Talk:The Staff of Karnath/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Rhain1999 (talk · contribs) 09:31, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Comments below.

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    The rationale for File:Staff-of-karnath-1.jpg seems a bit weak.
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Lead and infobox
  • The release date in the infobox should be in chronological order (1984 before 1985).
  • "without founders Tim and Chris Stamper in direct involvement"—at a quick glance, it looks like is saying it's the first game with their indirect involvement. Consider rephrasing (without founders Tim and Chris Stamper's direct involvement".
  • Thanks, done JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Gameplay
  • Does the player control Sir Arthur Pendragon? I'm assuming this is the case; if so, perhaps this should be stated.
  • Yep, I've made it clearer JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the player will be able to establish..."—should be present tense ("the player can establish...").
Plot
  • "Millions of years ago creatures known as..."—comma between "ago" and "creatures".
Development and release
  • Expand "68 mi" to "68 miles".
  • I'm a bit surprised not to see more information from the Retro Gamer article in this section. Page 49 of the PDF talks about how the Thomas brothers met Tim Stamper, and how he was impressed with the game and offered a deal for four Pendragon games, yet none of this is mentioned in the article. It's not a huge problem, but I was wondering if there was a particular reason for this?
  • I was sceptical on including it as it's very similar to the development section I wrote for Blackwyche, but I've thought it over and think it would be more suitable for this article as The Staff of Karnath is actually the first game in the series. I've also added something regarding the sales figure JAGUAR  19:46, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Reception
  • The review score box to the right should clarify what the scores are out of; for example, "8/10", instead of "8".
  • Ah, forgot about that. Fixed JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Shouldn't refer to Computer and Video Games as a "he"; consider removing "A reviewer of...", and replace "he" with "they".
  • I've been told before to remove personification of websites, but I think it should be OK. Also fixed the gender-neutral part. JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Same goes for Commodore User; it's probably best to write it as if the magazine wrote the review, and not an individual reviewer.
  • Fixed as above JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "what he saw the screen", which doesn't make much sense, is presented as a direct quote, but I couldn't find it in the actual review. Seems a bit peculiar for someone to refer to themselves as "he".
  • Oops. This was a mistake on my part as I can't copy and paste stuff from PDF files, so I have to write the whole thing out manually. I have rephrased JAGUAR  16:56, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I also couldn't find the quote "waiting a long time" in the actual review.
  • Rephrased to "waiting so long", as it's more accurate to the opening sentence in the review JAGUAR  19:46, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In addition, Richard Patey only said "average" (not "just average"), and he never said "spooky" in the review.
  • Oops, it was Anderson who said it was "spooky", not Patey. Fixed and rephrased this JAGUAR  19:46, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Chris Anderson is misquoted again; the article refers to him saying the game "was not going to hook everyone", while the review says "isn't going to hook everyone".
  • In the second paragraph, consider repeating Anderson's position: he wrote for Personal Computer Games. This can be done by either "Anderson of Personal Computer Games praised... or "Anderson (Personal Computer Games) praised....
  • Went with the first option, thanks for pointing this out JAGUAR  19:46, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "7th best" to "seventh best".
References
  1. "Robotsoftcloud" to RobsoftCloud".
        Fixed JAGUAR  19:48, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  2. Link Computer and Video Games. I also find the publisher field interesting; the only mention of publisher Rita Lewis is on the contents page of the issue; the small print below names EMAP as the publisher, while elsewhere it appears to be Future plc.
        I think it's definitely Future plc, as they were (still are) the dominant publishers of video game magazines in the UK. The article also allocates it to Future publishing, so I went with that JAGUAR  19:52, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  3. Publisher of Personal Computer Games is Verenigde Nederlandse Uitgeverijen (VNU).
        Added JAGUAR  19:52, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  4. Link Retro Gamer. The publisher is Imagine Publishing. Also, it covers pages 48–53; the article says 30. The author is Martyn Carroll, not Dave Thomas (see PDF page 46).
        Added, and thanks, I'll be sure to use it for future Pendragon articles! JAGUAR  19:52, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  5. Link and italicise Crash, and add Newsfield Publications as the publisher.
        Done JAGUAR  19:52, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
External links
  • Remove MobyGames.

This is really well written, but I've listed my concerns above, for your consideration. Mainly some misquotes (or perhaps I'm not looking properly?), and the usual reference stuff. I'll put this on hold for a week or so. It's really interesting reading through all of these articles; I'd have never known about these games otherwise, so it's always nice to learn new things. Keep up the great work! – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 09:31, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review, Rhain! I've addressed all of the above. I tried using the nbsp code for listing down points for the references section but I think I somehow messed it up, so sorry about that. Your comments are very helpful and should save me a lot of time in the future, as sometimes I miss out writing out the publications fully. Ultimate was a very secretive company but luckily from here on out the development info for these Pendragon articles are extensive (thanks to the RetroGamer interview) and the reception sections will get broader due to more coverage. It's interesting writing about these, and one day I hope to make Ultimate Play The Game a Good Topic, but one step at a time! JAGUAR  19:59, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Glad you appreciated the review. No worries about the nbsp code; it's a complicated process—I'm sure there's a simpler way, but I haven't found it yet. Thanks for fixing everything so quickly! I've just gone through the article again, and everything looks good to me! I really like your additions to the "Development and release" section, too; I'm glad you appreciated my suggestion. Here's a present to add to your ever-growing collection: . Keep up the fantastic work! – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 00:31, 2 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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