User:Quercus solaris/Tyrosine and thyroxine are related, but their names aren't

Given the well-known cognation of both t-th and i-y across English-Romance correlations, it struck me that the chain of semantic relation seen in tyrosine → thyronine → thyroxine → thyroid must probably reflect a parallel chain of cognate relation. Of course I immediately turned to some reference works to confirm. What I reconfirmed instead was the perversity of our universe.

No, no, stupid child—said the universe, as it were, trout-slapping me—the tiro- of tirosina comes from cheese, whereas the tiro- of tiroxina is that of tiroides, which is an entirely different sort of tiro- that comes from shields. Fuck you, kid.

Well, at least now you know why the Germans call it the shield gland. You see, Wharton (of jelly fame) named the gland thus because it was shaped like a shield, even though a standard trick of modern anatomy lessons is to point out that it's shaped like a butterfly. And it's funny you mention butterflies, because the butter in their name does in fact come from butter, whether or not it ought to, but their name is famous for not being cognate across languages, and noteworthy lack of cognation is a theme that's more germane to this discussion. However, it's funny you mention butter, because when you look up the tyro- in tyrosine, you find out it's got to do with cheese, and you're told to go look at butter for more information. That's how you come to know that the /bu/ + /ter/ of butter corresponds to cow cheese.

Cheese and rice! I said. By now, am I glad I asked?

Well, now—the universe replied—I'm glad you brought up cheese, rice, butter, and jelly, because—what were we talking about? Oh, right—a spot of t. And the dots of i's. And butterflies—but time flies, and flies leave spots, which are little black dots, just like i's have. They leave them on the walls, which is interesting because a fly on the wall is a symbol of how the walls can have eyes and ears. And speaking of the dots of i's, it takes four I's to make one molecule of thyroxine—four ions dotted about the molecule, which is why it's called T4 (speaking of t). T-4-2? Don't mind if I do! However, speaking of four-eyes, it takes geeks to figure out how molecules are made, and weeks to explain how they did it.

Did I mention, continued the universe, that I'm bat-shit nuts? I'm glad you mentioned nuts, though. Tree nuts and cheese—good for protein, speaking of amino acids. And therefore nutritious—speaking of nuts. And speaking of nutrition and of the thyroid, did you realize that the thyroid is one of the keys to growth and development? And not less to maintenance. It'll shield you from atrophy. That's why it's named after a shield, and it's also why the maintenance man has so many keys. No, wait—that's not why it's named after a shield. It's named thus because it's shaped like one. Not like a key. But it's true that shields, locks, and keys all do protect us. They're all icons of security. They all protect us—and may God keep you. May the four ions protect you, or especially the three, and may the three icons represent their protection.

Where was I? asked the universe. Oh yes—Did I mention how insane I am? We were talking about the maintenance of health, and I brought up my sanity. But the maintenance of health, or as the French call it, santé, is always worth exploring, because it's cheaper than the restoration. At least that was the original idea behind health maintenance organizations. Eventually they just devolved into mere haggling mechanisms. But speaking of devolution and the restoration and the French, don't mention the restoration to the French. It makes them sigh.

Speaking of exploring, aren't you glad you asked?

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