I will be taking this review. Per my usual process, I will first go through a general-overview review and then delve into a more specific prose review. I plan to have my reviews posted by this evening (UTC). -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 04:26, 6 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I look forward to it. Nightscream (talk) 16:33, 6 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I want to first apologize for the delay in posting this review, some personal things came up that I needed to take care of. Second, I feel that I should disclose that I work for a public school system (over 2000 miles away from this school), so I do not think there will be any issues, but I may not notice any education-specific jargon. Below is my overall review, and then I will delve into the prose review.
The article is very close to meeting GA criteria. There are a few things that I feel should be addressed which I will list them below in my prose review. The full prose review will be up in a couple of hours. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 19:06, 7 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done The lead should cover what is included in the article. The school's inaugural principal was David Wilcomes. This is not mentioned in the article, and really is not of note. This information should be moved to the history section where the opening of the school is mentioned.
DoneIts opening ceremony was attended by Union City Mayor Brian P. Stack, New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez and Governor of New Jersey Jon Corzine. This sentence is not noteworthy enough to include in the lead.
Question: Is the Academy for Enrichment and Advancement part of UCHS? Is the academy the same as the "additional facilities a block south?" Based on the article, I cannot tell if it is a part of the high school, or just a part of the system. If it is not part of the high school, it should not be included in this article.
Done Since this section is about grade structure, you should start with "Union City High School holds only Sophomore through Senior students,[5]" taking that from later in the section.
Done Doing the above would need to change the sentence that includes that start. The word "although" should be removed. The remaining part about the AEA, (if it is part of the school), A separate institution one block south of the High School on Kerrigan Avenue between 22nd and 23rd Streets, The Academy for Enrichment and Advancement (AEA), provides classes for students of grades 9 - 12 who show interest in the fields of science and engineering. should be moved to the end of the section.
Done Remove five blocks south of the high school from the part about the middle school as this information is not really encyclopedic.
Done The current first sentence is a bit of a run on. I would put a period at the end of were converted into middle schools. and then start the next sentence with "Jose Marti Middle school...."
Done The first sentence uses the word "site" twice, I would change the second use to location.
Y When was the site turned into a playground? If you can find this, include the date.
Done In the third sentence change the word "later" to an actual date or year, or remove it completely.
Done...special events, from tractor pulls, concerts, carnivals and Fourth of July fireworks shows, to an exhibition baseball game... Most of this is not notable, I would remove it all, and change the end to "...special events, including an exhibition baseball game..."
Done The last sentence in this is not good information and is not encyclopedic. If you know where the Turkey Games were held from 2004-2007, then include that information. If not, then remove the sentence within the parenthesis.
Y When was the stadium torn down? Once again, if you can find this, include that information.
Y When did planning of the school begin? Where did the idea come from? Why was the new school needed? This is relevant to include before the officials broke ground.
DoneThe school was one of six demonstration projects conceived and funded by the former Schools Construction Corporation, now the Schools Development Authority, according to Piscataway-based Epic Management, which served as the construction manager for the project. I do not understand what this means. Later it is discussed that the money partially came from the state and partially from the city. Is the School Construction Corporation or Schools Development Authority notable? If not, don't include this information. If so, please explain it better.
DoneIn early March 2006, a large piece of the Hudson Brewery's original brick foundation was found intact, along with the base of a manhole still connected to an original sewer that opened underneath the brewery. The artifacts were removed, and officials monitored the excavation for future discoveries of other artifacts for historical preservation. None of this information is sourced, nor is it relevant.
Done Is the full name of the school Union City High School and Athletic Complex? if not the sentence starting Union City High School and Athletic Complex opened for... should have lowercase letters and say UCHS and its athletic complex opened...
Done...and performances by people such as Tito Puente, Jr. reads better as "...including a performance by Tito Puente, Jr." If there were other notable performances, include those as well, but if not, it is not required to include others.
DoneControversy was generated when a performance by Cuban singer Cucu Diamantes was cancelled by the city's Board of Education in response to threats of protest by anti-Castro activists over Diamantes' performance in a concert in Havana, Cuba days earlier.[20][21] Active voice would be more proper in this sentence. I recommend something like "A performance by Cuban singer Cucu Diamantes was cancelled by the city's Board of Education, causing controversy. The Board cancelled the performance in response to threats of protest by anti-Castro activists over Diamantes' performance in a concert in Havana, Cuba days earlier." This way the article shows exactly were the controversy came from, and why the board did it.
Done In the paragraph starting with The commencement ceremony for the school's first... it is not notable nor appropriate to list the colleges that students get into.
Done The paragraph starting with The school was the 323rd-ranked public... should be moved to the academic achievements section.
Done The paragraph starting with The federally funded... should be combined with the paragraph about the NHCAC in the facilities section.
Y Why was the student sanctuary built? Was there planning? If you can find this information, it would be relevant to add to the article.
Done On December 18, 2012, the school's 50-year time capsule, which was filled with items representative of the school, was buried on the Sanctuary grounds, and is scheduled to be opened in 2061. should be changed to "On December 18, 2012, the school's 50-year time capsule was filled with items representing the school and then buried on the Sanctuary grounds, with scheduled opening in 2061."
Done...marking the completion of the school. I assume this means the completion of the construction of the school? If so, I would change it to "...marking the completion of the construction of the school buildings."
I'm not sure how important this section is. There is WP:UNDUE weight given to Kristine Nazzal. She does not pass WP:NOTABILITY and therefore her inclusion is not important or relevant to the school.
Y Have you considered changing this section to a list and include current and past notable faculty, staff and students? Most Good Articles about school include a section like this toward the bottom of the article. Since the school has only recently been opened, you could include notable graduates from the past schools with a description saying they came from those schools.
Y Consider talking about the general building first overall. Include why it looks like it does. What it looks like. How big it is, how many floors, etc.
Y Consider breaking this up into subsections. The first part should be the general and end with the media center. Then a sub-head for athletic complex. A student sanctuary section (with information moved from the history section). A NHCAC section. Include about the AEA facilities (if it is part of the actual school). Also a performing arts center facilities section. You have assembled some great information, but lets make it more readable.
Done The word "high-tech" is meaningless and should be removed.
Done Of the 66 classrooms listed, are these all general classrooms, or are some of them science labs or other rooms?
DoneThe school features a number of science labs. This is not encyclopedic and should be removed.
DoneThe school's second floor cafeteria requires a private firm to operate the cooking equipment, including several walk-in freezers and a half-dozen pizza ovens. Much of this sentence is unnecessary. "The school's cafeteria is located on the second floor and is equipped with several walk-in freezers and a half-dozen pizza ovens."
Y Is there any more information about the cafeteria? Multiple lines? Offers health or non-health options? etc.
Done In the education field these days (due to technology) most all school libraries are called media centers. That sentence should be changed to "A centrally located Media Center is located on the first floor and includes modern computers and..." (fill in the rest, book collection, video collection, presentation space, etc?)
DoneThe Soaring Eagles are in North I, Group IV. should be changed to "The Soaring Eagles currently participate in North I, Group IV of the Hudson County Interscholastic League."
Does the school have sports other than football? If so why aren't they mentioned? Currently there is undue weight to football.
Has the school made any athletic achievement? Like a conference title, or regional title, etc that should be included (regardless of sport)?
Y Is there any relevant information that is notable and could be included about the track and field? (Since there is an Olympian as the head coach?
Y Anything else notable with athletics? This section is fairly short compared to most other GA articles about high schools.
That concludes my prose review. My recommendations are not requirements; you may have better ideas to fix issues I've described. Please if you have questions do not hesitate to ask me. If I have made a mistake or I have misunderstood, please let me know. The article is very close to GA-status, and just needs a little work. I look forward to soon promoting this article with all of your hard work. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 19:14, 8 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your review. I've implemented most of your suggested improvements. I do indeed have questions or requests for clarification:
A few sections have few to no sources, and there are some important facts that are not appropriately sourced.
Can you point out which ones to me?
Done You've taken care of those above. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Major aspects: The article needs a bit more of the major aspects of the school.
Which aspects are you referring to?
Done I should have phrased that differently, I meant that the article needed more general information. Good Articles must balance general and specific information. You've taken care of this in the above. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Is the Academy for Enrichment and Advancement part of UCHS?
I believe it is, which is why I included it, but I'll check with the school or the Board of Ed to confirm this.
This is important because the article doesn't identify one way or another and readers won't be able to either. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
When was the site turned into a playground? If you can find this, include the date.
I'll try to look for it.
Done Its okay if you cannot find this date. Not required, but it would help. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
When was the stadium torn down? Once again, if you can find this, include that information.
I can't seem to find sources that specify the exact date. I came across one article saying it would be torn down "very soon", but that article was dated December 7, 2004, so I can't even form a firm conclusion as to the year, because for all I know, it could've been just days or weeks after that article (December 2004) or the next month (January 2005). But I'll try to look for sources with specific dates.
Done Same as playground. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Why was the student sanctuary built? Was there planning? If you can find this information, it would be relevant to add to the article.
The Sanctuary was built to perform the functions that are described in the paragraph in question. Since it was a full construction project, obviously there had to be planning for it.
Done I should have phrased this better. Was there a specific need for the sanctuary? It was awful expensive just to create a serene hangout place. There is some reason it was built, especially since it was not completed at the same time as the rest of the building. If you cannot find this information, that's fine too. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I assume this means the completion of the construction of the school? If so, I would change it to "...marking the completion of the construction of the school buildings."
The Sanctuary is an open courtyard, with no large structures, so I understood it to mean the completion of the school as a whole unit, esp since the Sanctuary lies in front of the school and is people see when pass by it.
Done Once again, I should be better at phrasing my questions. The first time I read it, I thought the word completion was talking about the end of the school's existence. Maybe I'm the only person who would misunderstand that, but if not, it would've helped me for some clarification. This is fine if you think so. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure how important this section is. There is WP:UNDUE weight given to Kristine Nazzal. She does not pass WP:NOTABILITY and therefore her inclusion is not important or relevant to the school.
I felt that the achievements of the school's faculty with respect to its place in the county were at least as relevant as the students' academic achievements. Would it be a deal-breaker if I left her in?
I can understand wanting to keep achievements of the schools faculty in the article, but frankly the teacher is not notable. This section also gives undue weight. There is currently more information about this one teacher than there is about the notable Otis Davis. Davis has actual notability. I feel this information is not relevant to the school, its not notable, and it gives way too much space to a trivial piece of information. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Have you considered changing this section to a list and include current and past notable faculty, staff and students? Most Good Articles about school include a section like this toward the bottom of the article. Since the school has only recently been opened, you could include notable graduates from the past schools with a description saying they came from those schools.
Well, like you said, the school only opened in 2009, and there's only one faculty member who has his own article, so I don't know there would be enough for a list. I also don't think graduates from the past schools would be relevant to this one, as they are already listed in the Emerson Middle School and Union Hill Middle School articles.
Done Fair enough. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Consider talking about the general building first overall. Include why it looks like it does. What it looks like. How big it is, how many floors, etc.
I don't have information on that.
Done Okay. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Consider breaking this up into subsections. The first part should be the general and end with the media center. Then a sub-head for athletic complex. A student sanctuary section (with information moved from the history section). A NHCAC section. Include about the AEA facilities (if it is part of the actual school). Also a performing arts center facilities section.
I don't have information that could fill subsections on each of those things. If I did, I would've added it long ago. I don't have any information about the AEA facilities.
Done I meant just breaking it up for easier reading. Most of the information is already in the article and in that section, but currently its not broken up. If you don't think it should have subsections, I won't press further. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Of the 66 classrooms listed, are these all general classrooms, or are some of them science labs or other rooms?...Is there any more information about the cafeteria? Multiple lines? Offers health or non-health options? etc...Does the school have sports other than football?...Has the school made any athletic achievement? Like a conference title, or regional title, etc that should be included (regardless of sport)?...Is there any relevant information that is notable and could be included about the track and field? (Since there is an Olympian as the head coach?
I don't know. All I have is what's in the cited source(s). And I'm not into sports, so the only info I added to the Atheltics section was the second paragraph. Someone else added the first one. I do not believe the article indicates Otis Davis to be the head coach, only that he is a coach.
I'm disappointed in the lack of other sports being mentioned. Surely there are more sports offered than football, but as the article stands right now, not one is even mentioned as existing. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:32, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you again. I look forward to working with you to improve the article and get it up to GA snuff. :-) Nightscream (talk) 01:59, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I've read through the article one more time, and looked at my notes above. There are only a few things that are left before I can promote this:
We need to know if the Academy for Enrichment and Advancement is a part of the school. Judging by this bio of the AEA's assistant principal and house director I would say it is. Do you agree? If so, change the last sentence in the first paragraph in grade structure to something similar to "The Academy for Enrichment and Advancement (AEA), which is housed one block south on Kerrigan Avenue between 22nd and 23rd Streets, is a special interest academy that is part of the High School. The AEA provides classes for students of grades 9 - 12 who show interest in the fields of science and engineering." Include the current reference that you have.
I still think there is undue weight on the teacher, but if you feel she should be included, let's trim her information down to what is most relevant. "In July 2012, English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher Kristine Nazzal was named Hudson County's Teacher of the Year by the New Jersey Department of Education. Nazzal was among 300 teachers who appeared on the September 23, 2012 episode of NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams to discuss issues pertaining to education." or something similar.
There has to be some more information about athletics, even if it just a general paragraph about what sports are offered.
I'm sure that you can find even more, and probably better sources. There doesn't have to be a lot, and its okay if no championships are listed. But the article needs to be balanced and other sports at least mentioned even if it is just one additional sentence that says: "In addition to football, UCHS students participate in..."
After these final three points are addressed, I'm excited to promote this article! -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:59, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Let me know what you think. :-) Nightscream (talk) 21:54, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
My friend, I am very happy to say that this article now meets the requirements of being a Good Article. I am excited to promote it, and I congratulate on your hard work and putting up with my rigorous review. Thank you for your time and patience! -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 22:53, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
