User:LuckyIrish49

Jeffery K. Archer Jr.

Jeffery "Jeff" Archer, given life September 11, 1988, was born in Ann Arbor Michigan to Jeffery and Cali Archer. Until the age of 9, Jeff did not say a word. His parents were mesmerized by this and took him to many speech therapists. His parents belived that he was mute. Until his first words "I am man, hear me roar."

Jeff, after high school at Norman North, joined the National Guard where on his first mission saved a Norman Pre-School from a litter of kittens who has escaped from the local shelter. He was commended for his actions and given the Key to the City. Jeff currently attends the University of Oklahoma.

Television Appearances

Jeff, although not realistically interesting, plays "The Most Interesting Man in the World" in popular Dos Equis beer commercials. He came up with interesting slogans like "I may not always go out, but when I do I always drink Dos Equis" and "I always drink Dos Equis because its the best bottle to use during bar fights." The commercial sequences are only loosely based off his life. Because true events are far too unbelievable and much too interesting for the commercials.

Also, The TV series "Archer" is about a segment of his life far too classified to be revealed here. Instead, a multimillion dollar television project is shown on Cartoon Network, depicting a four year stint of his life as a Cold War Hero.

Jeff also appeared in an episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" as Will's funny friend who tries to make the basketball team with him. Jeff ends up making the team while Will does not.

High School

During an AP Exam for US History Jeff set world record time for finishing his exam in 15 seconds. After receiving his exam he quickly wrote "I am the United States of America, Bitch" and signed his name. Jeff received a 5+1 on the exam The Highest score ever credited. The writer of the test asked the grader why he received a 5+1 (before having seen his exam) and responded, "He wrote all I needed to know about American History...and his penmanship was perfect."

College

After turning down acceptances to all Ivy League schools as well as MIT, Stanford, and Rhode Island School of Design, Jeff chose to attend the University of Oklahoma. When asked by an interviewer of The Oklahoma Daily, the University of Oklahoma school newspaper, by who he is regularly interviewed. He said "A degree is just a piece of paper. Why pay four times as much for information I already know." No one believed this. And though it to be an arrogant statement.

As it turns out Archer is a part-time columnist for the Wall Street Journal. And was asked by Ben Bernanke, the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, to be part of his National Economic Recover Board. He is credited with saving the American Economy. And quite possibly the world.

He attends classes regularly for "respect and solidarity" of his classmates rather than for the curriculum. Jeff has never made lower than an A letter on a test except for one occasion. when asked by his classmates to help the class curve. He made an 89.9. His current GPA is a 4.0.

Fraternity Life

Jeff is a current member of all active fraternities at OU. Although this is normally against regulation, the Intrafraternity Council agreed that he was too much of an asset for one chapter to lose. However, he did not join Kappa Sigma due to an unknown squabble with one member during rush. The chapter quickly dissolved. And current and former members are ashamed to associated with the group.

He chose the Oklahoma Alpha Phi Delta Theta chapter as his primary fraternity and currently resides in Room 28 with a roommate, Dumbwhore Roath. Although he holds no official executive position, since his initiation (which was immediately after finding the basement during his first week of pledgeship) he has not missed an Executive Committee Meeting. The meeting does not start until he is there (Let it be stated that he has never been late). Jeff has been a prominent member of the chapter and has been credited with most achievements of the fraternity since his initiation.

Politcal Career

After being commissioned in the Great Navy of Oklahoma. Rear Admiral Archer fought diligently in small conflict with Cuba. After surrounding the island with his fleet Admiral Archer relinquished the small island from his grasp. He demanded the hauls of his vessels be filled with Cuban cigars, rum, and women. The demands were met immediately for fear of total annihilation.

After the four day battle; it was seen that no casualties were lost on either side, and that America indeed had conquered the island. Fearing that the States might abuse this newly acquired territory, Archer, Simply gave it back. With the condition that Fidel Castro go quietly into the night forever. No one has seen or heard from him since. It is speculated that he traveled through space and time to another Universe via Brenaahor (pronounced Brainwhore) Roaths De-String Theory Quantum Mechanics.