User talk:Immcarle10
Peer Review by Immcarle1 (Dani Andrusko)[edit]
Really difficult topic to tackle so good job with all your major revisions!
Sources. The first paragraph needs a source on its last sentence and the third paragraph’s last sentence discussing various drugs needs a source. Additionally the second paragraph beginning with "FcRn-mediated transcytosis..." does not have a citation until the very last sentence. I think you need to include at least 1-2 more near the beginning and middle of the paragraph to validate all of the information. Lastly I would try and include 1-2 more sources that are more current than 2011. You have two 2015 papers and a 2013 paper however I think you need more. The majority of your sources are dated and Debby suggested 2011 or newer would keep the article relevant.
Paragraph 1 Why is it important that we draw similarities to the MHC? Is the neonatal receptor similar in function or are you just simply saying that this relatively less well-known receptor is physically similar to the better-known MHC? From my own knowledge, the MHC is binding peptides and interacting with DCs and T cells wheras "Fc" receptor indicates that this molecule is interacting with antibodies? I'm unclear of the connection between the two.
Paragraph 2 This paragraph doesn’t have a grounding topic sentence. The end of your first paragraph had me thinking about babies and pregnancy and then you throw me into epithelial cells in the intestine. How do these two topics relate? I am unsure where this epithelial crossing is occurring, mom or baby? I think you could be clearer by restating a version of the second sentence of your first paragraph without sounding redundant. You do this in the topic sentence of the next paragraph nicely. Finally, why is this intestinal transport important?
The HIV sentence does not fit into this paragraph. Again, I feel as though you are jumping from one body system to another: intestine to genitals?
I would suggest rewording your sentence to remove the parenthesis because they are distracting. Change “Therefore, FcRn can bind IgG from the intestinal lumen (the inside of the gut thtat is at aslightly acidic pH) and ensure efficient unidirectional transport to the basolateral side (inside the body) where the pH is neutral to basic (…). To “Therefore FcRn can bind IgG from the slightly acidic intestinal lumen and facilitate unidirectional transport to the neutral cells within tissues.
Paragraph 3 Instead of the word “salvage” I would say “recovery”. You refer to Fc receptors throughout the paragraph however I am unclear whether you are referring to your specific neonatal Fc receptor or just Fc receptors in general? I think talking about Fc receptors in general is off topic. Rather you should discuss the specifics of the neonatal Fc receptor. Make this more apparent by writing “FcRn” every time you mention “Fc”. Also, why is the maintenance of IgG important? I think since the main function of this receptor is to keep IgG from being destroyed it’s worth mentioning.
General If we retain neonatal receptors throughout our life, why is it called neonatal then? For me when I hear neonatal, I think of babies. So the fact that this receptor plays a role throughout adulthood in our intestine and kidneys etc and can have nothing to do with placenta/baby making is counterintuitive. Is this receptor expressed differently in males and females? Does expression change over a female’s lifetime as she enters and exits motherhood/fertility? I’m not sure if that’s something you could address directly but that’s what I am left wondering after reading the article.
Immcarle1 (talk) 01:14, 26 February 2016 (UTC)
Welcome![edit]
Hello, Immcarle10, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
Handouts
|
|---|
Additional Resources
|
|
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:24, 9 January 2016 (UTC)
- Hello, Immcarle10, I am Immcarle25! I am excited for this class, and especially excited for this assignment. I have always wanted to work on a Wikipedia page, and now I will have that opportunity! Immcarle25 (talk) 03:43, 12 January 2016 (UTC)
- Thanks for posting to my page, Immcarle25! I'm still trying to get the hang of it but am definitely enjoying it so far! Immcarle10 (talk) 21:50, 16 January 2016 (UTC)
- Hello, Immcarle10, I am Immcarle25! I am excited for this class, and especially excited for this assignment. I have always wanted to work on a Wikipedia page, and now I will have that opportunity! Immcarle25 (talk) 03:43, 12 January 2016 (UTC)