Template:Did you know nominations/Andrew McClary

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:24, 14 June 2016 (UTC)

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Andrew McClary[edit]

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Andrew McClary
Andrew McClary

Created by Gwillhickers (talk). Self-nominated at 04:33, 13 May 2016 (UTC).

  • The article is both new enough and long enough. Sources are cited inline at least every paragraph. The hook is well-cited, appropriately interesting, and meets length guidelines. QPQ done. Image is in the public domain. I have concerns with language that strikes me as non-encyclopedic, although it may not rise to the level of WP:POV. Examples include: "exhibited a unique literary and writing style", "which at that time required bravery and endeavor", "began to distinguish himself for his resolution and patriotism", etc. Also, there seem to be some issues with close paraphrasing, including "an officer in Robert Roger's famous company of New Hampshire Rangers, and finally, as he gained experience and caution, was chosen to be the leader in all local expeditions against the Indians" (http://www.usgennet.org/usa/nh/town/epsom/history/McClary.htm), "She was commissioned by the state of New Hampshire on September 2, 1776, and was arm with eight cannons and six swivel guns" and "depicted as raising his musket to shoot the British soldier attempting to bayonet the mortally wounded Warren" (https://almostchosenpeople.wordpress.com/tag/major-andrew-mcclary/; which, by the way, may fail WP:RS as a self-published source). The overall prose in the article could also use some work. It reads awkwardly in places and uses some unexpected capitalization. It really needs a thorough copyedit. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 21:19, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
Many thanks for your thorough review. Okay, I specified that McClary's "unique" writing style is that of the opinion of historian J. French, which is the source used for the statement. I struck the phrase "which at that time required bravery and endeavor". I believe the statement "began to distinguish himself for his resolution and patriotism" is a fair evaluation, but mentioned that "it is said" per the source used to cite the statement. Did some rewording in places that needed it per your concern for close paraphrasing. Also fixed capitalization issues. Will review for improvements on prose -- if you would cite any examples that you feel really need it, this would be a big help also. Again, many thanks. -- Gwillhickers (talk) 21:50, 17 May 2016 (UTC)
I'm going to say this is probably in good enough shape for DYK now. In fact, having it featured there might attract some good copy editors. If not, you might request the assistance of the Guild of Copy Editors. This article is clearly a worthy addition to Wikipedia. Thanks for contributing. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 13:47, 18 May 2016 (UTC)
@PFHLai: No it isn't, but that's a great suggestion! -- If this can be effected without gumming up the works I say, yes, let's do it. -- Gwillhickers (talk) 23:28, 21 May 2016 (UTC)
OK, I'm moving the nom template to T:TDYK#Special occasion holding area now. Thanks. --PFHLai (talk) 01:36, 22 May 2016 (UTC)
Thanks !! With June 17th in mind I'll go through the Battle of Bunker Hill main article and see about if any improvements or additions are needed there, as I suspect that article will also have a marked increase in views come that day. -- Gwillhickers (talk) 18:41, 22 May 2016 (UTC)
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