Love"
  • "Janet Jackson's nipplegate" is an amusing description :P, but it's probably more professional to describe it as something along the lines of "wardrobe malfunction"
Commercial impact
  • Add a comma after "Following its airing"
  • I'm concerned about the tone of "After the Super Bowl effect wore off, Celebration tumbled down 105 spots"
M.I.A. controversy
  • Remove the comma after "The performance gained widespread attention from the media"
  • See above comment regarding "nipplegate", and this should be unlinked per WP:OVERLINK- a link to Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show controversy was already used in the "Critical response" section
  • It would probably help to use the official Ryan Seacrest interview link for Madge's comments on M.I.A.
  • "I didn't realize it happened until after she walked off the stage" and "I couldn't keep track of everything that was happening while the performance was taking place" aren't included the quote mentioned in FN72 (MTV News)
  • This still isn't supported within the given sources
  • Removed myself
  • "A day later she tweeted Madonna asking whether she could 'borrow $16 million', later deleted the tweet" → "She subsequently tweeted Madonna asking to 'borrow $16 million', though later deleted the tweet"
  • "ESPN.com" → ESPN
  • "King did not elaborate any further details, neither did the NFL" → "Neither King nor the NFL provided any further details"
References
  • FN9: "Montreal" should read CBC News
  • FN13: Not convinced this is reliable, especially since its about page says the site is "the fastest-growing online sports media brand and the largest network of fan-centric sports communities"
  • FN15: "Telegraph Media LLC" should be Telegraph Media Group
  • FN19: I'm skeptical about this
  • To clarify, the reference I'm referring to is "Stuff.co.nz"
  • Replaced this myself
Overall
  • Well-written?
  • Prose quality: Not the worst, but needs some improvement
  • Manual of Style: Could be better
  • Verifiable?
  • Reference layout: A few mislabeled references
  • Reliable sources: Almost, but not quite
  • No original research: Not every bit is supported by given citations
  • Broad in coverage?
  • Major aspects: Only one concern
  • Focused: Very close
  • Neutral?: One POV description
  • Stable?: All good
  • Illustrated, if possible, by images?
  • Appropriate licensing: Nothing worrisome
  • Relevance and captioning: It would really help to have clearer shots of Madonna
  • Pass or Fail?: Placing this on hold for seven days, shouldn't be too hard to fix up
  • OK I just went through and made the last few changes myself. Now a GA! Snuggums (talk / edits) 22:31, 6 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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