Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Military history of Canada/archive1

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Military history of Canada[edit]

Mostly a self nom. This was a former candidate some months ago. Since then I've tried to resolve the remaining objections, and others have also made several improvements. - SimonP 00:29, 6 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

  • neutral support- I think the post-WWII section could be expanded a bit. It mentions peacekeeping, but does not mention the varying degree to which Canada has been commited to this. I think there could be some discussion of funding levels and operational problems in recent years, as well as other issues such as sovereignty assertion in the far north. The Cold War section is a bit sparse on details, I don't think it even mentions that troops were stationed in Europe as part of the defence of Europe. Discussion of WWI and the inter-war period is also a little bit sparse. Other than that all very good. Peregrine981 12:02, 9 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'd like to point out that this is a summary article that's already approaching 50k, so I think further expansion would be a mistake. Separate articles should treat the details you are talking about. --Spangineer (háblame) 19:19, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've added a bit on this, but I feel that most of the details of the evolution of the Canadian Forces are better covered in the history section of the Canadian Forces article. There is something of a difference between the "military history of Canada" and the "history of Canada's military." This article is the former, while the section the CF article is the latter. - SimonP 19:44, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Neutral, but... I do not think it is yet a worthy candidate article, but no doubt can be (definitely moreso that another nomination). This article should be refined and enhanced: it's sufficiently different from Canadian Armed Forces, and (should be) detailed enough to satiate inquiring minds. Perhaps a clearly temporal overview and slight reorganisation of some content are required. E Pluribus Anthony 07:15, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
    • Yay! I'm elated the article has been nominated! Thanks and congrats to everyone. As well, one suggestion: I recommend the picture for inclusion on the main page be the The Death of General Wolfe painting appearing further down in the article (as it's rather well-known), not the 'Vimy' picture up-top. Merci! E Pluribus Anthony 08:15, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, but three minor comments. The War of 1812 section doesn't have a "see main article" heading. Is there a reason why not? Also, an entire article could easily be devoted to Canadian peacekeeping. I don't need someone to go write that article before supporting this nomination, but it would be nice if even a stub were to be created. Also, there is no mention of the White Paper of Defence, which I would have expected. Perhaps that is extraneous detail. Jkelly 00:12, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
    • Spangineer has kindly added a see main heading to 1812. I agree having an article on Canadian peacekeeping would be great, but that isn't really my area of expertise. As to the White Paper, as mentioned above, the organizational details are already covered at Canadian Forces. - SimonP 19:44, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support--Cyberjunkie | Talk 09:38, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, very nice summary article. Further expansion is not necessary; the article is already quite long. Trimming some sections would be nice, but difficult, so I think it's ok as it is. --Spangineer (háblame) 19:10, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support ... Looks good CanadianGuy 02:48, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Object. Sorry, I feel like a spoiler on this FAC list, but the guidelines do say 'compelling, even brilliant' prose. Here are some examples of things that need to be fixed in the lead. I'm trying to encourage you to find collaborators who are distant from the text ('fresh eyes'), who will go through the whole text to make it kinder to the reader.
    • Opening sentence: 'The military history of Canada includes both those military actions centred on the territory encompassing modern Canada, and participation of the Canadian military in conflicts, and also in peacekeeping, around the world.'
      • 'includes' means that there are other functions you're not telling us about; if this is not the case, use 'comprises' or 'consists of' instead.
      • Why not remove 'those'?
      • Can 'centred on' be replaced with just 'in'? (Think of your poor readers.)
      • Insert 'the' before 'participation'?
      • 'in conflicts, and also in peacekeeping, around the world'—why not 'in conflicts and peacekeeping around the world' (so much nicer to read).
    • Second sentence: 'For many millennia, the area that would become Canada was the site of inter-tribal wars among First Nations groups. The arrival of Europeans led to conflicts between them and the Natives and also the importation of European conflicts to the New World.'
      • Remove 'many' as redundant, and because it's a jingle (en, en).
      • 'First Nations groups'—the double plural doesn't sound right.
      • The referent of 'them' is unclear, although I guess you mean the Europeans. (Could be the First Nation groups.)
      • Remove 'also' and insert 'to', but see next bullet ...
      • The importation bit is clumsy—why not 'and brought European ...'—nice and simple. But do you mean conflicts between the European groups, or European techniques of waging war?

Phew, that's two sentences. There's lots of work to do.

Tony 03:17, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I've gone through the whole text, oh boy, a big job. Next time, please seek help before nominating the article. Tony

  • Object, as with last time. Anecdote: I check the article this morning to see what it has to say about the North-West Rebellion. Here's a precious nugget of "compelling, even brilliant prose":
    • "The Rebellion saw a series of battles between the Métis and their allies against the Militia and North West Mounted Police, from which the government forces emerging victorious."
      • Wow, I'm sold. Oh, and it doesn't help that Dominion forces actually lost every battle until Batoche. Albrecht 16:43, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
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