User talk:Turner.Sale
Turner.Sale, you are invited to the Teahouse![edit]
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Hi Turner.Sale! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
Delivered by HostBot on behalf of the Teahouse hosts 16:03, 31 January 2017 (UTC) |
Welcome![edit]
Hello, Turner.Sale, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:51, 31 January 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review[edit]
I like the direction that you are planning on taking this article, the only way to get to the bottom of the deaths in custody is to determine what custody is. After finishing to establish this I feel as if the nature of the article that you are editing is mostly a list of people who have died in custody rather than a traditional article. Consequently, all I think you can do at this point is do some research into deaths in custody that have not been put on the page or perhaps find some intiatives resisting this trend or actions by certain police departments to combat this issue. Finally a few more links to other applicable wikipedia pages would add to the visibility and informational value of the page. Great work so far, I don't think I would have been able to make such progress on such a broad topic! Spbacon (talk) 14:47, 8 March 2017 (UTC)
Spencer Tibbals' Peer Review:
This is certainly great progress and you have added a great deal of information to really paint the picture of (as Spbacon said) such a broad topic. I like how you've gone about organizing your information, but to me it may seem more logical to start out with the definition of custody before going into causes of death (it's a simple edit; just switch the two). One thing I might consider adding is more information about foreign deaths in custody. Given that you gave a definition for what it means to be in domestic custody, you might want to also define what it means to be in foreign custody. This might clear the picture a little bit, as I imagine that the rules and procedures involved in foreign custody are slightly different, especially with regards to POW camps and war zones. It may also help to limit possible bias with regards to military treatment of foreign citizens.
Additionally, this is just an idea, but when you list the people who have died in custody it may be helpful to add context to their names. Sandra Bland and Freddie Gray, for example, were very high profile deaths which as you know generated a great deal of media coverage and political debate. So it may be prudent to add "High Profile" to your "Examples of those who have died in custody," or you can actually just write a few notes next to some of their names in order to alert the reader that these are no ordinary cases of deaths in custody. All you'd be doing is helping to paint a more nuanced picture of your topic. Also in the estimates section it might be helpful to include more signal phrases with regards to the research, as you did with the Bureau of Justice Statistics. Obviously they are cited at the end of the sentence but a qualifier would be helpful to the reader in order to better ascertain whether the source is reliable, and what exactly the magnitude or critical reception of that source was.
Overall, really great additions. It was well organized and had a scholarly tone to it. Stibbals (talk) 18:38, 9 March 2017 (UTC)