Talk:Tropical Storm Gabrielle (1995)/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 15:19, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"As Gabrielle was impacting the east coast of Mexico, Hurricane Flossie in the Eastern Pacific was battering the Baja Peninsula" - the "as" is ambiguous. Does it mean "because"? "as a result of"? "Since"? It's not an ideal sentence starter. Also, could you use a less dramatic word than "battering"? It just makes me hungry and think of waffles.
- Should I change it to "Hurricane Flossie in the Eastern Pacific was battering the Waffle House"?--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Mmm, yea. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"totaling to at least 19.44 inches (494 mm). " - why the "at least"? HPC says that was the peak. I think you should also say "peaking" instead of "totaling to". You should mention the HPC peak in the impact section too.
- Because there are reports of rainfall totals higher than that.--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Have you told that to DR? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Add the exact rainfall for Texas.
"damaging mainly unharvested cotton" - huh? I think you should swap "damaging" and "mainly"
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"on the last week of July." - "during" might work better than "on".
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"while east of the coast of northeast Mexico" - that's a little awkward. Why not say "east of Tamaulipas"?
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"From the outset, its motion was hampered by that of Hurricane Flossie off the Pacific coast of Mexico" - poor start to a paragraph. You should say "the cyclone's" or something instead of "its". Also, was the motion really "hampered"? That sounds like a negative thing.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"at first. Deep convection fired up only gradually at first" - cut one of the "at first". Also, in that sentence, it doesn't seem like it took that long to strengthen. 18 hours as a TD isn't unusual.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - But it didn't seem like it took that long to strengthen. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The track also shifted southward somewhat, shifting the threat from Texas into Mexico" - was the storm ever supposed to strike Texas? Also, remove one of the "shift"
Including the final sentence in the previous paragraph, you have consecutive sentences starting with "The storm". Liven it up a bit!
"Rains from Gabrielle flooded streets and destroyed bridges and highways in northern Mexico, which is an industrial capita" - a large region of Mexico is an industrial capital?
- Removed "industrial capital"--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The storm surge was also minor." - what else was minor to necessitate the "also"?
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
What caused the deaths?
"minor beach flooding took place at some of the beaches in the region" - no need to say "beach" twice.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - You didn't...--♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All in all, pretty good. Just some minor things. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:19, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Few more.

"Widespread rain amounts of four to six inches from Gabrielle. Gabrielle's rain came after a drought" - avoid consecutive "Gabrielle's"
Link UTC somewhere.

--♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]