Template:Did you know nominations/Ōyama Sutematsu
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 14:33, 3 July 2020 (UTC)
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Ōyama Sutematsu
Ōyama Sutematsu (on left)
- ... that Ōyama Sutematsu (pictured) was eleven years old when the Japanese government sent her on the Iwakura Mission to receive a Western education on behalf of Japan? Source: "In December 1871, when she was eleven years old, Yamakawa was sent to the United States for study, as part of the Iwakura Mission."
- ALT1:... that the first Japanese woman to earn a college degree (pictured) married a general who had besieged her hometown? Source: "his military activity included serving as an artilleryman during the bombardment of Yamakawa's hometown of Aizu. He later liked to joke that Yamakawa had made the bullet which struck him during that battle."
Improved to Good Article status by Oulfis (talk). Self-nominated at 09:21, 30 May 2020 (UTC).
- Oh, I can't figure out how to add it to the nomination now, but there are several really interesting images of Ōyama, such as this one which could be nice to include. (Sorry, I'm new to DYK and only just learning the ropes!) ~ oulfis 🌸(talk) 09:29, 30 May 2020 (UTC)
@Oulfis: Welcome to DYK! New enough promotion of a GA. QPQ exempt. Image in public domain and allowed for use. One thing: you must have a citation in the article at the sentence that justifies your hook claim. For ALT0 (the main hook), there is no citation on the accompanying sentence. ALT1 is fine (assuming good faith on the offline source) as it has citations there, but I want you to also be able to fix ALT0 first. Raymie (t • c) 06:01, 26 June 2020 (UTC)
- Thank you! It is addressed now. The detail on their departure is from p 62 of Nimura. Looking at these again the first one is maybe "hookier" if worded like so:
- ALT2:... that Ōyama Sutematsu (pictured), the first Japanese woman to earn a college degree, was eleven years old when the Japanese government sent her on the Iwakura Mission to receive an American education?
- But I am happy with any hook which seems interesting to someone who isn't already familiar with Ōyama. Let me know if there is anything else I should do for this nomination, and thank you for reviewing it! ~ oulfis 🌸(talk) 18:17, 28 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Oulfis: Perhaps removing the second instance of "Japanese" from ALT2 would improve the flow and remove redundancy. ALT0/ALT2/etc. are okay AGF with the added citation. Raymie (t • c) 06:20, 29 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Raymie: Hm, I think the second instance of "Japanese" in ALT2 is necessary -- she could have been sponsored by the American government, for example -- but I think there are other ways to improve the wording. I've tried a few others below but I think there are diminishing returns for continuing to fiddle with the wording. ~ oulfis 🌸(talk) 21:35, 2 July 2020 (UTC)
- ALT3:... that Ōyama Sutematsu (pictured), the first Japanese woman to earn a college degree, was eleven years old when she was sent with the Iwakura Mission to receive an American education on behalf of Japan?
- ALT4:... that Ōyama Sutematsu (pictured) was eleven years old when she was sent with the Iwakura Mission to receive an American education on behalf of Japan?
