Talk:Venric Mark/GA1

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Reviewer: Go Phightins! (talk · contribs) 04:25, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this page. Go Phightins! 04:25, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

*Is there any way to consolidate his three positions so it doesn't take up so many lines?

  • In the records section, how is it a reflection on him (not on the poor play of the Northwestern defense) that he has set a record with 9 kick returns in one game. That doesn't seem overly noteworthy.
  • Also in the records section, seeing that he's the current Northwestern kick returner, isn't it pretty obvious he'd be Northwestern's active career leader in kick return yards?
  • Other than that the infobox looks nice and comprehensive. Good work.
Lead

*The lead mentions a different record than the infobox...it says that he holds the career record for kickoff return yards whereas the infobox says that he holds the career (active) record. Which is it?

  • I don't think the lead does a very good job summarizing the early life section...it doesn't exactly lend due weight.
Early years

*Mention where Klein Forest H.S. is in that sentence.

  • In that next sentence, instead of "a private one", simply mention the name of the school to which he transferred.
  • I'm assuming we're talking track and field in that next sentence or two? Clarify please.
  • I'm going to dispute that Mark was expected to star for the team; he gets a one-sentence mention in the article and though it does call him a future star, I didn't take its meaning to be that he'd necessarily do so in the coming season. Perhaps I misread, though.
  • Is it necessary to say how many touchdowns he had called back due to penalty? Those don't count as touchdowns, and likely the penalties were holding, so he may not have scored without them.
    • It still takes an incredibly talented returner to score seven touchdowns seven times even if there was one illegal block or hold on each one.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:46, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Satisfied with this section.

College career

  • Check the capitalization of "co-Player of the Week"...that doesn't seem right to me.
  • Perhaps you could say he "recorded" x return yards rather than he "posted" them; it sounds better in context, in my opinion, though that's just a nit-picky suggestion.
  • How is the blocked-punt return for TD mention relevant to Mark as a player?
  • Link (or redlink as it would seem to meet if an article doesn't exist) Lee Gissendaner.
  • On a more broad, general note, it seems to me that the entire college career section is a bit awkward to read. It's wording seems a bit convoluted at times, and I'm just wondering if there's a way to make it a tad less ambiguous and/or wordy, particularly in the 2012 section.

Personal
  • "preteen" should be "pre-teen", I believe
  • Other than that, this section looks good.
    • Whatever, not a huge deal. Section is fine.
References
  • My spot-check doesn't turn anything up...good work here.

That's all I've got right now. I'm assuming there are no free images of him on the Commons? Go Phightins! 04:46, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


All right, I'm still a little concerned that the lead doesn't give a terrific preview of the article, but other than that, this looks excellent. Go Phightins! 01:40, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You know what? It's fine. I don't know what I was thinking, but I just re-read it and it certainly looks GA quality. Closing and listing. Congrats on what must be your 100th GA by now! Go Phightins! 01:42, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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