Wikipedia:Peer review/Arthur Eve/archive1

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Arthur Eve[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has now failed at WP:GAC twice. I could use any some assistance in getting it over the hump.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:21, 21 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I've never heard of this guy before. Sounds as if he is quite a character.

  • Lead
    • It might be worth engineering a link on "Deputy Speaker" to illustrate the relative importance of this office.
      • It is not such an important position that it should be linked. I don't think any of the other 49 states have articles for such an office.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 02:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • The long redlink is a bit obtrusive - how necessary is it here?
    • Might it be possible to summarise Eve's advocacies in a succinct phrase, rather than listing them all?
  • Personal: It is surely usual in biographical articles to give some indication where the subject came from. All we have here is: "Eve arrived in Buffalo in February 1953 following his graduation from West Virginia State College." Why did he "arrive" in Buffalo?
  • Political career: we require information about how this political career began. When/how was he elected, etc. I can't believe that this information is not in the public domain. It is unacceptable to jump straight to his activities as an assemblyman without any indication of how he got to be one.
  • Assemblyman: the fourth paragraph should be under a subsection heading, since it deals with his shot at the Buffalo mayoralty, not his activities as an assemblyman.
  • Deputy Speaker
    • "an important year for the Black and Puerto Rican Legislative Caucus..." is a personal comment. Reword to remove POV.
    • This sentence: "The Democratic majority had fallen from 90–60 to 86–64 while the caucus' Assembly membership had grown from 15 to 16, which meant that for the first time the caucus had more than enough votes to withhold legislation, resulting in a shift in the balance of power." Too long, too much information, needs splitting. Thus: "The Democratic majority had fallen from 90–60 to 86–64, while the caucus' Assembly membership had grown from 15 to 16. This meant that for the first time the caucus had enough votes to withhold legislation, which brought about a shift in the balance of power."
    • Clarify that Griffin and Koch were considering running together for Governor and Lieutenant Governor
    • "Following Cuomo's election victory..." what election did he win?
    • Third and fourth paragraphs: so many names, so many elections, so much confusion. Seriously, it is very hard for someone who doesn't have an ear for New York state politics to have any clear idea of what is going on.
    • Who was Harriet Tubman? I know I could use the link, but such information should be available in the article, via a brief description.
  • Retirement
    • "By 2004, Eve's foundation was approved to provide afterschool tutoring" Approved by whom?
    • "He became an evangelist." Too curt; more information should be provided.
      • I don't have any additional sourcing. As stated in the GAC nom, I could mention my personal knowledge of his involvement in helping to get a new church financed. I think I recall him mention having helped his new church finance a new building. I have gone to church with him since his retirement. However, this is all WP:OR. The text barely mentions his evangelism and we have no other sourcing.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:09, 2 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • I don't think "runningmate" is a single word, even in Am Eng.
  • Images: While there may be no PD photographs of Eve, would it be possible to enliven the text with a few related pics?

I hope these points give you some ideas about the further development of the article. Brianboulton (talk) 23:56, 30 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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