Wikipedia:Peer review/2008 Bahrain Grand Prix/archive1
2008 Bahrain Grand Prix[edit]
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I can't really think of a rationale for this, other than to say that I want to get it to GA level. The 'Race' section is a little short, but I'm confident that with Diniz's help it is comprehensive. That says more about the quality of the race than the quality of the article :). Thanks in advance for the comments, Apterygial 23:44, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
- AlexJ's Peer Review
Lead
- "The Ferraris then dominated at the front of the race, guaranteeing their one-two finish." - Kinda hard to explain why this doesn't sound right. I think it's because it suggests a direct connection between dominating a race and guaraneeting a 1-2 finish, a car can dominate a race and blow up on the last lap.
- "Hamilton stalled on the grid" - not 100% true. He put the car into a position where it would have stalled but the anti-stall kicked in (which basically dips the clutch in for the driver). Once an F1 car stalls, it needs a mechanic to get it going again. Need to address it differently.
- "The McLaren driver later ran into the back of Fernando Alonso's Renault" - It wasn't much later was it? The very next lap IIRC.
Background
- "Ferrari, McLaren–Mercedes, Renault, Honda, Force India, BMW Sauber, Toyota, Red Bull Racing, Williams Toro Rosso and Super Aguri." - Williams and Toro Rosso needs a comma. BTW, any particular ordering to the team list?
- "Ferrari driver Kimi Räikkönen was second with 11 points. Behind them in the Drivers' Championship, Nick Heidfeld was third, also with 11 points, in a BMW Sauber" - I guess it's personal choice whether you choose to class KR and NH as tied for 2nd or use the tiebreaker to separate them.
Race
- That photo at the start of this section, that's one of the best F1 photos I think I've seen on Wikipedia. Stunning shot! Anyway...
- "Hamilton stalled his car from third, and was passed by six drivers to fall back to ninth." - Again, this needs to be redone.
- "Hamilton's anti-stall system kicked in" Someone really needs to write an Anti-stall article, or at least add it to Formula One car or Stall (engine). Technically inclined I am not. Apterygial 02:38, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
- Do you think it would work better as something like "Hamilton had problems at the start which led to his anti-stall system kicked in, and was passed by six drivers to fall back to ninth.". That sentence is probably too long, but it adds a bit of context/reasoning to the anti-stall activating. AlexJ (talk) 14:49, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
- "Hamilton's anti-stall system kicked in" Someone really needs to write an Anti-stall article, or at least add it to Formula One car or Stall (engine). Technically inclined I am not. Apterygial 02:38, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
- "rear-ended" - Sounds a bit informal. Hit the back of?
- "who set the fastest lap of the race on lap 49, a 1:33.193" - "with a time of 1:33:193"
Post-race
- Quotebox "It didn't change anything starting second because we had a good a start." - seems wrong, but both the FOM and GrandPrix.com websites have the same transcription.
- Hamilton said that his stall on the grid at the start of the race was his own fault" - his 'attempted' stall ;)
You know the drill... AlexJ (talk) 15:07, 27 February 2009 (UTC)