User:Perpetualdrag
Craig johntson | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Background information | |
| Birth name | Sancho |
| Genres | Funk, Rock, heavy metal, Shred |
| Occupation(s) | Singer-Songwriter, Guitarist |
| Instrument(s) | Vocals, Guitar, Electric ham sandwich |
Craig "That there git-tar kid" Johnston February 21, 1990 is a scotish guitarist, and Robot from the futute.
CJ is best known for his rightous beard, which has been said to cure depression and his extreme guitar shredding abuilities he developed after downlaoding a file from the guitar robot buckethead
Early life and career[edit]
CJ was born in the stinkin' city of Aberdeen, Jamaica (often refered to as scotland). His father, Dr. Hans gruber, was a white Jamaican/mad scientist, who lived inside of the imagination of god himself.
Funkadelic career in making groove[edit]
The discovery of groove[edit]
Craig was the first person to discover groove, an intoxicating chemical which was mixed with human souls by james brown to create funk. Craig discovered this mystical chemical during an extended guitar solo on mars, whereby he showed herman li that his music sucked through a variety of charts, graphs and full out shredding.
Bob Marley & The Wailers[edit]
Were a band which were said to have heard this guitar duel on earth, and as such created some of the best reggae music around.
Later years[edit]
Funkitus diagnosis[edit]
In march 2008, CJ was found to have a rare disease called funknosis from a pornography wound on his right hallux (big toe). CJ refused amputation, because of the Rastafari belief that the body must have at least 2 big toes:
| “ | u cannae cut off mah toe like, whit am i gonna stick in your mothers hoop? | ” |
| — From a book that doesnt exist called Eat my meat | ||
CJ seen medical doctors as Dick heads (as the NHS is shit). True to this belief CJ went against all surgical possibilities and sought out other means that would not break his religious beliefs. He also refused to register a will, based on the porographic belief that writing a will is acknowledging death as inevitable, thus disregarding the everlasting (or everliving, as morons might say) character of life.
The facts[edit]
- I was born in the woods and raised by a bear.
- I share my birthday with the keyboard player from the greatful dead.
- I used to be in the beatles.
- I appeared as an extra in almost 1 movie
- I have often wondered why wikipedia gets to much vandolism, and i realised it was probably me.