Template:Did you know nominations/Fortifications of Xi'an
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by The Squirrel Conspiracy (talk) 22:19, 5 December 2015 (UTC)
| DYK toolbox |
|---|
Fortifications of Xi'an[edit]
Xi'an City Wall
- ... that Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States, visited the Xi'an City Wall (pictured) in March 2014, describing it as: "a wall that has withstood war and famine and the rise and fall of dynasties"?
5x expanded by Nvvchar,SusunW (talk). Self-nominated at 07:13, 19 November 2015 (UTC).
Article was expanded from about 200 words to over 1200 between 15 and 19 November, it's long enough, and follows all policies. There are some issues with language and sentence structure, but nothing that can't be fixed easily enough. My only problem with the nomination is the hook, which a) isn't worded very well (which I have modified), and b) isn't all that interesting. May I suggest:
- ALT1: ... that the ancient fortifications of Xi'an were used as air raid shelters in World War II?
- To my mind this is an interesting juxtaposition of an ancient military defence still being used in a modern war. Certainly more interesting than some boilerplate political speech. --Yeti Hunter (talk) 23:00, 26 November 2015 (UTC)
- Yeti Hunter Thanks for the review. I have copy edited the text. Your hook suggestion is definitely more interesting and I accept it.Nvvchar. 02:03, 27 November 2015 (UTC)
- I have reviewed the changes but unfortunately the article still needs work. There are numerous fragmented sentences, awkward wordings and malapropisms (eg in the lead, "it has been refurnished" - presumably the word "refurbished" was intended). At first I thought it would be a quick fix but the more I read it the more I think it will need quite a substantial rewording. Perhaps drop a line at the Guild of WP:COPYEDITORS to help you out? Also, another editor will need to approve my hook suggestion - an alternate hook cannot be approved by either the nominator or the editor who suggests it. --Yeti Hunter (talk) 11:58, 2 December 2015 (UTC)
- Yeti Hunter With c/e inputs by User:SusunW the above issues have been addressed. Pl see.Nvvchar. 04:09, 3 December 2015 (UTC)
With those changes the article is in much better condition. It is ready to go once another editor approves the alternate hook.--Yeti Hunter (talk) 05:17, 3 December 2015 (UTC)
- Yeti Hunter Thanks for the review. I have copy edited the text. Your hook suggestion is definitely more interesting and I accept it.Nvvchar. 02:03, 27 November 2015 (UTC)
