User talk:Heinev1/sandboxdraft

Instructor Comments on Draft/Peer Review 2

Camsara99 thanks for a great peer review that has solid suggestions for improving the clarity and content. Good job! Grade: 14/15.

Heinev1 you have done a truly impressive amount of work on this second draft. I'm blown away! You are really shining with this assignment, and making my job a lot easier when it comes to grading. I'm very impressed with the organization you've done with this article, I think it's an excellent improvement on the original and I know how much time and effort that takes. Keep up the outstanding work as you add the content to the final sections you outlined below. Fantastic job! Grade: 15/15. Gardneca (talk) 13:29, 25 March 2020 (UTC)

Response to Peer Review #2

Thank you so much for the comments! I've gone through and began to fix some of the repetition that you pointed out. Moving into the next phases of this article, I will add more to the peregrini portion and the non-roman citizens in general. As well, from the first peer review, I will continue to expand on the section about women. I will also watch out specifically for repetition! Heinev1 (talk) 19:47, 17 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review #2

Overall this article is neutral, presented in a good and logical way, and all of the information is relevant. I’ve picked out some specific issues below. I would recommend that you watch for issues such as these throughout the rest of the article, particularly for any sections which sound repetitive. For future work I would suggest potential expansions of the Non-Roman Citizens Section and the “Peregrini” section if you have the sources for it. You’ve done some great work, keep adding as you have been and keep what I’ve suggested in mind!

The sentence “which complicated the social composition of Rome” is a bit confusing to me. What exactly do you mean by “social composition of Rome? Don’t be afraid to be a little more in depth.

The section beginning with “Traditionally, the word patrician refers to members of the Roman upper class, while plebeian refers to lower class. Economic differentiation in Rome saw a small number of families accumulate most of the wealth in Rome,” Becomes very repetitive in its use of Rome. I know it can’t always be avoided, but maybe in this situation change the end to “accumulate most of the wealth in the country”. Keep the potential for repetition and correcting it in mind as you keep writing.

“for the first few hundred years of Rome's existence, until 444 BCE.” First part of this sentence is not necessary. You can cut “for the first few hundred years of Rome's existence”

This is just a picky thing, but in writing you should use the typed out version of the number instead of the numeral. In the plebian section you’ve written “2nd century BCE.” and I would change it to “second century BCE.”

“Slaves that were found to be sick or defective would often be sold. They were often sold for very little, if anything.” Repetitive again Camsara99 (talk) 19:33, 14 March 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback on Draft/Peer Review 1

KJ18818 thanks for your great review. You give your peer some really helpful suggestions for improvement, which can be difficult on a draft that is generally very well done! Don't qualify your suggestions as nitpicky - you are there to help! Something to remember for your next eer review, don't be apologetic for doing your job. I'm glad you gave suggestions for the overall content as well as the grammar/style, but you could have expanded upon both, for example perhaps with a brief suggestion as to how you would reorganize the sections. Overall, great work! Grade: 19/20 Gardneca (talk) 16:52, 5 March 2020 (UTC)

Heinev1 excellent work so far! I'm very impressed with how much content you added, and to so many different sections. Really well done. Overall your writing style and sentence structure are really clear and easy to understand, which means you'll only have to do minimal proofreading for the final product. In the next round of draft edits, be sure to incorporate your reviewer's suggestions, particularly with the grammatical comments. I also really like their suggestion of organizing (perhaps 'slaves and freedmen' could be under one larger heading, or maybe paterfamilias and women could be grouped together under a gender-based social roles heading?) and adding to the women's section. Keep up the excellent work! Grade: 20/20 Gardneca (talk) 16:52, 5 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review

Hi Heinev1! Overall this looks great to me, I just have a few nitpicky suggestions to add, but I think you've done a great job at filling in some missing information and adding to what was already there, as well as coming up with your own contributions. My first suggestion is probably the most complicated to do, but I think the section organization could be updated to address the flow of the article. I'd be interested in a bit more expansion on the topic of women as well (if you think there is anything else that should be added, of course!). I had a great time reading your article though!! Good job :)

Now for the nitpicky comments:

1) Lead Section: "Social class in ancient Rome was hierarchical, and there were multiple and overlapping social hierarchies, and an individual's relative position in one might be higher or lower than in another, making the social composition of Rome complicated.[1]"

This sentence feels a bit bulky, perhaps consider breaking it up (for example: "Social class in ancient Rome was hierarchical, with multiple and overlapping social hierarchies. An individual's relative position in one might be higher or lower than in another, which complicated the social composition of Rome."

2) Patricians and Plebeians Section: Here I would specify that Patrician/Plebeian refers to the members of the respective classes (i.e Patrician refers to members of the Roman Upper Class" in order to avoid any possible confusion. "No matter how" could be elevated to "Regardless of" or "Irrespective of" 3) Patricians Sub-section: Where you state "for the first few hundred years," I would add a date if one is available to give extra credibility to the statement.

4) Paterfamilias: - add a space between "the paterfamilias" - perhaps add a few citations for the first few statements

5) Slaves: "Slaves that were found to be sick or defective would often be sold for what they were worth, if anything" - this sentence is a bit confusing and could be clarified

That's all I really have to say about it, great work! I'm looking forward to reading the finished product. KJ18818 (talk) 20:28, 29 February 2020 (UTC)